Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud
Lesson 1 - Speaking TO People
When
voicing complaints about someones behavior, it is very easy to include
judgmental phrases and expressions that subtly and not so subtly
condemn the other person. When we condemn someone, we make it much more
difficult for him/her to accept what we say. Judgmental language makes
people react defensively. Besides being less effective, it causes
unnecessary distress. For example, Judgmental Language: "You waste so
much money. Stop being so frivolous". Nonjudgmental language "I think
that you are spending more money than is necessary. Lets look for ways
to be more economical".
Lesson 2 - Speaking ABOUT people - In Answer to Your Questions....
Q..
What are the halachos for speaking about someone that’s upsetting you,
for the sake of working out your feelings, or getting advice?
A. If
a person is emotionally hurt, then s/he may share his feelings with his
spouse or friend. Each situation is different. This allowance to unload
doesn’t always apply. Firstly, always try to find an alternative method
to ease, relax - i.e. massage, Starbucks... A note of caution, when unburdening yourself to someone: 1) If possible try to tell only one relative/friend about it - so that he/she can make you feel better. You have no right telling a few people about it, thereby spreading negative information about the person. 2) The person to whom you choose to unburden yourself, should be someone who is
careful in Hilchos Shmiras Halashon and preferably the type who will
help you view the situation in a positive light. Don’t choose someone
who will make you feel even more angry . Such a person might even tell
you, “Oh, how disgusting.. I always knew that person was nasty. How
could s/he have said such a thing?”
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Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE
Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE
About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora
- Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member
(spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews,
Entire Jewish Nation
Rechilus - A word used to depict someone who goes to a person and tells them what someone else has said about them.
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These lessons are derived from a few books:
Guard your Tongue: Adapted from Choeftz Chaim by Zelig Pliskin
The Power of Words by Zelig Pliskin
Chofetz
Chaim: A Lesson a Day - The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech Arranged
for Daily Study By Shimon Finkleman and Yitzhok Berkowitz
Purity of Speech: A short lesson on the halachot of shmirat Halashon
Chofetz Chaim - A Daily Companion: Arranged by Reb Yehuda Zev Segal
Important Numbers
