What should a person do if the wife is busy with the children, and doesn't cook, and she tells you to buy takeout food?
ANSWER:
In a certain sense, it's his lucky break; there's so much good food to buy. Gourmet things you can buy, so go outside and buy, and enjoy life! Bring it home and she'll be jealous of you.
Of course don't eat things that are not clean, that are not sanitary. Find a place where the people can be trusted that they don't put their hands into the food, and make sure you choose the right kind of diet.
A person could live very happily on takeout food.
Good Shabbos To All
Question #269
QUESTION:
How can we honor Rosh Chodesh in our days?
ANSWER:
That's a big order, we don't have time for it, but this much we can say. Rosh Chodesh is like the woman who had a lot of children, and the father brought home a watermelon. It wasn't a big watermelon, and for thirteen children it wasn't much. So she cut it up into little slices and gave each one a little piece. "Tomorrow," she said, "is another day, tomorrow we'll enjoy it all over again." She handed out little pieces each day so they should enjoy it more.
Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave us life, life is the biggest watermelon there is. There's no such fun as being alive; the biggest fun is being alive. Practice it tonight when you walk out, think how good it is to be alive. The trouble is that it is dished out in one long monotonous string. Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives you seventy, eighty, ninety or a hundred years, and therefore you feel it's nothing. What does He do? He dishes it out in portions. He cuts it up first of all into years. Oh, every year you feel, "another year I'm getting? Baruch Hashem", you're so happy, an additional year!! You're able to appreciate life more. But that's even too much, it's too big a portion, so He chops it up into months. Even that's too big, so He chops it up into days.
However, you want to enjoy life? Chop it up into hours, live from hour to hour, enjoy each hour. It's a pity, people say, "Well I have a whole day ahead of me." Suppose you have a whole day of vacation, it's boring already, a whole day ahead of you. If you have only one hour vacation, you'll try to play it up to make the most of it.
Therefore life is chopped up in small portions, so we should make the best use of it. Therefore when Rosh Chodesh comes, it's an opportunity to stop and think, What did I do in the past month? How much did I accomplish in the past month? And what am I going to do with my coming month? That's the way to treat the month.
That's why it says, v'hoyou l'osos, He's talking about the luminaries, v'hoyou l'osos u'lmoadim, ulyomim u'lsohnim, they're going to be for days and years. We need the sun and the moon to mark the days and the years; to chop up time into pieces. We shouldn't live with one long monotonous thread of life and not appreciate it. You want to be happy? You have to live by the day.
There's an old Latin saying, carpe diem, snatch the day. Grab the day, each day grab it!! Be happy with the day, carpe diem.
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
What should be a person's thoughts when he suffers chalila some pain?
ANSWER:
Pay attention. Pain is sent for a purpose, and the purpose is, to ask Hakadosh Baruch Hu for help. If people ask Hakadosh Baruch Hu for help when they're well, then they are going to save themselves many times from other forms that are stimuli to ask Hashem for help. If you cry out in happiness, Hashem is satisfied, as long as you cry out to Me in happiness. But not to cry at all, I might give you reason to cry out, because we're in this world mostly to be aware of Hashem. We have two choices how to become aware of Hashem, we can become aware of Hashem because of the good things He's giving you, or become aware through distress.
Therefore, if a person chooses to thank Hashem and to sing to Him all the time for this and this and this, Hashem says, good enough! I don't have to send any trouble. But if a person ignores Hashem, and only when he's in trouble, then Hashem says it pays to give you trouble, because to gain the benefit of thinking about Me is for you the biggest benefit.
When you will come to the next world, you will say Hashem I thank you for causing me that pain, because it made me think about you when I called out to your name.
Calling out the name of Hashem is a tremendous achievement. So call out the name of Hashem while you're well, and then you won't have to call out for other things.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
Is the frum community not partially responsible for today's alienation from Judaism, because of the failure to reach out, or because they are too unfriendly to non-conformists, and so on?
ANSWER:
There's no question, everybody is responsible for his fellow man. Kol Yisroel areivim zeh lazeh, we're all guarantors for our fellow Jews. Even the biggest resha'im, when they do misdeeds, the guilt is shared by Klal Yisroel.
However, we have to beware of unduly blaming the frum Jews; there's a certain attitude of enjoying knocking the frum Jewish community. We have to study this and know that there's a certain anti-Semitism in Jews themselves. When Jews knock the frum community, it's nothing but an echo of anti-Semitism in their own hearts. We have to spend a lot of time studying the virtues of the frum community and appreciating them.
What nobility we see, how GRAND is the lifestyle of today's frum community; when you walk in the streets and you see young women with big families. They're sacrificing everything in order to bring up a generation. The little boys all wear yarmulkes and tzitizs out, and the little girls are so frum dressed. You have to love the frum community, you have to appreciate them. It's an unusual phenomena to see people who can ignore the environment and live according to their ideals, and their ideals are the noblest mankind ever saw.
Do you know how many people are giving one tenth of their property for maaser, for tzadaka? Can you equal that anywhere? They keep taharas hamishpacha, their houses are completely kosher, expensive mezusos on every doorway, expensive tuition for the children in the yeshivas and the Bais Yaakovs. These people are sacrificing and laboring for their ideals, and they're loyal.
Therefore instead of looking for faults in the frum community - there are faults, everybody is to blame if there are irreligious Jews, certainly it's our job to reach out and bring in people - nevertheless you have to be aware that this may be a symptom of a weakness that we are responding to the outside attitudes towards the frummer. We have to understand that we have another obligation and that's to love the frummer, and to look up to them. You have to understand that there was a nes that Hakadosh Baruch Hu did, in the last fifty years that there emerged a frum modern Jewish community.
Professionals, frum physicians, frum lawyers, frum teachers, frum computer people, a big population of professionals and all loyal, and many are lamdonim, they go to shiurim. It's remarkable what has happened, the Torah explosion. You don't remember how it looked 50 or 60 years ago, I saw it, and therefore I could appreciate the GRAND development that Hakadosh Baruch Hu has blessed us. Let's hope it'll continue to increase.
Torah institutions are increasing, they're getting bigger and bigger, and today some yeshivas are so packed, they don't take in children anymore! That's a remarkable thing. And therefore we should be happy at that, and we shouldn't look for ways and means of knocking them.
Now there could be some times here and there is a frum Jew who is dishonest, here is a frum Jew that doesn't have good manners, but by and large they're the best people in the world! And exceptions don't prove any rules.
Therefore we have to say, ashrei ha'am sh'kocho lo, how fortunate is the nation that this is its lot, ashrei ha'am she'Hashem Elokov.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
In the month of Adar it says marbim b'simcha. How should one have more simcha, or acquire more simcha in the month of Adar?
ANSWER:
You should know that Hakadosh Baruch Hu has made in each person a fountain of simcha - only the fountain has to be primed. Once you open up the fountain and it starts gushing forth, you'd be surprised how much simcha there is in us. We are born with the ability to be full of simcha, and once you start thinking how good it is this month of Adar, when Hakadosh Baruch showed us a picture of l'osid lovo, how Haman is hanging with all his sons - that's what's going to happen l'osid lovo. All the resha'im should be hanging all the time, and the tzadikim should be looking and enjoying the sight!
We have so many enemies today; we always had enemies. The time will come when all our enemies will be hanging, we didn't do it, Hashem will do it for us. We'll take a look, who is hanging? Haman is hanging!!! It's a surprise; they will go out of their minds with simcha. So utilize that simcha.
In addition to that, enjoy the fact that spring is around the corner. We will soon have nice balmy weather, and soon the trees will have green leaves, and think how good it is to be alive. Oh what a pleasure it is to be alive, it's a big simcha to be alive!
So keep on thinking thoughts of happiness and Hakadosh Baruch Hu will open up the fountain of simcha that's in your mind, and it will start gushing forth in the month of Adar.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
Question: Should a young man retire at a young age, even though he won't be learning most of the day?
Answer: No! Either you retire to learn, and even then I don't know if it's always advisable to do it when you're young. But surely if you won't learn all day long you better work because, it's yagia shneihem mishkachas avon, laboring for a parnosso, and laboring in Torah. If you have idle time on your hands, you'll be hanging around the house, looking for ways to argue with your wife, you stick your nose into the kitchen constantly; no,no good.
A man shouldn't be in the house too much. A house is for the wife to be, you have to be either in the beis hamidrash, or a place of work, that's the healthiest atmosphere.
The house is the woman's area to be.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
On the way into orthodoxy, if somebody is eating non-kosher salami, should he make a bracha? I'll paraphrase the question, we'll forget about the salami. We have many people today who are still not observant, but they are definitely on the way in. Should we consider their behavior as non-consequent, which means that they are contradicting themselves, that they are committing a paradox? Or shall we say that despite the fact of their non-observance, these people still are on the way to success, and they should be encouraged?
ANSWER:
I recall a boy who worked on Shabbos. This boy never rode the train, he always walked all the way across town to his job, and he walked back. Now the question is, did it make any sense? In his place where he worked he did all lamed tes melachos, he did every kind of work, and still he refused to ride?
That man is doing a tremendous thing, the man is leaving one area where he is protesting his love for the Shabbos, and anybody who is going to ridicule him is demolishing something that's precious. There used to be Jews who worked on Shabbos, but didn't smoke on Shabbos. There were a lot of Jews like that; now don't ridicule them. If you use that as a leverage, if you don't smoke on Shabbos, then you shouldn't do this and you shouldn't do that either, that's good, but don't tell them what good is it not to smoke on Shabbos.
Therefore there are lots of Jews today who are coming back, and you must be patient with them, because some of them will turn out to be the best idealists, and I'll tell you a little anecdote. Reb Yisroel Salanter zichrono livrocho, who lived a long time ago, a hundred years ago, he visited the German town of Memel; it's right near Lithuania. In Memel all the stores were open on Shabbos. So when he went there for a Shabbos, he asked if there were any Lithuanian Jews present. They said yes, some Lithuanian Jews are visiting there for business, so he didn't say anything. He waited for another Shabbos when no Lithuanian Jews were present, and then he got up and made a speech, and listen to what this great man said. To keep your stores open on Shabbos, that's something that you cannot help yourself. But is it necessary to go to the port and to take the merchandise from the ships that are brought in for you? (Memel was a port city) That you could do on Monday! That was his speech. It had an effect. Then he waited for another Shabbos, he didn't want any Lithuanian Jews to be present, because the Lithuanian Jews all kept Shabbos then, a hundred years ago, he didn't want them to hear.
The next Shabbos when no Lithuanian Jews were present he said, if you keep your stores open on Shabbos that's your parnosso, but do you have to write? Can't you get away without writing on Shabbos? And he spoke about the importance of not writing, and he gained his point. The end was, a number of German Jewish families in Memel became not only shomrei Shabbos eventually, but they became Torah aristocrats, and that's the way we have to deal with people.
When a man comes into the Shul and he doesn't observe much, don't shame him; you have to treat him delicately, because you can never know. And I want to tell you something, that these people many times have more idealism than people who are in it all their lives. People who are in it all their lives, many times are on the way out, and this man is on his way in. It's the truth. And even those who don't think that they are on the way out, they're hankering to be out, they are prisoners of the in, and you see it in their children.
Therefore, this question is a serious question, an important question, should a man make a blessing over a piece of treifa salami? So in practice you don't make any blessing, but I'll tell you what he should do, he should say words equivalent to a blessing in English. He should express his gratitude to the Almighty who has given him food, and eventually that man will say birchas hamazon over a kosher meal, I guarantee you.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
When contemplating the plight of unfortunates, isn't there a danger that one might become depressed?
ANSWER:
If a person is seeking reasons to be depressed, he'll find them even without looking at unfortunates. Here's a person sitting in a million dollar palace, a billion dollar palace, and all around him are well dressed lackeys, everybody is in the best of health, he sees no sign of misfortune. And one day they find this prince dead of an overdose of pills: he took his own life. It happens again and again.
Why did he do it, because he saw unfortunates? Because life was not understood by him, he didn't begin to appreciate life! Therefore he was reckless on giving up life.
If a person seeks to utilize what life gives him, the presence of unfortunates certainly will arouse compassion, but he should understand their function also is to arouse happiness and gratitude to Hakadosh Baruch Hu that he's not in their shoes.
And it's just the contrary, I always told you, a number of times previously, if you ever are depressed there is an instant remedy; visit a cemetery. Stand outside for a few minutes, and you'll see that it will restore you to your composure, because the biggest happiness of all is being alive.
When people are looking however to be depressed, if a man goes to a cemetery for the purpose of being sad, he can save himself the trouble.
He can sit home and he's going to be sad anyhow.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
ANSWER:
When you sit at the shulchan every day, you have to know that you are serving Hakadosh Baruch Hu. First of all, you have to eat l'shem Shamayim. When you eat you're demonstrating your gratitude to Hashem. M'chalkeil chaim b'chesed, why does Hashem feed the living with chesed? Ba'vur Shmo hagadol, for the sake of His great name, He gives you food for the sake of His great name.
As you eat, you marvel at this nes; food is a special material that nobody in the world is able to manufacture. No company, no chemist, no laboratories, can make food. They can change one food to another, but nobody can make food, it's a nes. It's a material that is able - when you ingest it, it becomes transformed into a thousand different materials, much more than a thousand, and each one goes to a different address in the body to replenish the materials that are missing by being worn out by use.
When you put a piece of bread in your mouth, it's beginning a very long and complicated journey; it's a nes. So as you eat the bread you're saying, m'chalkeil chaim b'chesed, it's a chesed... What's the purpose of the chesed? Ba'vur Shmo hagadol, for the sake that we should recognize His great name. Now that's a mizbeiach. You're sitting at the table and you are working on avodas Hashem, to recognize Hashem's great name.
What's greater than that? You think it's a small thing for a person to be oisek in a'chila l'shem Shamayim? And he's thinking of the great lessons that he learns from food. The nes of food, hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz, how does it come out of the earth? And all the complications of this great achievement. So by eating you can become very great, if you know how to eat properly.
In addition to that, sometimes your table is a mizbeiach of chesed. Sometimes you bring in somebody, an orach, a meshulach from Eretz Yisroel, if he trusts you for kashrus, and he sits down at your table, do you know what you are doing? It's a tremendous gift. Gedola Hachnosas orchim yoser m'hakabolas pnei hashchina (Shabbos 127:1). You took one of my children, and you brought him into your home, and you gave him a meal, it's as great as kabolas pnei Hashchina. So therefore the shulchan is actually a mizbeiach.
The old-time people didn't let their children sit on the table; if a little boy wanted to sit on the table just for a prank, the mother chased him off. "Don't sit on the table, the table is kadosh". And that's the truth; a Jewish table is kadosh. Only kosher food can go on that table, and around the table they sit and they say brachos, sometimes they learn at the table too. A Jewish table is kodesh kodoshim. The trouble is we are so accustomed to having it that we lose sight of the importance of a Jewish table.
The table deserves to be photographed, there should be pictures taken of it and the mementos should remain forever and ever. A table in a Jewish home is this scene where they made the Seder of Pesach, it's the scene where they made seudas Purim, they celebrated Yom Tov around the table, it's an avodas Hashem table. There were guests at the table, orchim; they brought up children at the table; they taught derech eretz at the table. At the table the father inquired of the son how he's learning, he's making an inspection of their behavior in the cheder, he gets the report at the table; very important a Jewish table. So no matter how you will understand it the table is kodesh kodoshim, it's certainly a mizbeiach.
That's why we have salt. When you make hamotzi, you dip the bread in the salt, al kol korboncha takriv melach, for every offering at that table, at that mizbeiach, do it with salt, to show us that it's a mizbeiach and so holy to Hakadosh Baruch Hu no less than a mizbeiach.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
They hear sometimes from me great respect and admiration for the members of the medical profession, yet I criticize the institutions of higher learning such as the college and university campuses. Now, doesn't the Torah say vrapo yerapei, you should heal? Which means you need doctors.
ANSWER:
I think this kashe is not too difficult to explain; it's a remarkable thing that this illustrates tonight's point exactly. The medical profession is actually one of the great demonstrations of the glory of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and I'll give you a moshol taken from the sefer Cheshbon Hanefesh, a great sefer by the way.
The Torah says vrapo yerapei, mikan shenitein reshus lrofeh lrapei, from here we learn that a doctor has permission to heal. Isn't that remarkable? You need permission to heal, not merely it's a mitzvah, but you need permission. Now listen to what he says. Some people say that you need permission, because if Hashem made somebody sick, then who are you to undo what He did? That's wrong, that's not the pshat.
Shlomo Hamelech we know made a famous throne. You'll find a description of his throne in Targum Sheini on Megilas Esther. He made a remarkable throne that was all clockwork; Shlomo had a good head. His throne was made that when you stepped on the first step of the throne, two lions on each side turned their heads and roared at you. It was an ordeal, it was all like clockwork. On each step as you walked up, other animals did their thing, and when you got to the top and you sat down on the throne, you pressed down on something and a dove came out and lowered the crown on your head. It was a remarkable piece of machinery.
The only one who knew how it was made was Shlomo, because he put his head into it; it was his recreation. So the Cheshbon Hanefesh says, imagine Shlomo Hamelech is away for a while, and something went wrong with the throne. It's a catastrophe because this throne was a world treasure, a unique treasure!. Everybody is saddened and they don't know what to do, and the call goes out in the town, in Yerushalayim.
Now there is a poor man with a good heart, he's a tinsmith, he puts patches on your roof, if your roof leaks he puts tin patches on your roof; he knows how to use tin a little bit. He heard what was doing in the king's palace, so he packed some pieces of tin and a hammer and some tacks, and put it in a carpet bag and came and knocked on the palace gates and he said, "I heard what's doing and my heart hurts me, I volunteer to fix the king's throne."
Would they let him look at the throne, would they even let him approach the throne? It's a danger, he would give it one bang and he would ruin it, they would never let him get that close to the throne. So the question is what is more complicated, Shlomo Hamelech's throne or the human body? The human body is complications upon complications; the smallest thing in it has so many processes that we don't even know how to begin describing them. It's remarkable that every time they publish a medical journal, they are revealing more and more depth in each subject. It's accelerated today, which means last week they didn't know these things, last year they were ignorant of fundamental things. It's speeding now, the knowledge.
So let's say, 30 years ago you went to a physician, he had no idea of these things, 30 years ago I don't know if the medicines of today were known, he went with complete trust to the physician. Now there should've been a law against it, nobody should be a physician, they don't know anything. Thirty years ago a physician was an ignoramus, today if he came back to this world and he had a conversation even with someone in medical school today, they'd laugh in his face. He was ignorant of the elementary things, but we walked in with respect and we let him do whatever he wanted.
So the question is how could you do such a thing? Don't forget, today's physicians will be considered ignoramuses fifty years from now, so how could you trust them? The answer is, Hakadosh Baruch Hu made a decree, mikan shenitein reshus l'rofeh l'rapei, I give permission, let him bungle and I'll try to help him out.
Therefore we don't know anything about medicine just the most superficial things on the surface, we are scratching the surface. We have to respect doctors because Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants them to do a job; they are His messengers. So if they have yiras Hashem and they are doing it l'shem shamayim, a doctor can be a malach! Therefore a doctor really could be a source of inspiration, because the doctor sees things that you don't see; he sees the marvels of the body. There is so much that a doctor knows that you don't have a chance of knowing, a doctor can be intoxicated with Hashem! He sees the miracles in everything, how things are complicated and purposeful.
But what do they do, they take this garment which is made to advertise the greatness of Hashem, and they use that as a mechitza and cover-up, not to see. Therefore up till now the doctors have been the most ardent advocates of atheism.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
There's a gemara that the entire Torah is taught to a child just before he's born. Question is, suppose it's a girl, does she also learn the entire Torah?
ANSWER:
She is taught the Torah of a girl. There is a big Torah for a girl to learn, a tremendous Torah. A girl doesn't learn technicalities that are not l'maase, but the things that she has to know are endless. You have to know the Torah of good character, of midos tovos, is a tremendous subject. The Torah of emunah, of daas Hashem, is an endless subject; the malochim are never finished: Tomid mesaprim kvod Keil. Now malochim have very good heads, in one minute they can see more than we see in our whole lifetime, and they are always busy talking about the glory of Hashem, that everybody has to study.
Men and women have to know that it's one of their life functions, to recognize Hakadosh Baruch Hu in this world, the kvod Hashem; there's so much to learn about that. The Gra used to say to his daughters, they should always learn mussar seforim;all the mussar seforim are available to girls. If a girl learns all these things, then she is a gaon, she's considered the same as if she would be a gadol hador. She has learned her Torah, she is a success.
Therefore, absolutely, the Torah is taught to boys and to girls, each one according to what he needs to know.
Good Shabbos To All
Question #71
QUESTION:
How could you prove to a small believer that the Torah was Divinely given and wasn't man made?
ANSWER:
Once a Rosh Yeshiva was sitting in his house, in America - this story is about 50 years ago. He was a European Rosh Yeshiva; he was on Henry Street sitting in his room where he was staying in America. A man came in with his son. The son brought his father, and the father said to the Rosh Yeshiva; "How do I know that the Torah was given at Sinai"? So the Rosh Yeshiva said, “Do you believe there was a Napoleon?”
“Oh yes,” said the man, “certainly.”
The Rosh Yeshiva said, “Did you see Napoleon?”
“No, never saw him.”
“Did you see anybody that saw him?”
“No.”
“How do you know that there was a Napoleon?”
“Everybody said so!”
So he said, “You know, there a lot of people in this world who never heard of Napoleon, a lot of people. Millions in India, millions, never heard of Napoleon. Millions!”
There are more people that heard about giving the Torah at Sinai, than heard of Napoleon. So if you believe what everybody says, that there was a Napoleon, means you're going after a great number of witnesses, or people who are handing over traditions. There's a still greater number, because all the Mohammedan's say that Hashem gave the Torah to the Jewish people at Sinai; there are millions and millions of Mohammedan's.
All the Christians say that Hashem gave the Torah to the Jewish people at Har Sinai, and the Jewish people surely say that. So you have so many witnesses. So therefore unless you stop believing in Napoleon or you stop believing in George Washington, then you have to believe in the Torah. Nobody saw George Washington today. Nobody saw anybody that saw George Washington, and still when Washington's Birthday comes they talk about George Washington all the time. They are convinced that he was there.
Oh, there are books of George Washington, you say.
There are books about Moshe Rabbeinu, certainly. There's the whole Torah that talks about Moshe Rabbeinu. Shmos and Vayikra and Bamidbar and Devorim, and Sefer Yehoshua, and Sefer Shoftim, they all talk about Moshe Rabbeinu constantly. Shmuel Aleph and Shmuel Bais, “you should walk in the ways of the Toras Moshe”, and Melachim Aleph and Melochim Bais, and then comes Yeshaya and Yirmaya, many books speak about him So we have books upon books, besides the books of the gentiles. So therefore, how can you prove to a non-believer that there was a Napoleon? If you'll prove to him that there is Napoleon, then Al Achas Kama V'kama, you can tell him he can safely believe there was a Moshe Rabbeinu and a Matan Torah.
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
רבי אומר איזוהי דרך ישרה שיבור לו האדם? כל שהיא תפארת לעושיה ותפארת לו מן האדם (אבות ב:א)
Rebbi said, "Which is the proper path that a man should choose for himself? Whatever is honorable for himself and earns him the esteem of his fellow men. "
Rebbi seeks to offer us a priceless piece of advice and instruct us how to choose the proper path down which one is to tread through life. Do what is honorable for yourself and earns you the esteem of others. Yet, Rebbi's instruction is still a bit ambiguous. What precisely is the course of action which brings a person these desired results?
The Rambam and the Bartenura explain that Rebbi was referring to the golden mean i.e. the middle road of each middah. For example, with regard to spending one's money, ideally one should be generous; which is the medium between stinginess and carelessly squandering one's assets. The same applies to each and every one of the numerous middos that make up the human character (barring arrogance and anger which the Rambam is of the opinion that one should take to the opposite extreme). Conducting oneself in accordance with the golden mean is both honorable and admirable.
In his introduction to Pirkei Avos, the Rambam writes (Shemoneh Perakim chap. 7) that every prophet perceived the glory of Hashem to a different extent. The degree of clarity was dependent on the amount one perfected his character. Every middah that is not polished acts as a partition which blurs the prophet's clarity of vision. The Rambam refers to an unperfected trait as one which was not aligned with the middle of the middah.
Rav Wolbe writes that the significance of this idea is apparent from the very inception of our Nation. Bnei Yisrael i.e. the twelve shevatim, were born specifically to Yaakov and not Avraham or Yitzchak. While Avraham personified total kindness (chessed) and Yitzchak personified strict judgment (din), Yaakov Avinu blended the middos of his forbearers into the middle road - the middah of tiferes. It was this fertile middle ground that was necessary for cultivating the Jewish Nation.
Shlomo HaMelech writes in Mishlei (4:13), "Hold fast to mussar do not let go; guard it for it is your life." What does Shlomo HaMelech mean that mussar "is your life?" The Gra explains that the purpose of life is to rectify any middah that he has hitherto not rectified. Therefore, continues the Gra, one must strengthen their connection to mussar since if he doesn't, "for what purpose is he living?"
In light of the aforementioned Rambam the Gra's words gain an added level of clarity. We were put on this world to overcome evil and forge a connection with Hashem. Every unbridled middah creates a separation between man and his Creator. Thus, if one is not focused on rectifying his middos and thereby tearing away the partitions that separate him from achieving the ultimate goal for which he was created, for what purpose is he living? In summation, Rebbi's guide to life is in effect a call to fine tune our middos.
A practical application to help implement this idea: It would seem that there is no better suggestion for working on one's middos than the guidance given by Shlomo Hamelech. Designate time for learning mussar. Specifically, the Orchos Tzaddikim might be extremely helpful, since with every middah discussed he enlightens the reader how the middah should be applied. Yet, any time spent learning any mussar sefer is absolutely precious!
How can you change a long-standing habit of too much talking?
ANSWER:
There are a lot of things to suggest. Make a sign and hang it over your telephone; hang it in every room of your house if necessary. You make a nice sign, go to a sign store and have them make ten or six copies or as many rooms as you have, and the sign should say: Shut your mouth! The best advice for your health.
Of course you may still need vitamins in addition to that, you still have to eat and sleep, but believe me that it's the healthiest thing that you can do for yourself. Look at that sign, and even though you won't obey it all the time, if you'll obey it part of the time it'll be a great benefit, a life saver.
Many people, when they have some worry they utter it; by uttering your worry you are making it real, by talking more about it, it becomes bigger, and the more you talk about it, the more the thing becomes aggravated. Most worries if you wouldn't speak about them, would pass by and not be noticed at all. That's why wise people don't utter, they don't voice their worries. I'll give you an example. You come home, and since you're a fool, and generally argue with everyone, so you tell your wife, "I had an argument with the boss today."
So she says, "You are fighting with everybody, always. It's just like you!"
So he says, "What do you mean I'm fighting with everybody? It wasn't my fault!"
"It was", she says. "And what about yesterday what you said to me?" And so on until it becomes a conflagration. And what started out as a small thing, now becomes as a focal point of irritation in his stomach membrane; that's the beginning of a future ulcer. Now these worries if they wouldn't be mentioned - it says al tarbeh sicha im ha'isha, don't speak much to a wife. What does it mean don't speak much to your wife? One of the meforshim say, don't tell your wife of your defeats.
If you came here tonight to hear this, then you didn't waste your time; only tell your wife of your victories. If the boss praised you, you can say it to your wife. If anybody said something good about you, you can repeat it to your wife, but if anything unfavorable happened, don't tell her! Because she's going to use it as a handle against you, either now or five years later. Never tell your wife of any failures.
Also don't tell her of troubles, don't even tell her that you had a blowout in a tire, because she's going to blow it up herself. She's going to talk about it. "I told you you shouldn't park there, you don't listen to me, you're stubborn, if you would take the car into the garage it wouldn't have happened", so on and so forth. Don't tell your wife of any troubles and you'll be surprised how many troubles will go away and nothing will come of them. Besides your wife is going to become troubled herself, and she'll make it in her mind magnified a hundred times more than it is.
So, if you don't talk you are doing a great favor to yourself and to others.
Good Shabbos To All
Question #70
QUESTION:
Why isn't all food made ready to eat?
ANSWER:
Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted us to work in this world. It's very important we should be busy. If we would live idly like Adam in Gan Eden, we would fall into sin, and that's why when Adam showed that total leisure was dangerous for him, he fell into sin. So Hashem said, from now on B'zeias Apecha Tochal Lechem, with the sweat of your brow you'll eat bread. You have to work for your bread, it's a blessing to work, Gedola Melacha, because you’re busy working it keeps you out of trouble.
If everything was ready made, you never have to do any cooking, women would go wild. It's a blessing that they stand in the kitchen, and there's a big opportunity. A woman standing at the gas range is like a Kohain at the Mizbeiach and she's Makriv Korbanos. She's Makriv herself on the gas range for the benefit of her family. Hakadosh Baruch Hu planned this world for work, work is a very important blessing in this world, Gedola Melacha, how great is work. Make no mistake about it, Adam was given this blessing, B'zeias Apecha, with the sweat of your brow. Tova Torah Im Melacha, you need work in this world, Sheyagia Shenaihem Mashkachas Avon, laboring in Torah and laboring in work causes people to forget sin.
And therefore when Hakadosh Baruch Hu made an exception and gave us fruits, He's reminding us of our original state. Our original state was planned to be total leisure, where we'd enjoy the fruits of Gan Eden. So on Chamisha Asor Beshvat we go back to Gan Eden for a short visit and we look at the fruits, and we utilize them for the purpose for which the world was created. Then we go back to our work, Shaishes Yomim Ta'avod, six days you should work, V'asisa Kol Melachtecha. When Shabbos comes, thank Hashem for Shabbosor on Shabbos thank Hashem that He gave you six days to work.
Think about that: Thank Hashem that he gave you six days to carry out all your plans, to labor, to perfect yourself, to create the benefits of character that accrue from work, Gedola Melacha. Shabbos is like giving Maaser. When you give a tenth of your earnings to Hashem, you thank Him for the other nine tenths, and when you keep Shabbos to Hashem you thank Him for the other six days. Shaishes Yomim, six days you should do your work, a blessing of six days, it's a happiness the six days, opportunity of six days, because the work is in itself one of the great benefits that Hashem is giving to mankind.
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
Why don't teeth grow with a child as bones and other organs grow?
ANSWER:
First of all, a child cannot be born with teeth otherwise he would bite his mother. A child has to have milk, a certain special nourishment, and human milk has no counterpart in the world; therefore he couldn't have teeth in the beginning.
Now as he grows, the Chovas Halvavos makes a statement always quoted here, why do teeth hurt when a child begins teething? In order to teach a child the nature of Olam Hazeh; this world is not going to be all fun, and he has to get accustomed to the idea that sometimes you have to bear it, you have to tolerate suffering. That's the introduction to Olam Hazeh. Now once a person learns to tolerate suffering, then he's ready to take it.
As time goes on and if he utilizes the opportunities to protect his teeth properly, if people teach their children to brush their teeth and not go to sleep with a candy clinging between their teeth, letting it rot during the night, then they are going to have good teeth when they grow up, and be good looking too. A girl with nice teeth can more easily get married too, no? Therefore it's important for parents to teach their children to brush their teeth, they'll be happy and healthier, but from neglecting your teeth anything can happen; a person neglects his health anything can happen.
Therefore the teeth are a great blessing, and when the teeth start falling out in old age, it's a sign to get ready for the great transition from this world to the next world.
That's why your hair starts turning white instead of remaining black, to let you know you have to start preparing.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
What lesson should be learned from the killing of a police officer this past week?
ANSWER:
Now we have to repeat an old lesson. You have to know there's a wind of liberalism blowing, and it's all lies. They'll tell you statistics that are lies, their statements are all lies. People will NEVER refrain from crime unless they are afraid of punishment! And murder has to have the death penalty; otherwise you'll never stop it. These liars say there's no proof that the death penalty is a deterrent.
You know that the Italian construction worker has more intelligence than the editors of the New York Times, no question about it, because these are artificial people, they don't think straight! It would be the very best thing if the editor of the New York Times once took a walk in Central Park, and he'd get a drubbing from some bums, or they would flash a knife at him, then he'd stop being a liberal. Because in the ivory towers, the affectation, the showing off, it's all showing off! They are against taking human life they say, oh terrible, they're horrified.
So what do they do? They are for abortion, and killing of millions of babies every year, that's alright! But taking human life, whose human life? A murderer? Oh no! We don't repay murder with murder! Then society themselves become the murderers, that's the very worst example! To murder a man who killed a policeman? That's a murderer, which means we are the murderers. So as long as we listen to these fools - these are fools, they have no intelligence at all, but they are doing it for a purpose, an affectation of showing off to make an impression on the world that they are higher people!
The truth is that they're the lowest of the low, because they're the ones who advocate every form of perversion, every form of wickedness there is. So how long, how long fellow Jews will you be blind and you'll vote for such people as Gov. Carey? You don't even think twice. Such a rasha merusha, Carey is the one whose hands shed the blood of all these innocent victims when he vetoes the bill for the death penalty, Carey is the arch murderer.
And all those people, I won't say the names of the Orthodox who make deals with Carey, they will get certain funds from the state therefore they will get the Jewish vote; they're all shedding blood, innocent blood, and Jewish blood. There's only one way to deal with crime, and that is there should be strict, stern punishments. For stealing there has to be stern punishment, for every kind of crime. The world will never be safe when the liberals are in charge of the attitudes of the public. We have to free ourselves from these attitudes, that's what we have to learn.
What do we learn from the murder of a policeman? We learn that you must go back to what was years ago, when they didn't murder policemen, they were afraid to murder a policeman, because they knew it meant sure death. If you murdered somebody else, also it was a pretty good chance you would also end up in the electric chair, but for a policeman he knew for certain that that was his sure destination.
But today? So that is what was caused. We are the ones who are to blame, and our own lives chas veshalom are in danger because we are stupid enough to be swayed by these whims that sway the reshaim.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
How can a poor and sick person (we'll leave out the sick person for the time being, let's first study a poor person) how can he fulfill ivdu es Hashem b'simcha?
ANSWER:
This poor man, let's say he's sick too now, (I'll make you happy, we'll make him sick too) I'm just joking, and now he's going to a specialist. A specialist, even a kind hearted specialist, takes $350. So this poor man asks if the doctor takes Medicaid and the answer is no, the receptionist tells him it's cash. So he pays $350, and suppose the specialist would hit him on the nose, I don't mean physically, but he'll guess exactly what's wrong with him, and the poor man will get a miracle cure and go home cured. He's still poor but he's not sick anymore. How will he feel on the way home? He'd be singing on the way home with happiness, he'd be walking on the clouds! he wouldn't know what to do with that specialist, he'd be so happy he'd worship him! He'd send cards to him every year; people do that.
Of course it never works that fast, even if a specialist does guess the correct diagnosis, but the cure is so gradual that by the time it's effective the man thinks that he himself could have gotten cured, and he regrets that he gave the specialist the $350. But if he is convinced that it happened through the specialist then he's grateful. So now here is a poor man, he's so happy he's delirious.
Now suppose this poor man never became sick, shouldn't he be just as delirious? On the contrary, he's $350 richer! So here is a chance for a poor man to be happy. So you say a poor sick man, let's say he remains sick, after visiting the specialist he remains sick.
Now a poor sick man is going to the dentist. His tooth is hurting him something awful, he tells the dentist, and the dentist does something to the tooth. Either he puts on some oil of cloves, or he pulls out the tooth and pain is gone. This man goes home a happy man. He's still a poor sick man but now he could sleep at night; he's full of joy. Now if a poor sick man has a toothache in addition to his sickness, it's much worse. There isn't a poor sick man who hasn't every cause to be happy. It's better to be a poor sick man in New York than a poor sick man in Moscow.
Suppose a poor sick man is able to emigrate from Moscow and come to New York. That man is treading on the clouds, despite his poverty and his sickness.
Therefore there isn't a person in the world - like the Mesilas Yeshorim says - there is not a human being in the world that doesn't have cause whether he's well or ill, rich or poor, who doesn't have abundant cause to be grateful. One of the biggest reasons for gratitude is that he is still alive! The poor sick man is trying his best to stay alive, isn't he? Therefore the fact that he succeeds in remaining alive is a very great happiness.
And it's nothing but lack of thought when people are incapable of being grateful, no matter what the circumstances are.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
If suffering causes greatness, how is it that when the wise men were asked, chavivin alecha yisurin, do you love suffering? One case after the other they replied no, lo hein vlo sechoron, they didn't want suffering.
ANSWER:
Could I say that it's good for you to suffer, and therefore I am not going to help you, because suffering will make you great? No! That's wickedness. I am enjoined by the Torah and by common sense; I must try to help you alleviate your suffering. I can't worry about your spiritual progress, I have to worry about your physical benefits; that's a general rule. You say no, let the man be hungry, because while he is hungry he won't learn gluttony, he won't pursue things that perhaps even would harm his health.
When people don't have much to eat, usually they live longer, people that have too much to eat, we know they kill themselves. No that's not our business. Our business is to supply people with all kind of good things, let them use their discretion.
Only when suffering did come on somebody, when it was unsought, then he looked back and he recognized the value that he received from it. It's always a post facto thing. We never seek suffering, because our bodies are not ours, and just as we are commanded to help our fellow man alleviate his suffering, we have to help this fellow man alleviate his suffering. We have no right to inflict suffering on our bodies, they are only loaned to us; we and our bodies are two different entities. We can't make our bodies suffer because we want spiritual progress. It's like I cannot make you suffer.
It's like a husband and wife, the wife tells the husband, "no more pastry in our house because I have to reduce." You can't make your husband suffer because of you. Therefore your poor body doesn't have to suffer because of you.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
How can we recognize if a man is a gadol hador, one of the great Torah leaders, who we must follow?
ANSWER:
The answer is, how can you know who is a good doctor? Do you ask the ladies on the block? No! You ask your local doctor. The local physician will tell you, go to this man, you have nobody else to rely on. Whether he knows or not, you have to obey him, so you ask physicians and they tell you.
If you want to know who is a gadol batorah, you have to ask people who are proficient in the Torah. And who are proficient in the Torah in America? The same as all over the world, the roshei hayeshivos are the most proficient.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
When Jews are tolerated, is that better than being persecuted?
ANSWER:
Now in our subject today, we are talking about resistance; that is the banner of the Jewish people. Resistance, as was explained is not only to armed opposition, also resistance is necessary to the ridicule of the nations, habooz l'gei yonim (Tehillim 123:4) the scorn of the arrogant against us, and that's what Mattisyahu had to contend with. But there is another resistance, that's just as difficult and just as important, and for this I will explain with a famous legend.
Once there was a man walking in the street with an overcoat, and the sun and the wind had a conversation. The wind said, "I am going to make this man remove his overcoat!" So the wind began to blow with force to pull the coat off his shoulders. What did the man do? He buttoned his coat more securely and he put his hands in his pockets to keep it from blowing off, and the wind lost out.
Now the sun said, "Let me take over!" And the sun began to shine, and it became warm and hot, and the man unbuttoned his coat, it became hotter so he carried it over his arm, and after a while he put it in his home and did not take it out anymore.
And that's the difference between persecution and tolerance. In the times of persecution there are people who yield, no question some people got lost because of persecution, but the majority of the people remained loyal. But the resistance to tolerance, that was the most difficult test of all. When the German people began to smile-it wasn't a real smile, it was an external smile to the Jewish people-when they showed their admiration for Mendelsohn because he was a writer and a philosopher, and Jews began to breathe the air of freedom, they became intoxicated in Germany.
Now some of them began to assume positions in the universities, high office in government, and therefore it became a rush to assimilation in Germany. This resistance was the weakest of all, the resistance against the sun of tolerance. That's where the Jew is in the greatest danger, and that's our battletoday, to fight back against tolerance.
Now we don't know how long it will happen, Hakadosh Baruch Hu might say, "My children, I see that it's too much of a test for you, to have too much tolerance, so maybe I'll change that and I'll have intolerance, so you'll button your coats more securely." So now the boys that run around with jeans and the girls with pants, and they engage in every kind of wickedness, because they are following the ways of the nations. Maybe after a while they'll think,"Look, the nations hate us, and they are persecuting us, so maybe we should go back to the Jewish people, to our nation, and the boys will go to yeshivas and the girls to Bais Yaakov? Could be it's a better thing.
Of course it would be much smarter if we would use the tolerance that we have now, which permits us to practice our Torah without any hindrance, and now is the time! But I'm afraid that they won't utilize this opportunity.
But that's the great test of the blandishments of the goyim. When the goyim are nice to us, then that's the worst kind of test there is.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
After one hundred twenty years, what will women be asked in the din v'cheshbon?
ANSWER:
I don't know what anybody's going to be asked, except a few questions, and the same questions apply to everybody. One question is, nososo v'nosato b'emuna, did you do business honestly? And honestly is not what you call honestly; honestly is what the Shulchon Aruch Choshen Mishpot calls honestly. If you are a bookbinder and you deliver the goods, did you paste all the pages in the right places? Or did you skip a few places? Because on thousands of books you make a lot of money if you skip just one place pasting. So you say, what's wrong, in general it's good? No, no... If you cheat even in the smallest thing, then you are very answerable for it, you'll have to explain what happened. And business is the most difficult thing of all, it's more difficult to be straight in business than to have a kosher kitchen, because the Choshen Mishpot is even bigger and more complicated than the Yoreh Deah, and this people don't know.
To be honest in business is more important than to have a kosher house. Of course if you don't have a kosher house, then your honesty in business also doesn't mean anything, because it means that you're an honest Italian, not an honest Jew. An honest Jew is a Jew who keeps kosher and believes in Hakadosh Baruch Hu, he's honest because Hakadosh Baruch Hu requires it. Honesty in business is a prime requirement and you are going to be asked, nososo v'nosato b'emuna, and not what you think is b'emuna, what Hashem thinks is b'emuna.
And the next question is, asakto b'piryo v'rivyo, were you busy having children? If you practice contraception you are going to have a very red face. Was your house full of children? Were they driving you crazy? That's what they're supposed to do. Children are supposed to drive you crazy, and if you have dreams of a quiet and tranquil house, where everything is in place, then you don't know what a home is supposed to be.
A home is a place where children are romping and breaking things and driving you crazy, and that's normal, and for that you get Gan Eden. And a woman who has tzar gidul bonim, aino roeh pnei Gehinnom, she won't even look at Gehinnom. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, she had it already!
But it's not true, because she had it with Gan Eden together. As she was wiping up what a child who was walking around with diapers left on the floor, she's doing it with love; a mother loves the chores of attending the children. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu in his kindness will consider that Gehinnom. And those who are suffering from tzar gidul bonim, aino roeh pnei Gehinnom, they won't look at Gehinnom, even from a distance, they won't pass by it. There are a lot of things; everybody will be answerable, men and women.
Therefore, nobody should think that they are going to be spared on the Yom Hadin. Just because they don't have to put on tefillin; there are things that are much more difficult than tefillin.
Good Shabbos To All
This email is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
An age-old question: should someone marry another person to whom there is a feeling of comfortableness, but lacks a special feeling toward that person?
ANSWER:
That's a question that's constantly being asked of me and others. And we have to understand that the special feeling is mostly the result of propaganda. The world has been propagandized to think that there is a certain magic moment when something happens within you, and thereby you know that this is the right person.
Now we see today that these magic moments are happening every day with different people-the same party! If you read about the careers of movie artists, today it's this one, next month it's somebody else; so these are magic moments that repeat themselves and all of them are nothing but deceptions.
What's the magic moment in buying a house? When you look at the house, does something click within you and tell you that that's the right house? Then beware, you might discover that there's no sewer there connected to the city sewers, you might discover that there is no wiring in that house, you might discover that the house is rotten through and through with termites! You can't buy a house with intuition, you need experts. You pay a couple hundred dollars and have an expert exam of the house, from the roof to the basement.
And marriage also should be based on expert opinions of others; you are certainly not the judge of whom to marry. Now if somebody else is going to give an opinion, then it's not your feelings. Of course if you feel a repulsion, then you can't marry that person.
But if you don't feel any feeling of a special objection to the other party, and all considerations are discovered to be proper, like this question proposes-families and backgrounds and tastes are similar-then it looks like an ideal opportunity. If you feel comfortable, so do it and you'll feel comfortable for the rest of your lives.
But if you married by intuition, then the day after the marriage the intuition disappears and you'll feel uncomfortable for the rest of your lives.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
Important Numbers
