Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 The sages strongly condemned the use of derogatory nicknames. Calling someone by a nickname that s/he dislikes is a violation of the prohibition of onaas devorim (verbal abuse). The negative reaction people get from being called these nicknames can be very harmful and destructive as they often imply limitations and faults. People often believe and live up to those negative names people call them like "your such an animal" or "what a lazy bum".
Lesson 2 The laws of lashon hora apply whether the person is an ignoramus or a torah scholar
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 We must be aware of the consequences of our words. Words can change someones life for the better, they can give hope, motivate, be the foundation of peoples accomplishments, bring joy and happiness....
Lesson 2 We are forbidden to speak lashon hora about a spouse or in-laws. For example: Mr. X is not allowed to tell his friends "My father-in-law is such a grouch". Mrs. S. is not allowed to tell her mom that her husband is Lazy... ------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 When you truly love someone, your criticism and the motivation behind it will flow from a sincere concern for that person’s welfare. But even then, we must be careful how to word your critical remarks. It is not always appropriate to deliver the criticism. Wording should be a reflection of your love not of frustration.
Lesson 2 We are forbidden to speak lashon hora about young children if it will cause them harm or anguish. Example: A little boy in foster care. If someone were to tell his foster parents that he sometimes misbehaves, it can cause his foster parents to look at him differently and maybe not keep him in their home. If its for a constructive purpose, it has to be done really carefully. ------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Place In this week’s parsha Rashi points out that Pinchos, who was appointed to oversee the battle with Midyan, was a descendant, maternally, of Yisro, who was also called Putiel. The reason he was given this name is because he fattened (pitame) calves for sacrifices for idol worship.
Chazal tell us that Yisro had seven names; each one describing a different aspect of his personality. Rav Wolbe notes (Shiurei Chumash Parshas Matos) that each name has a positive connotation (Yeser - because he added a parsha to the Torah, Chovov - because he was fond of the Torah). Why then, he asks, was he called Putiel, which has a negative connotation alluding to his days as an idol worshipper? The answer is that in reality it is an allusion to a very commendable act performed on his part. Before Yisro converted to Judaism, he was not merely an idol worshipper; he was [in the words of Rashi] a priest and a personality "who sat at the top of the world." Despite all his fame and glory, he travelled out to the desert and converted to Judaism. The name Putiel alludes to this act of greatness, and there is no more admirable virtue than sacrificing all one has for the sake of Hashem. We can look at the name Putiel negatively or positively. Chazal have taught to choose the positive perception.
In a similar vein, Rav Wolbe suggests a way for one to combat his inclination to speak lashon hara. He writes (Alei Shur vol. II pg. 207) that despite the fact that people often talk about the severity of speaking lashon hara and some even learn the sefer Chofetz Chaim that deals with its halachos, nevertheless, many people fail to refrain from this aveirah. The way to rid one’s self from speaking lashon hara is not by simply closing one’s mouth. This will back fire in a day or two and he will end up "paying interest" and speak twice as much as usual. The correct way is to work on acquiring the middah of chesed. The more one looks at others with an eye focused on what he could do for their betterment, the less he will be inclined to speak derogatorily about them.
The practical way to work on overcoming this yetzer hara is as follows: Once a day, for a period of fifteen to twenty minutes when one is in the company of others, he should make an effort not to speak lashon hara. During the allotted time, should the urge to speak disparagingly about another person arise, he should make an effort to conquer the desire and instead choose to say something positive about that person. Every person has qualities and shortcomings - the question is merely on which aspects one chooses to focus.
During the three weeks which were specifically designated as a time to mourn the destruction of the Beis Hamikdosh, we should make an added effort to combat the aveirah of speaking lashon hara. Lashon hara was one of the main reasons that the Beis Hamikdosh was destroyed and, therefore, also the key to its being rebuilt. At least once over the course of these three weeks, let us try to substitute a positive comment in place of a negative one. With Hashem’s help we can start rectifying this sin and merit the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdosh speedily in our days.
1. HaRav Cordevero, Z’tl writes in his Sefer Raishis Chochma (Shaar HaKedusha, Chapter 3), that Shabbos is holy because of the additional neshamos which are added on this day (the neshama yesaira of each and every one of us), and that it is fitting for us to help sanctify the Neshama Yesaira through our deveikus to Hashem on this day through our kavanah in Tefillah and the study of Torah. We should, therefore, endeavor to daven with more Kavanah on Shabbos than we may otherwise have on a regular weekday. If one can begin this Shabbos to focus on the meaning of the words of Nishmas and each of the unique Shabbos Shemone Esreis, we will raise the Kedushas HaShabbos for ourselves--from within and without. 2. The following Halachos are excerpted from an essential Shabbos Sefer, The Shabbos Home (Volume 2) by Rabbi Simcha Bunim Cohen, Shlita (Artscroll, 2003):
a. If a colored liquid spills, it should preferably be wiped up with a disposable napkin or towel. If no disposable item is available, one may use a cloth. However, the cloth should preferably not be the same color as the liquid that spilled. If no cloth of another color is available, this one may be used (as well). b. There is dissent among the contemporary Poskim regarding the colored blocks of deodorizer commonly placed in toilet bowls. Some hold that they may not be used on Shabbos, for they cause the water to become colored during flushing. Others maintain that these deodorizers are permitted for use. Therefore, it is best to remove these items from one’s toilet before Shabbos. In the event that they were not removed, one should remove them on Shabbos. If this is not possible, and no other bathroom is available, one may rely on the Poskim who permit the use of these deodorizers on Shabbos. c. Bending a safety pin that is unusable in its present state is prohibited from the Torah. If it is usable in its present state, bending it back into shape is prohibited Rabbinicaly. Likewise, it is forbidden to bend back a key into shape, or to straighten out a bent hook, even if they are usable in their present states.
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 - Speaking TO People Its important to be aware of the consequences of our words. When we say something, will it cause someone pain? make them angry? discourage them? bring tears? worry? anxious? depressed? embarrassed? Will it cause them to be painfully obsessed with what you said? What you say can be considered Onaas Devorim (Verbal abuse).
Lesson 2 - Speaking ABOUT People If someone unintentionally relates lashon hora in passing without having in mind to degrade the subject, we as the listener are still not allowed to believe it. ------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict the act of telling tales. I.e. someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
Onaas Devorim - Verbal Abuse
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few sources: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 - Speaking TO People There are times when speaking to someone that we don’t outright say "always", but we imply it. For example "You refuse to do favors for others!" The way this is worded implies that the person always refuses. Its much easier for a person to accept what you say when you qualify the criticism. I.e. "I noticed that on 2 occasions you weren’t willing to do someone a favor when they asked...".
Lesson 2 - Speaking ABOUT People - In Answer to Your Questions (sorry a tad long)
Q. If we cant believe anything written about someone, how are we allowed to read the newspaper? there are Orthodox newspapers that have news on Jews doing things such as smuggling drugs and doing improper acts. how does this work? A. Based on Jewish law, we should not be reading the newspaper articles about Jews. and if we read it, we are not allowed to believe it. Just because an Israeli or even a "orthodox" newspaper writes stuff about other Jews that is negative, doesn’t make it any less lashon hora. We have to be really careful. All the rules of listening to and believing would apply. It makes a lot of sense especially with media which reports on stories as facts, but reports it through an individual or organizational lens/viewpoint. The laws of shmirat halashon aren’t to make us tremble in fear at what words we say. The point is to get us to recognize and appreciate the power of our words and what impact they have on others. ------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict the act of telling tales. I.e. someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out
Loud Lesson
1 If someone regrets things they have done wrong in the past, it is
forbidden to remind them of those past things. For example "You used to be so
selfish/bitter/broigis. Its good to see you becoming more giving/happy..." or
"you sure spend a lot of time studying Torah. There was a time when no one could
get you to lift a book to learn" or "don't think you are so great because you've
been behaving so highly in seminary/yeshiva. I remember you way back when... you
used to be so wild. people don't just change"
Lesson 2 We
are forbidden to believe a wide-spread rumor that a person has performed an
improper act. For example, reading in the newspaper that a person was caught
doing drugs or smuggling. Even though that information is well known. We are
forbidden to believe it or have read it.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon
Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that
is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a
derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to
Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or
child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of
Jews, Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict
someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about
them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These
lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz
Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz Chaim:
A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged for Daily Study
By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on
the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged
by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Today is the Seventeenth day of Tammuz, a fast day by Takanas HaNeviim, which is no small matter. If we look at the number 17, we will soon realize that it is concomitantly the Gematria of each of “Oy”, “Chait”, and “Tov”. Thus, we see that the power of the day need not only lie in the negative, but can and must extend to the positive and good, as well.
We typically remember that the first frightful event that happened on this day was Moshe Rabbeinu’s breaking of the Shnei Luchos which contained the Aseres Hadibros, as a result of the sin of the Golden Calf. If only the people had shown enough faith to wait one more day for their venerable and venerated leader, their happiness and dancing would have resulted in the greatest Simchas Torah ever(!). Instead, we still feel the pain from the torturous event.
In fact, there was one prior significant event on this fateful day which preceded the breaking of the Luchos. The Luach Dovor B’Ito writes that the Yona, the dove sent by Noach out of the Ark, could not find a place to land and so returned to the Teiva (Bereishis 8:8). The obvious question is, why would Noach bother sending the dove out without any indication whatsoever (from Hashem directly, or otherwise) that the waters had receded? Was he taking a stab in the dark? We may posit that Noach sensed or knew that the day was right for renewal and joy. The fact that the dove returned indicated to him that it was he and his family, representing all of mankind, who were the ones not ready for this renewal. The same lesson carried through on this date to the Golden Calf, and thereafter the subsequent tragedies on this day in which our people’s spiritual growth was stunted rather than cultivated.
Today and the three weeks in front of us should not be viewed as a burden to be overcome, evidence by our expression to others to have “an easy time of it.” Instead, it should be a meaningful and important time in which we hope, pray and take action. Depression and despair should not be the hallmark of these days, for they may evidence a breach or lack of faith which is the antithesis of spiritual growth. We should learn from the gift of gravity that Hashem has given us to always keep both feet firmly on the ground despite the forces working against us.
It is the custom of some to recite “Tikun Chatzos” during the Three Week period--some even in the middle of the day. We may not as yet be on this level. However, we should remember that every day, three times daily in Modi’im, we thank Hashem “for the goodness given to us in the evening, in the morning, and in the afternoon.” What goodness is it that Hashem gives us at these especially designated times? We suggest that it is Tefillah itself. If we can conclude the Yehi Ratzon at the end of Shemone Esrei with Kavana during these three weeks, three times a day, we will have sincerely davened for the Beis Hamikdash and our redemption more than 60 times during this short period! Rather than wallowing in self-pity, we will demonstrate a renewal of our faith and have beautifully affirmed our supreme goals.
In the merit of our prayers, may we see with our own eyes the ultimate redemption at the beginning of the short period of special thought that lies ahead.
-------------------------- Reprinted with permission from Hakhel MIS --------------------------
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 - Speaking TO People When
voicing complaints about someones behavior, it is very easy to include
judgmental phrases and expressions that subtly and not so subtly
condemn the other person. When we condemn someone, we make it much more
difficult for him/her to accept what we say. Judgmental language makes
people react defensively. Besides being less effective, it causes
unnecessary distress. For example, Judgmental Language: "You waste so
much money. Stop being so frivolous". Nonjudgmental language "I think
that you are spending more money than is necessary. Lets look for ways
to be more economical".
Lesson 2 - Speaking ABOUT people - In Answer to Your Questions.... Q..
What are the halachos for speaking about someone that’s upsetting you,
for the sake of working out your feelings, or getting advice? A. If
a person is emotionally hurt, then s/he may share his feelings with his
spouse or friend. Each situation is different. This allowance to unload
doesn’t always apply. Firstly, always try to find an alternative method
to ease, relax - i.e. massage, Starbucks... A note of caution, when unburdening yourself to someone: 1) If possible try to tell only one relative/friend about it - so that he/she can make you feel better. You have no right telling a few people about it, thereby spreading negative information about the person. 2) The person to whom you choose to unburden yourself, should be someone who is
careful in Hilchos Shmiras Halashon and preferably the type who will
help you view the situation in a positive light. Don’t choose someone
who will make you feel even more angry . Such a person might even tell
you, “Oh, how disgusting.. I always knew that person was nasty. How
could s/he have said such a thing?”
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora
- Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member
(spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews,
Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz
Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged
for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 - Speaking TO people There
is a special obligation to be careful not to cause a convert to Judaism
pain with words. We can violate this commandment when we remind
converts of anything that s/he might have done wrong in the past or by
making references to his/her family. Be extremely careful when talking
to a convert not to say things that can cause pain. For example "some
people say that only people with severe psychological difficulties will
convert to a different religion. What’s wrong with you?" or "I have a
difficult time relating to/trusting converts". This statement negates
the possibility of a person converting because of intellectual and
idealistic reasons.
Lesson 2 - Speaking ABOUT people Two or
more people who tell you lashon hora are not to be believed. The
status of of two or more people as valid witnesses is only applicable
when they testify in a Jewish court. Even if their statement may affect
you personally, you are forbidden to accept it as the absolute
truth. Again you may only be cautious.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora
- Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member
(spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews,
Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person
and tells them what someone else has said about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz
Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged
for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Pinchas is a tainted hero. Rashi records for us that the tribes of Israel, especially the tribe of Shimon, complained that someone who is a descendant of “one who fattened calves for paganism and dares kill a head of a tribe in Israel” should not be entitled to any honours. The Lord, so to speak, comes to his defence and grants the gift of the priesthood to him and his descendants and also the supreme blessing of peace.
The Torah records his genealogy as being from Elazar and Aharon and not from the one who “fattened calves for idolatry.” Yet, even this restoration of status and Godly confirmation of the Rectitude of Pinchas is also somewhat reserved. In the word “shalom” that marks the covenant of peace granted to Pinchas by God, the letter “vav” in this word, as it is written in the Torah, is split and cracked. He is not granted the full blessing of peace but rather a diminished portion of it. Our rabbis taught us that this is because his heroics involved violence and the taking of human life, albeit in a just and holy cause.
Nevertheless, peace obtained through violence and the death of others, even if those deaths are unavoidably necessary and completely justified, is always somewhat tarnished, cracked and split. Pinchas is completely vindicated and rehabilitated by the Torah, but a lingering resentment against his act of boldness and zealotry remains present amongst the Jewish people.
Pinchas reappears later in Jewish history in the book of Shoftim. There he is the High Priest and according to some opinions, the leader of the Sanhedrin. The Talmud records for us that in the tragic story of Yiftach and his daughter, in which Yiftach vowed to sacrifice the living creature that would first confront him when he returned home after the successful war against Bnei Ammon, was first greeted by his daughter upon his return home. The Talmud is of the opinion that the court of Pinchas could have annulled Yiftach’s vow legally. But Pinchas insisted that Yiftach come to him to obtain such an annulment while Yiftach felt that this would be an affront to his position as the “shofeit” judge and temporal leader of Israel So nothing was done, the vow remained, and the innocent life of Yiftach’s daughter was snuffed out on the altar of pride. So Pinchas is slightly tarnished in this story as well.
The eventual complete redemption of Pinchas occurs when the Talmud equates him with the prophet Eliyahu. It is therefore Pinchas/Eliyahu who accompanies the Jewish people throughout the ages and the troubles. He is present at every brit milah and at every Pesach Seder. He is the harbinger of our complete redemption, the one who will bind the generations together and is the symbol of hope and the glorious future of Israel and humankind. It is as Eliyahu that Pinchas receives the undisputed heroic stature that the Lord grants to him in this week’s parsha. May we see him speedily in our days.
Shmoozin’ on Halacha: Tisha B’Av Falling on a Sunday
T
he ninth day of Av, not only commemorates the destruction of both Temples, but is also a national day of mourning for all of the tragedies that have befallen the Jewish people. This week we review some of the special restrictions that apply to Tishah b’Av that falls on a Sunday, as it does this year:
On Shabbat Chazon: If one can keep occupied on Shabbos afternoon studying topics which pertain to Tishah b’Av or to mourning, he should do so. If he cannot, he may study what he ordinarily does. It is customary that Pirkei Avos is not studied on this Shabbos.
The usual seudah ha-mafsekes restrictions do not apply on Shabbos. At the last meal before the fast -- which is seudah shelishis on Shabbos -- one may eat meat and drink wine and whatever food he desires.
Eating, drinking, or washing any part of the body is permitted until sunset only. If one Bentched before sunset, he may eat or drink until sunset. One may sit on a chair until nightfall.
Since it is not proper to wear Shabbos clothes on Tishah b’Av, it is recommended that one change clothes after nightfall, but before Ma’ariv. Baruch ha-Mavdil should be recited before changing into weekday clothes. No preparations for Tishah b’Av may be made until Shabbos is over. Tishah b’Av shoes or Kinos [unless studied on Shabbos] may not be brought to shul until nightfall, even in an eiruv.
After Shabbat: Shabbos shoes may not be removed until nightfall. One should remove their shoes after reciting Baruch ha-Mavdil but before Barechu, provided that it is already nightfall. Atah chonantanu is said in Shemoneh Esrei. After Ma’ariv but before the reading of Eichah, a candle is lit and Borei me’orei ha-eish is recited. If one forgot or failed to do so, Borei me’orei ha-eish may be recited anytime throughout the night.
Customarily, Borei me’orei ha-eish is recited by one person for the entire congregation. It is proper that all the listeners sit down while the blessing is recited.
Dirty dishes from Shabbos should not be washed until Sunday after chatzos, unless they will attract insects, etc.
ON SUNDAY NIGHT: After the fast is over, one may not eat until Havdalah is recited. Havdalah may be recited over wine and it need not be given to a minor to drink. Only the blessings of Borei pri ha-gafen and ha-Mavdil are recited. Borei me’orei ha-eish is not recited, even if one forgot to recite that blessing the previous night.
Eating meat, drinking wine or grape juice, taking a haircut, shaving, doing laundry, sewing, bathing, and reciting Shehecheyanu should all be avoided until chatzos on Monday.
The Torah tells us at the end of Parshas
Pinchos, that Bnei Yisroel brought thirteen cows as
sacrifices on the first day of Sukkos, and day by day
as the Yom Tov progressed, the number of cows steadily
decreased. On the second day, only twelve cows were
offered on the mizbeiach and so on, until the last day
when only seven cows were brought as karbonos. Rashi
quotes a Medrash to explain this practice. The Medrash
writes that the Torah is teaching us the proper
procedure (derech eretz) for hosting a guest. Just as
the sacrifices decreased in number day after day, so
too says the Torah, there should be a steady decrease
in the type of food offered to one’s guest. The first
day he should feed his guest fattened fowl, the
following day he should feed him fish, thereafter
meat, then legumes and after that vegetables.
Rav Wolbe asks (Shiurei Chumash Parshas
Pinchos) that this does not seem to be the proper way
to act at all. At this rate, in another few days he
won’t feed his guest anything! He answers with an
explanation offered by his father-in-law, Rav Avrohom
Grodzhinski zt"l: When Chazal tell us that the Torah
is teaching us the proper procedure of hosting a
guest, this means the way one should conduct himself
so that his guest feels completely at home. The first
few days the guest is served lavish meals in the
dining room on the table reserved for Shabbos.
Afterwards he is cajoled into joining the family in
the kitchen and eating the same food as the rest of
the members in the house. This is the derech eretz to
which the Medrash was referring; slowly but surely
decreasing the difference between the guest and the
host, until the guest feels at home and even part of
the family.
Rav Wolbe writes (Alei Shur vol. II pg.
204), that often other areas of chesed also require
some level of tact to ensure that the beneficiary is
left with a good feeling. He relates how there was a
man in dire straits but nevertheless was embarrassed
to accept a monetary donation or loan. A good friend
devised a plan to help him out. While in the company
of his needy friend, he acted nervous and uneasy. The
needy friend inquired as to the reason behind his
distress, and he explained that an elderly man whom he
used to visit often, had passed away and entrusted him
with a large amount of money to distribute to those in
need. He added that he is nervous to carry so much
money around with him, and he doesn’t know where to
start with its distribution. The needy individual
smiled broadly and told him that he would put his
worries to rest, for just now he was tight on money
and he could use the amount of money his good friend
was carrying. The latter handed over the money and the
needy man felt that he was doing his friend a real
favor!
Whether one is hosting a total stranger
or helping out a good friend, the aim of the chesed is
the same: Helping out a fellow Jew in a way that will
make him feel comfortable and completely at ease.
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Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 - Speaking TO People Yesterday we learned about the importance of being careful about how we speak and figuring out our desired outcome before speaking badly to or about someone. A common example is when someone is making too much noise. The automatic and usual response is "Whats the matter with you? cant you think of anyone besides yourself? you’re totally inconsiderate. Keep quiet! if you cant stop, get out of here!". This is insulting and counterproductive. Wouldn’t it make more sense to say "I’m sorry to disturb you, but the noise is a bit too loud for me. I’d really appreciate if you could lower it". or "I know that you are a person who wouldn’t want to cause others suffering. I’m sorry but this noise is very painful for me". Or try a negotiation.
Lesson 2 - Speaking ABOUT People When lashon hora is related in the presence of the subject, we are still forbidden to believe it. This applies even if the subject was quiet and didn’t deny the accusation. Silence does NOT verify derogatory information.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
The Torah tells us at the end of Parshas Pinchos, that Bnei Yisroel brought thirteen cows as sacrifices on the first day of Sukkos, and day by day as the Yom Tov progressed, the number of cows steadily decreased. On the second day, only twelve cows were offered on the mizbeiach and so on, until the last day when only seven cows were brought as karbonos. Rashi quotes a Medrash to explain this practice. The Medrash writes that the Torah is teaching us the proper procedure (derech eretz) for hosting a guest. Just as the sacrifices decreased in number day after day, so too says the Torah, there should be a steady decrease in the type of food offered to one’s guest. The first day he should feed his guest fattened fowl, the following day he should feed him fish, thereafter meat, then legumes and after that vegetables.
Rav Wolbe asks (Shiurei Chumash Parshas Pinchos) that this does not seem to be the proper way to act at all. At this rate, in another few days he won’t feed his guest anything! He answers with an explanation offered by his father-in-law, Rav Avrohom Grodzhinski zt"l:When Chazal tell us that the Torah is teaching us the proper procedure of hosting a guest, this means the way one should conduct himself so that his guest feels completely at home. The first few days the guest is served lavish meals in the dining room on the table reserved for Shabbos. Afterwards he is cajoled into joining the family in the kitchen and eating the same food as the rest of the members in the house. This is the derecheretz to which the Medrash was referring; slowly but surely decreasing the difference between the guest and the host, until the guest feels at home and even part of the family.
Rav Wolbe writes (Alei Shur vol. II pg. 204), that often other areas of chesed also require some level of tact to ensure that the beneficiary is left with a good feeling. He relates how there was a man in dire straits but nevertheless was embarrassed to accept a monetary donation or loan. A good friend devised a plan to help him out. While in the company of his needy friend, he acted nervous and uneasy. The needy friend inquired as to the reason behind his distress, and he explained that an elderly man whom he used to visit often, had passed away and entrusted him with a large amount of money to distribute to those in need. He added that he is nervous to carry so much money around with him, and he doesn’t know where to start with its distribution. The needy individual smiled broadly and told him that he would put his worries to rest, for just now he was tight on money and he could use the amount of money his good friend was carrying. The latter handed over the money and the needy man felt that he was doing his friend a real favor!
Whether one is hosting a total stranger or helping out a good friend, the aim of the chesed is the same: Helping out a fellow Jew in a way that will make him feel comfortable and completely at ease.
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 Whenever you see a good communicator in action, learn from them. Positive approaches to influencing others are much more effective than insults and they save us from violating the prohibition against causing pain with words.
Lesson 2 We mentioned yesterday that we aren’t allowed to believe lashon hora even when the person being spoken about is present. It follows that we cannot believe lashon hora when the person isn’t in front of you, even if the speaker says "I would even say this if they were here".
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 One
of the most important rules to remember when you are tempted to
criticize someone or speak negatively about them is: be clear in your
mind exactly what you want this person to do or to stop doing. Then
figure out the best strategy to move them in this direction. This point
is crucial to master and internalize.
Lesson 2 - In answer to your questions...
Q. what do you do if you have already transmitted the lashon hora to other people?
A. Try to convince the people you spoke to that what you said
isn’t true. when that isn’t possible, ask the subject of the lashon
hora to forgive you. ------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora
- Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member
(spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews,
Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz
Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged
for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 The torah urges the
utmost caution when delivering your opinion of someone else. Labels
such as unfriendly and disorganized can be based on little factual
evidence and yet, can and do exert enormous power in derailing a
shidduch.
Lesson 2 Character assessments are certainly important and
useful, especially if a person is looking for a spouse that posses a
certain type of personality trait. The chofetz chaim stressed
emphatically that the habit of labeling people and disclosing those
labels to others does immeasurable harm. Its very important to learn
to report facts without your own judgment and labels.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora
- Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member
(spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews,
Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz
Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged
for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
The Saba of Kelm taught, "A little bit holds a great deal."
Meaning, there are some things in life that produce a powerful benefit
in small doses. One of these "small dynamos" is encouragement. For
instance, when HaShem appointed Yehoshua to succeed Moshe as the leader
of Klal Yisrael, Moshe said to him, "Be strong and courageous."
Yehoshua
was the greatest student of Moshe and a Prophet. Nevertheless, Moshe
recognized the importance of encouraging him. The words of Moshe
strengthened Yehoshua and he succeeded to bring the People of Israel
into the Land of Israel and conquer the thirty-one kingdoms.
Encouragement
can also be effectively applied to oneself. For instance, when Klal
Yisrael engaged in harlotry with the Midianite women, all of the
leaders stood by in a state of helplessness. Pinchas ben Elazar,
strengthened himself and found the courage to stand up to - and put an
end to - the immorality.
If not for his action, the entire
nation would have died. Therefore, the "little bit" of pulling himself
together, produced "a great deal." Specifically, his heroism saved the
entire Nation of Israel.
May we strengthen ourselves as well
as other people in Torah study, good deeds, and virtue of character. A
"little" encouragement will be the catalyst of "a great deal" of
wisdom, kindness, and elevation. [Based on Ohr RaShaz of the Alter of Kelm, Rav Simcha Zissel]
TODAY: Encourage yourself and strengthen a friend - and generate a great deal of goodness.
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Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 When we focus on what our ultimate goal is, or what our goal is for a particular situation, we will frequently find that we have no need to speak negatively of or criticize others. In many instances, specific problems can be solved smoothly. In these situations, blaming another person will cause length arguments and quarrels. Instead, why don’t we focus on a constructive solution instead of the negative.
Lesson 2 Even if a person related lashon hora in the presence of a large number of people, it is still forbidden to accept it as truth.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- These lessons are derived from a few books: Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Important Numbers
