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Posted 3/11/2018 7:24 PM |
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| Parenting |
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When your own parents aren't supportive....
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We never outgrow the wish for our parents' approval. Even in those cases where a person must admit - at least intellectually - that his or her parents just can't give it, the yearning for it doesn't diminish. We can - and should - step in and offer that approval and support to OURSELVES from the most nurturing and loving part of our own psyche. We can understand and sympathize with our own struggles, encourage and support our own efforts, praise and commend our own endeavors. We can do this for our loved ones as well and as we do so, we will find that not only will THEY benefit, but we will too. Loving words heal both the speaker and the listener.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 2/19/2018 8:01 PM |
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| Parenting |
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Will you be one of those parents who enjoys fantastic relationships with their teenage and adult children?
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When we show plenty of affection and approval to a child, we can get away with occasional displays of displeasure and anger. We are, after all, human and we do, after all, feel real irritation from time to time as we go through our parenting day. Nonetheless, we will want to express less negativity than we feel because this young person - as challenging as he or she may currently be - is growing into a person who may one day be one of the truest, closest, most loving friends that we will ever have. The love we show now nurtures this potential lifelong friendship. Keep the future in mind when you correct and guide your child today.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 2/19/2018 7:59 PM |
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| Parenting |
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You can't always know what to do THIS time, but you can certainly plan for the future..
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In the heat of the parenting or marriage moment, the goal is to minimize damage. When a child or partner is intensely agitated or upset, YOU cannot force him or her to turn off those feelings; you can only (if you are physically safe) remain calm and present, waiting for the storm to settle enough that you can say something. What you choose to say at that moment may be minimal - something that acknowledges the distress, promises to address it at a specific time later on, and helps to redirect the person (i.e. "I understand you're really upset at me right now...let's talk about that after dinner and see what we can do about it...right now, we have to leave.") Take time AFTERWARD to think about what you want the person to know for the future. Think about strategies you might use in your communication and/or intervention. Then apply those strategies when the time is right.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 2/16/2018 12:03 PM |
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| Parenting |
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Your child's teacher has a lot to do with your child's happiness and success this year...
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When you make your child's teacher feel appreciated and supported, your CHILD benefits. Get on the teacher's team: acknowledge whatever challenges your child has and figure out together, how to best help. Be sure to let the teacher know how much the child likes him or her and, through your own smiles and kind words, ensure that your personal approval comes across as well. A teacher works hard for an appreciative and understanding parent - but is not likely to go that extra mile for one who complains and criticizes. No matter how justified you feel, don't risk your child's year by getting "tough" with the teacher.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 2/16/2018 12:00 PM |
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Here's what to do after you've said something you never should have said...
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When you've said something to a loved one that you now regret, first forgive yourself. Then ask your loved one to forgive you for your inappropriate outburst. Then forgive your loved one for triggering you to the point that you said something that you now regret. Compassion and forgiveness are good for all of you, all the time.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 2/16/2018 11:55 AM |
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Do you feel like you're failing in the eyes of others? Here's the cure....
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No one is as hard on you as you are on yourself. No one is thinking all night about the sweater you wore to the event. No one is worrying all day about the fact that you fed your kids macaroni and cheese for 2 days in a row. In fact, no one cares much about the small details of your life because EVERYONE is busy worrying about their own life. Therefore, don't stress about what others think and do cut yourself some slack. Loving yourself makes it easier to love your family too.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe
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Posted 2/16/2018 11:54 AM |
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It's natural to worry about a child whose problems are already creating challenges for him or her.....
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There's no point in worrying about your child...what will be, will be. There IS value, however, in focusing your attention on the child's strengths and nurturing them to the best of your ability. Keep them uppermost in your mind at all times (even as you address his or her weaknesses to whatever extent you can), as this will encourage both YOU and the child.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 2/8/2018 11:34 PM |
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Hoping for change can sometimes backfire, leading to endless conflict and misery....
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If you know your spouse isn't good at something - disciplining the kids, arriving on time, organizing papers or whatever - and you've known this for many years already, consider giving up the hope that he or she will ever develop this skill or talent (in the same way that YOU have had difficulty with certain tasks throughout your entire lifetime and probably will continue to be challenged in those areas). This isn't meant to be fatalistic - both your spouse and you might surprise everyone and suddenly develop a talent in a weak area. Meanwhile, however, you can refrain from the constant battle and the feeling of "surprise" regarding poor performance in certain areas. Just accept the weakness and graciously work around it as much as you can - and when you can't, quietly accept the level of performance as it is without further recriminations. In fact, continue to offer positive feedback, encouragement and compassion, as these strategies certainly help your relationship and might even help your partner's performance.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe
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Posted 2/7/2018 10:06 AM |
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There is not a single spouse or child on earth who has no flaws...
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We are all limited - great at some things, not so great at others. You hope that people will accept you despite your weak points. You hope that they will overlook your flaws. And in this hope you are totally correct; why should others focus their attention on what's WRONG with you when they can focus their attention on what's so right about you? Do this for your spouse and kids. Give them the gift and kindness of being seen through a positive lens. Let them know - through your daily speech - that you see what's RIGHT about them and accept - and even overlook - their constant small failings.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 2/6/2018 10:26 PM |
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How can you get your child to remember to do his tasks?
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When a child has a task to do (take out the garbage, do his homework, set the table or whatever, resist the urge to remind and prompt and remind and nag and remind and remind! Such behavior on your part only teaches the child that he doesn't need to make the effort to remember or schedule his tasks since YOU are clearly so willing to carry those burdens. In reality, the more you forget about your child's responsibilities, the more he'll remember them. (Obviously, if he has a deficit in this area due to some mental health condition, get him the remedial help he needs.) When he fails to remember, set up consequences that he'll have to deal with. Let the consequences help sharpen his memory.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 2/4/2018 10:00 AM |
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When you just can't get your child to do what you want her to do.....
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Sometimes, you can't get your child to do what you want her to do; you feel completely helpless. And then, you may erupt in rage, hoping that you will be able to "force" her to comply. But even if you succeed, you and she both feel the awfulness of your behavior and are harmed by it. For your own sake, and for the sake of your child, never allow yourself to behave in ways that make you feel bad afterward. It's better to remain helpless for a little while. You can use the time to seek some parenting advice from your spouse, a friend, a mentor or a book, and then you can come back to the situation to try to gain compliance in a different way. Remember: a little helplessness won't hurt you; a little rage, will.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe
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Posted 2/1/2018 10:17 PM |
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Children don't always feel that they can share their most difficult experiences....
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We can never know what our children are thinking or what secrets they are keeping from us. All too often, children and teens are afraid to share experiences with their parents that they experience as shameful or overwhelming. In their attempt to cope on their own, they draw on woefully inadequate, and sometimes destructive, thoughts and behaviors. One thing that parents can do to help, is bring up difficult issues proactively. The library has a large collection of child-friendly books on all sorts of topics (bullying, abuse, addictions, self-harm, obsessions, divorce, depressed feelings, anxiety and so on) that can be read and discussed with youngsters. These books do NOT cause children to develop problems they don't have! They open discussion and provide badly needed education and prevention. Parents can also ensure that they are approachable by staying calm and relaxed when discussing these kind of topics, indicating by their tone and behavior that they accept, understand, and can help, with the hard side of life.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana
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Posted 1/31/2018 10:29 PM |
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Posted 1/29/2018 11:06 PM |
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Do you always know what to do in parenting? If so, you're the only one......
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It's normal to feel confused in parenting. Should I let my child do this activity or not? Should I discipline him or ignore what he's doing? Should I change my mind or stay firm? Does it matter if I'm the only parent who insists on "xyz" or is it unfair to my child? At what age should a child be doing "abc?" The questions are endless, the uncertainty rampant. And how can it be otherwise? Raising a human being raises an infinity of unanswerable questions; the parent who is absolutely sure about everything he or she says and does is over-confident and under-humble. When you are feeling unsure, pat yourself on the back for having the wisdom and humility to recognize the enormity and impossibility of the task before you. You can never know for sure. You can simply try your best.
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Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe
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Posted 1/29/2018 11:06 PM |
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Sometimes a loved one speaks angrily to you and it's so tempting to....
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When a spouse or child says something angrily, it is tempting to respond by correcting his or her style: "Don't speak to me that way!" While it WILL be important to talk about HOW this person communicates to you, NOW is not the time. Obviously the person is upset. Learning centers in the brain take a back seat during these moments to emotional and survival centers. There's no point in trying to teach your lesson now. Instead, the task at hand is to help calm the person's emotional centers, to remove the sense of threat (unless you yourself are in danger, in which case, the task at hand is to remove yourself physically). Try to focus on WHAT the person is saying, rather than style. What is causing him or her to feel so upset?Keep in mind that hurt, insult, helplessness, and other emotions may be sitting under the frustration, anger and/or resentment. Listen for the feelings, more than the words. Acknowledge the person's feelings, without discussing whether they are valid or not. Wait till significant calmness has returned before discussing the actual issue (and its solutions and/or the way in which it was presented. Always seriously consider your own role in the upset; sometimes there is a valid point behind a loved one's strong accusations (and other times, not). Decide if there is something YOU need to do to help address the situation.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 1/25/2018 1:07 PM |
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Why do loved ones make careless errors and other mistakes?
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When a spouse or child has done something wrong, don't ask him or her why he or she did it. You don't want to force loved ones to admit that they were careless, stupid, neglectful or otherwise deficient! People do things wrong because they are human! If you're human, you also do things wrong! Simply get onto the important part: tell the person what you need him or her to know for the future. "Please be more careful next time."
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Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe
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Posted 1/25/2018 1:04 PM |
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Posted 1/23/2018 12:53 PM |
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A person's identity is bound up with his or her name. Say your child's name carefully...
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When your child is in the middle of doing something wrong, and you want to stop her from continuing to do it, do you call her by her name? How does that sound to her? "LEAH!!! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" How often will she hear her name spoken in that harsh way? How will that eventually make her feel about her name? How will that affect the way she feels about herself? If you want her to feel good about herself, always say her name softly, with love. If you're mad, don't say it at all.
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Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe
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Posted 1/23/2018 12:53 PM |
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Help yourself and your child feel loved at the same time.....
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Using endearments ("Sweetie," "Honey" and the like) when speaking to loved ones, reminds them that they ARE loved ones. Using them also makes you feel both more loving and more lovable.
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Copyright © 2018 Sarah Chana Radcliffe
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Posted 1/18/2018 9:03 PM |
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Important Numbers
