How can you change a long-standing habit of too much talking?
ANSWER:
There are a lot of things to suggest. Make a sign and hang it over your telephone; hang it in every room of your house if necessary. You make a nice sign, go to a sign store and have them make ten or six copies or as many rooms as you have, and the sign should say: Shut your mouth! The best advice for your health.
Of course you may still need vitamins in addition to that, you still have to eat and sleep, but believe me that it's the healthiest thing that you can do for yourself. Look at that sign, and even though you won't obey it all the time, if you'll obey it part of the time it'll be a great benefit, a life saver.
Many people, when they have some worry they utter it; by uttering your worry you are making it real, by talking more about it, it becomes bigger, and the more you talk about it, the more the thing becomes aggravated. Most worries if you wouldn't speak about them, would pass by and not be noticed at all. That's why wise people don't utter, they don't voice their worries. I'll give you an example. You come home, and since you're a fool, and generally argue with everyone, so you tell your wife, "I had an argument with the boss today."
So she says, "You are fighting with everybody, always. It's just like you!"
So he says, "What do you mean I'm fighting with everybody? It wasn't my fault!"
"It was", she says. "And what about yesterday what you said to me?" And so on until it becomes a conflagration. And what started out as a small thing, now becomes as a focal point of irritation in his stomach membrane; that's the beginning of a future ulcer. Now these worries if they wouldn't be mentioned - it says al tarbeh sicha im ha'isha, don't speak much to a wife. What does it mean don't speak much to your wife? One of the meforshim say, don't tell your wife of your defeats.
If you came here tonight to hear this, then you didn't waste your time; only tell your wife of your victories. If the boss praised you, you can say it to your wife. If anybody said something good about you, you can repeat it to your wife, but if anything unfavorable happened, don't tell her! Because she's going to use it as a handle against you, either now or five years later. Never tell your wife of any failures.
Also don't tell her of troubles, don't even tell her that you had a blowout in a tire, because she's going to blow it up herself. She's going to talk about it. "I told you you shouldn't park there, you don't listen to me, you're stubborn, if you would take the car into the garage it wouldn't have happened", so on and so forth. Don't tell your wife of any troubles and you'll be surprised how many troubles will go away and nothing will come of them. Besides your wife is going to become troubled herself, and she'll make it in her mind magnified a hundred times more than it is.
So, if you don't talk you are doing a great favor to yourself and to others.
Good Shabbos To All
Question #70
QUESTION:
Why isn't all food made ready to eat?
ANSWER:
Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted us to work in this world. It's very important we should be busy. If we would live idly like Adam in Gan Eden, we would fall into sin, and that's why when Adam showed that total leisure was dangerous for him, he fell into sin. So Hashem said, from now on B'zeias Apecha Tochal Lechem, with the sweat of your brow you'll eat bread. You have to work for your bread, it's a blessing to work, Gedola Melacha, because you’re busy working it keeps you out of trouble.
If everything was ready made, you never have to do any cooking, women would go wild. It's a blessing that they stand in the kitchen, and there's a big opportunity. A woman standing at the gas range is like a Kohain at the Mizbeiach and she's Makriv Korbanos. She's Makriv herself on the gas range for the benefit of her family. Hakadosh Baruch Hu planned this world for work, work is a very important blessing in this world, Gedola Melacha, how great is work. Make no mistake about it, Adam was given this blessing, B'zeias Apecha, with the sweat of your brow. Tova Torah Im Melacha, you need work in this world, Sheyagia Shenaihem Mashkachas Avon, laboring in Torah and laboring in work causes people to forget sin.
And therefore when Hakadosh Baruch Hu made an exception and gave us fruits, He's reminding us of our original state. Our original state was planned to be total leisure, where we'd enjoy the fruits of Gan Eden. So on Chamisha Asor Beshvat we go back to Gan Eden for a short visit and we look at the fruits, and we utilize them for the purpose for which the world was created. Then we go back to our work, Shaishes Yomim Ta'avod, six days you should work, V'asisa Kol Melachtecha. When Shabbos comes, thank Hashem for Shabbosor on Shabbos thank Hashem that He gave you six days to work.
Think about that: Thank Hashem that he gave you six days to carry out all your plans, to labor, to perfect yourself, to create the benefits of character that accrue from work, Gedola Melacha. Shabbos is like giving Maaser. When you give a tenth of your earnings to Hashem, you thank Him for the other nine tenths, and when you keep Shabbos to Hashem you thank Him for the other six days. Shaishes Yomim, six days you should do your work, a blessing of six days, it's a happiness the six days, opportunity of six days, because the work is in itself one of the great benefits that Hashem is giving to mankind.
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
Important Numbers
