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Have a question? Send it in! Questions are answered by Rabbi Bartfeld.
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# 4542 Our Most Beautiful and Nice Close Family?
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Q. Dearest Rabbi Shlit’a. As we read the current and next Parshios in with the story of Yaakov and his older brother Eisav, describing the foundations and base sources of the Jewish Nation, I wonder at what point was Eisav removed from being part and parcel of the Jewish people? Was it maybe when he decided to take all those strange and very unfit idol serving wives that his parents detested? Or was it his abnormal, immoral and degenerate conduct with the rights and belongings of others that decided his future in our nation?
A. “Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that it all began when Eisav sold his first birthright to Yaakov for a pottage of lentils, and then he just ate, drank, arose and left, thus truly despising the meaning and importance of his birthright.
The Rov also quoted Talmud sources, that Eisav was considered a ‘Mumar’ or a unbeliever or irreligious member of our nation, nevertheless, still then part and parcel of it.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/19/2023 10:27 AM |
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# 4541 Thoughts for Your Penny
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Q. Can one leave on the floor a U.S. penny coin that has the name of G-d on it, and on what people are going to step on it?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that it is permitted.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/17/2023 10:56 AM |
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# 4540 Sitting in Judgment
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Q. I have a friend who's a convert who was told she can sit for something like a shiva for a non-Jewish parent. How does a convert observe the "yahrtzeit" of a parent? What are their obligations? Should they follow the secular date or the Hebrew date of the parent's passing? What is recommended or suggested to mark the occasion?
A. On question 1334 regarding if a convert can sit shiva and recite kadish for his benevolent and righteous father or mother that did not convert? How about if they were actively keeping another religion.we wrote:
The Talmud (Yevamos 22a) teaches that although a Ger who converts is considered as a new born person and looses his familial connections to his biological family, rabbinically he cannot marry his sister or other close relatives. The Talmud explains that the reason is, people will say the Ger left a stronger sanctity and converted to a lesser and more lenient religion.
Rambam (H. Ma'amrim 5: 11) rules that not only should a ger observe the negative commandments in regards to dishonouring or shaming his parents, but he should also show some honor and respect to them. (See also Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 241: 9) Yad Avrohom explains that honoring parents is an obligation for Bnei Noach, as we can infer from the narrative of Chom Ben Noach, yet they are not punished for non-compliance as they are in the case of the other seven Noahide mitzvos. Rabi Akiva Eiger in his notes (ibid.) maintains that it is referring to the way Gentiles in their own beliefs and laws, greatly honor their progenitors. Igrois Moshe (Y.D. 2: 130) in a similar shaile rules that even when the parent is not ill, the ger is permitted an occasional visit and is also allowed to bring along his children.
However, he should do so infrequently so that the children will not adhere to the former religion of their father, join his grandparents in eating non-kosher and do other common prohibitions. Otherwise, in case of need or illness, just as one has to take care and visit the afflicted gentiles and tend to their needs, certainly and more so, the ger has to take care of his own parents. (See also Nishmas Avrohom 2: p. 276) Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit”a opinion is similar. (See also question 825 in this forum).
Yechave Daas (6: 60) rules that a convert can recite kadish for his parents, say the customary hashkava and pray leilui nishmosom and elevation of their souls. Yalkut Yosef (Avelus H. Kadish 12) adds that he should recite kadish in an unpretentious and demure style, not to rise the criticism of others. (See also Miyam Hahalacha 2: 16, Eitz Hachaim p. 305).
Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 374: 5) rules that a convert does not sit shiva for his parents even if they also converted, since they are regarded as being reborn again and to have lost their filial connection. (Be'er Hagola ibid. 10). Some maintain that according to the Poskim that first day avelus is Biblical, they have to sit that one day. However, the Halacha does not follow that opinion (Shach ibid. 4).
Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit'a opinion is that a convert should not sit shiva or recite kadish for his parents, but should offer his sincere and heartfelt prayers to Hashem in their behalf.
On question 3761 regarding if a Ger can recite Kaddish for his dear father that did not convert, but was very good and helpful to him, practically from the ‘ Chasidei Umot Haolam’, (righteous of the nations) we wrote:
Z’kan Aharon (2; 86) maintains that although it is for many a surprising tradition, it is proper in such a case to recite Kaddish for his Gentile father, although it is not an obligation. Mimamakim (3: 8) deals with reciting Kaddish for a non-Jewish woman, that saved the life of many persecuted during W.W.11
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Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that Kaddish should not be recited.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/17/2023 10:53 AM |
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# 4539 Intentions that Pave the Road to Heaven
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Q. One who is going away for Shabbos and can get a free ride later in the day on Erev Shabbos or take a bus earlier, and he wants to leave earlier due to Kavod Shabbos, is the expense considered a Shabbos expense?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that it depends mainly in the intention of the individual involved. If it is done for the sake and honor of Shabbos, even if it is days or more before, it is considered to be a Kavod Shabbos and thus included in those expenses.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/17/2023 10:47 AM |
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# 4538 The Eternal Rush Hour
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Q. Hello Rav, Now my boys are old enough, so we often have a zimmun of 3 men. I know there is a mitzvah to bentch on a Kos of wine/grape juice. I seem to remember it being very common when I was a student in Israel 20 years ago, but these days in Toronto I don't see it often
I asked a Rav in Lakewood that I attend a online shiur with and he said that its not the minhag to use a kos with 3 people anymore and he doesn't see anyone doing it. I know that we don't use a kos for a single person bentching (even though halacha says to), but do we also now not do it with 3? Is it haughty to do it when so many in the community are not doing it? How much of a mitzvah is it really? And what if I want to do the mitzvah, but I'd prefer not to have the extra calories, how do I weight those options? Is there a benifit to bentching on the kos even if I choose not to drink the wine (like ashkenazim do for seudat shlishit)? Thanks!
A. In our days due to the frequent speed of things and time, it is common that people after davening or in other occasions are rushed to their next activity. That is in our case often learning Torah, and are therefore not engaging in the necessary “Kevias Seuda” or the intention of a group eating together. Therefore no ‘Zimun’is required.
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is similar.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/17/2023 10:42 AM |
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# 4537 - That’ll Teach Someone Something
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Q. Dear Rabbi. As you know I have been teaching for over twenty in a college where most of the teachers and students are of the left and against Israel. It has lately become very extreme. Can I continue teaching or I must morally quit and loose my pension and other rights?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that you should indeed proudly continue your practice and teaching position and try to organize a group of students that still see the truth and reality of the situation.
Giving up is not the correct option. Fighting for our true believes is what is needed and with the brocho of Hashem we will succeed
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Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/16/2023 9:58 PM |
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# 4536 - Drum Up Conundrum
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Q. If one is from Israel but davening in Toronto. can he lead services as an aveil despite the v’sein tal umatar livracha conundrum?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that since there are many different issues involved in this shaila, the best option is that on the Shemonezre one davens for himself, if he has any concerns he may say in case of valid Halacha opinion ‘Vesen Tal Umatar Livracha,” while in the loud repetition he should mention ‘Vesen Brocho’ as the local minyan now still says.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/16/2023 9:55 PM |
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# 4535 So Far - So Near
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Q. If a person in 2023 is still unwilling to go on the bimah for an aliyah (because of health issues) and insists on standing 12-15 away on the floor of the Shul, can he be given an Aliyah LaTorah?
A. Re- questions 2610, 2624 and 2629 regarding a group of five neighbors that share different sides and corners of their back yards, with one standing in the middle, that want to organize a minyan during the critical Covid times. Since each family has one or several bar mitzva children and they are all staying home because of the required separation. They organized a minyan by just looking over the fences of the adjoining properties. (See there the important details and conditions).
When reading the Torah in the central backyard, can someone in an adjoining property receive an aliyah without entering into the yard where the Torah is being read?
To what we answered: “Horav Dovid Pam Shlit’a mentioned that he heard in the name of Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit’a that he permitted a neighbor that is inside his own backyard and cannot read the Torah from that far, to be called and then recite the brochos from where he is, as he would normally do, and then just listen to the reading of the Torah.
The above is based on the fact that a blind person, can also be called to the Torah and proceed to recite the brochos before and after, even when he can’t actually read the sefer, but just hear the reading. (See Remah O.H. 139 : 3, and Mishna Berura ibid. 130).”
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a reiterated his position when dealing with a person who may be in significant health danger if being infected. However, if possible it would be better to avoid the aliyah altogether.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/16/2023 11:23 AM |
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# 4534 - Bigger than Yom Kippur Kotton
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Q. Rov, I have a Shiur Kavua with four talmidim, at the time the Yom Kippur Kotton will be tomorrow (Monday, Nov 13 - 23) due to the emergency conditions in Israel, Do I have to cancel the shiur? The talmidim can’t join me at the ceremony.
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that the Torah shiur should not be cancelled, and it should be learned for the merit and redemption of our victims.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/13/2023 4:21 PM |
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# 4533 The Better, Best, Beautiful, Beginnings
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Q. “Kvod Horav Shlit’a. I’m the Menahel (director) of a traditional Torah Cheider (Yeshiva for younger boys). From many years of experience, I have noticed that teachers often behave in two very specific and contrary educational processes towards their students.
Some teachers place their main efforts in rewarding and being pleasant to the good students, when they behave and learn well. While others, on the contrary focus in admonishing and being reproachful to the ones that do not follow the due process wanted in class.
As the school year is about to begin, what is Horav Miller’s Shlit’a opinion as being the preferred and best method?”
A. Although a well known fundamental Pasuk teaches that; “Sur Merah Va’ase Tov” (Firstly one must turn away from the evil, and then do the right good thing’ (Tehilim 34: 14)”, yet, Horav Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that one usually needs a practical workable combination of the two processes, and one should in principle put a primordial effort to be positive, being pleasant and rewarding.”
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/12/2023 10:28 AM |
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# 4532 Travel Alert
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Q. Where, specifically, at what point do we say Tefilas Haderech i’m leaving Toronto to New York?
A. On question 920 we were asked; “When I drive out of Toronto, to the north, west or east, at what points specifically do I need to say tefillas haderech?”
To what we answered: “Shulchan Aruch (O.H. 110: 7, from Brochos 29b)) rules that one does not recite tefilas haderech on traveling less than a parsa (approximately four kilometres) after leaving the city. Rosh (Brochos 4: 18) mentions that the reason for this tefila is the danger present when traveling, usually less than that distance there is no sakana.
As a general rule we keep the obligation of reciting brochos limited to the original conditions when our sages established the blessings (see question 708 in this forum in regards to the brocho on Northern Lights.) Travel today is distinctly different from the days when tefilas haderech was established. It is faster and presents different types of dangers than the ones our forefathers faced. Thus giving rise to different opinions in the Poskim regarding when to recite this tefila.
Poskim disagree whether the above distance is measured in time or factual physical space. Meaning the amount of time it would normally take to walk a parsa (about 72 minutes) when travelling by car or similar. Mishna Berura (110: 30) rules that you make a brocho when travelling just a parsa also by train although the time is much shorter. Other Poskim are in doubt. (Avnei Yoshfo O.H. 15) Mishna Berura also maintains that if the road is dangerous you recite even when it is less than a parsa. Divrei Dovid (8), P'ninei Halocho (p. 220) echo the view, when travelling on dangerous roads in Israel.
Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit'a opinion is that when you have any doubt if to recite or no tefilas haderech, you should say it without Hashem's name.”
Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit'a opinion is that in our case, one should stop if possible before entering the Burlington bridge and recite there tefilas haderech.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/9/2023 8:19 PM |
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# 4531 Dancing at the Wrong Wedding?
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Q. See question above: When officiating at a wedding of irreligious people,
please also determine if mikva of bride is also a deal breaker for officiating.
A. On question 257 Arranging a shidduch when the couple does not observe Taharas Hamishpacha.
"Is it permissible to arrange a shidduch if it is possible that the couple isn’t religious enough to keep Taharas Hamishpacha?
A. Some Poskim maintain that there is no prohibition on arranging, helping or being mesader kidushin (performing the wedding ceremony) of a couple that does not observe taharas hamishpacha (family purity laws). Many require that the couple should commit to at least go once, prior to the marriage to the mikvah. (Minchas Yitzchok 1,10 ' Chelkas Yaakov 1, 23 – Sridey Eish 2, 57 and 3, 28 ' Hapardes year 13 vol. 5,7, 11 and year 23 vol.1 – Hilel Oimer Y.D. 67 – Hashavit Y.D. p.167). See also questions 1093 and 308'.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/9/2023 8:07 PM |
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# 4530 Thought for Food
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Q. Kvod Harav. Hoping you could speak to Rabbi Miller shlita regarding the policy of officiating at a wedding of irreligious people where non kosher food is served. When I spoke to Rabbi Miller about officiating at weddings of non religious (many years ago) he told me to have them sign that they resolve to get an Orthodox Ghett if the want to divorce. It’s what I do.
Please let me know if insistence on kosher is imperative to officiate as I certainly don’t want to do an issur.
Also to clarify if it’s a matter of issur or community policy. Thank You,
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that one should avoid officiating at a wedding of irreligious people where non kosher food is served, even when some spiritual benefit is to be obtained.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/9/2023 7:55 PM |
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# 4529 Call it a Night?
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Q. If one is in a shul or other gathering where tehillim is being said at night as is common during the current war, should one avoid participating due to the nighttime?
A. On question 4482 – regarding what is better, to recite Tehillim for our recent Kedoshim and victims during these terrible times or to learn Torah for them and in their merit, we wrote:
“The great power of Torah learning is of course well known and the many benefits and merits it beholds is most amazing and helpful in times of crisis and need.
However, the Maharsha (Talmud Avodah Zarah 19a) teaches that reciting Tehilim causes one to fear Hashem.
Peleh Yoetz (Tehilim p. 641) adds that Tehilim has many different benefits. He concludes that, “One who routinely recitesTehilim is protected from all harm befalling his house, his family and his estate. One who wishes to attach himself to Hashem and His praises should be connected by the Sefer Tehilim.”
After all, Dovid Hamelech requested Hashem that saying Tehillim should be considered like learning Negoim and Ohalos. See Halichos Shlomo (Tefilah 8: footnote 62) and others.
Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that both of them are effective and helpful, however in different ways.
The great power of Torah learning as mentioned is well known.
The Rov Shlit’a added that by praising an thanking Hashem even in very difficult times, as we do in reciting Tehilim, one shows great love to Him and that results in Him loving us more back and saving us.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/9/2023 7:52 PM |
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# 4528 Land the Slander?
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Q - Dearest Rov and my greatest friend. On two occasions, I have overheard people speaking Loshen Horah (slander and bad language) about me and others in the community. Should I say something to them or just distance myself without giving a reason?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that it is likely better not to intervene, as it is liable to have the opposite effect and create a ‘Machloikes’ or unnecessary and unhelpful conflict.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/9/2023 7:49 PM |
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# 4527- Hashem’s Women II
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Q. If I cannot keep up with the davening at my shul so I do it on my own, usually before the congregation. If I start the Shema with them, but if I’m late starting Shemona Esrai and can't say kedusha with them. Is it okay to go ahead when I am davening with a minyan? If I miscalculated, can I say tehillim while I'm waiting for them to catch up?
A. See answer above.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/9/2023 7:47 PM |
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# 4526 – Hashem’s Women I
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Q. I belong to a women's group that says Nishmat and Mizmor L'Todah at a particular time in the morning. Should I go out of the davening order to say it with them when I daven, or is it preferable to say it in the order of the siddur?
A. The above shailah likely is asked by a group of Frum women that are used already from their Religious School years to daven together as a group.
Although the above tradition has many merits and great benefits as it brings the great group of ‘Noshim Tzidkoniyos’ or righteous women closer to Hashem, it does not become or relate to the particular Halachos of an usual common Minyan of men.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/9/2023 7:43 PM |
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# 4525 Have a Good Night
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Q. If one is in a shul or other gathering where tehillim is being said at night as is common during the current war, should one avoid participating due to the nighttime?
A. On question 4454 regarding if one may recite Tehillim publicly on Shabbos with a large minyan on these terrible times and recite special public own Bakoshos mentioning the names of our dear family captives?
May one daven special private requests pertaining to the terrible matzav of dear ones during Shabbos? Any special recommendations as to how to do it?
A. We recently addressed a question if one can say during Shabbos after reciting Tehilim the prayer of “Acheinu Beis Yisroel” usually said then during weekdays. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that during Shabbos it should be avoided. Although we do recite many prayers of Mi Sheberach and Tefilos in the amida asking for all different kinds of needs. Yet, it depends on the strength and force of the demand used.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/9/2023 7:34 PM |
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# 4524 The Added Crucial Intentions
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Q. How come there is no mention in the Tefilos and Leshem Yichud or Yehi Ratzon in our commonly used sidurim about the special intention one must have before placing on Tefilin or Tzitzith?
A. Recently we wrote that there are three mitzvos that require an added special Kavana or intention to keep in mind when performing them, besides the complying with the basic mitzva itself.
They are: Tzitzis, as the Torah writes: “In order that you shall recall my mitzvos and do them” (Bam’. 15 : 40); Tefillin, as mentioned (Shem’. 13: 9) “In order that the Torah shall be in your mouths”, and Sukkah, as written; “In order that you recall the redemption from Egypt when Hashem caused you to dwell in clouds of glory (Vayikra 23:43).
Since the word “l’ma’an” - meaning ‘because’ or ‘in order that,’ the Torah explicitly indicated the purpose of the mitzva, and one must have intention not only for complying with the act of the mitzva itself but also with the reason mentioned.
Although, Derech Pekudecha (18) maintains that one does not comply with the above three mitzvos if one does not have in mind the added kavana, most Poskim disagree, and opine that although one did not abide with the mitzva properly, after the fact one complied.
After consulting with Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a and our other group of Rabbonim involved, we agreed that it is better and more correct to bring this most important issue first to a meeting of the Vaad of Rabbonim of Toronto, since it involves changing the Nusach and words of Siddurim, to see which is the best and most proper way to react.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/9/2023 7:24 PM |
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# 4523 Nice Work, Work
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Q. Dear Rabbi and friend. I am looking for work. I have two job opportunities. One is with a Jewish company and the other is not. Unfortunately, I have found that some of Jewish organizations and establishments do not necessarily follow all the employment laws. Is it okay to prefer working for Gentiles in such a case?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller’s Shlit’a opinion is that how and why the company or organization you work for keeps all the applicable employment laws is really not your personal concern, and if you are satisfied with your work and pay you may continue.
Also, you may not be aware of the likely or similar faults of any other company you may want to join
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by, Horav Dovid Pam, Horav Aharon Miller, Horav Chanoch Ehrentreu and Horav Kalman Ochs Shlit'a
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Posted 11/8/2023 9:45 AM |
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Important Numbers
