If you sincerely suspect that a child or person is being abused, you MUST
report it. It is a Mitzva (positive commandment). Reporting child abuse is NOT
in any way Lashon Hora. We are obligated to protect children. (p.s. before doing
this, look up what the signs of abuse so you really know what to look for and
report and how to handle it. see here for specific information about abuse http://www.legal-info-legale.nb.ca/showpub.asp?id=75)
Lesson 2
Rule 2 - of speaking about a person for shidduch/marriage
purposes
Say only what you know to be 100% true. Don’t exaggerate or embellish. Even
one word of exaggeration is considered lashon hora and slander. There is a big
difference between saying "s/he is quiet" and saying "s/he is very
quiet".
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon
Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that
is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a
derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to
Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or
child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of
Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
Four questions to ask yourself before giving information.
1. How well do i really know this person?
2. What is the source of my information?
3. How do i feel about this person?
4. What will happen to this information after i disclose it?
Lesson 2
Rule 1 - in giving information about a person for relationship/marriage purposes
Think through your response carefully! Are you sure the information you are about to share is totally accurate, or is it perhaps partially or totally based on secondhand information? This requires careful considerations since many of our impressions of other people are based on secondhand information. (** Note, secondhand info is allowed to be shared under certain circumstances that will be forthcoming)
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
the chofetz chaim said that regarding a shidduch (marriage partner) people speak when they should be quiet and hold back when they should speak. since we all will be called upon at any time to divulge information about someone for marriage purposes, we must learn what we can and cannot say, what kind of information we can ask for, and when and how to convey that information.things that you may be obligated to say before someone starts dating can be completely prohibited to say after they are dating for a while.
Lesson 2
When you are asked for information about an individual for relationship purposes, be sensitive to the power wielded by every detail conveyed. your words can easily be the sole reason a shidduch is abandoned. also, withholding certain information can be the sole reason a shiduch proceeds which can cause tremendous pain for all involved. These are important things to think about in how we specifically speak with official shiduch inquiries, but also when a friend tells you someone was suggested or that they are dating someone - what could be the first impact of your response when you say "ugh" or "seriously" or say something even specific. Do we think before we have these reactions? do we know what can happen when we react or give information?
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
Q. whats the deal about saying lashon hora about people who are not Jewish. It says, “Do not go around as a gossiper among your people” (Leviticus 19:16), and a non-Jew is not “your people.”
A.Obviously, one is forbidden to slander others, for every type of falsehood is always forbidden. Yet the fact that something is permitted does not mean it is recommended. After we left Egypt, on the way to the Land, we spoke Lashon Hara against G-d and against Moses, and G-d unleashed serpents on us. How did that happen? Our sages explain: “The nations refused to allow us to cross through their land and we were forced to make a long, tiring detour, and we spoke Lashon Hara about those nations.. This led us to speak Lashon Hara about G-d and about Moses. Be careful! i) It is a bad habit which could lead to talking other Lashon Hara that is forbidden; ii) It would cause a Chilul Hashem (desecration of God’s name) if they knew you spoke Lashon Hara about them. The rule is this: Guard your tongue! Preserve the purity of your lips!
Lesson 2
In matters of shidduchim or married couples, the subject of lashon hora is a very serious one. Lives can be ruined. Relationships that should exist might be destroyed and destructive relationships might be brought into unjustifiable existence. Children may be crushed. Generations who should be born may not be. Don’t act on your own. Take practical questions to a qualified person. The laws differ for one asking questions and for one replying.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
Please print off before Shabbos to review on Shabbos.
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud
Lesson 1
Any statement which is forbidden to relate because it is categorized as Lashon hora would be forbidden to hear, or if already heard, to believe it. This includes listening to and believing tales about improper actions, faulty character traits, lack of intelligence, or the misdeeds of someones family.
Lesson 2
The manner in which lashon hora is conveyed to you (through writing, hinting, speaking, or signaling) makes no difference, it is still the same lashon hora.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
June 19th, 2008 Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud
Lesson 1
Q. What’s the source for a prohibition about complaining
about Israeli taxi drivers (as a whole), or about the Israeli government (as a
whole), etc.? Or what if I relate a negative experience I had with a
particular Israeli taxi driver, but neither I nor the person I am
speaking to know his name, and we wouldn’t even recognize him if we saw him
again? Or, what about speaking negatively about Israeli government policies?
These things are not related to the land per se.
A. Some people think it is forbidden to speak only about
an individual person, but not against a group. In fact its worse to speak about
a group even without mentioning their names.
For example "the people in that country are very selfish" "the girls in
that camp are snobby" "chassidim in that chassidus are so aggressive" "the
ladies in the bungalow colony are rowdy" "The teachers in that school are not
experienced" "the bus service is so unreliable" "the kids in that school come
from very troubled backgrounds". Its not okay for a teacher or student to talk
about a class in general saying things like "my class is very mischievous". All
of these statements are considered lashon hora because they are belittling an
entire group of Jews. When you generalize a statement onto an entire group of
people i will think those negative things about all taxi drivers - even if i may
not know the particular tax driver you had a bad incident with.
Lesson
2
Q. Are we allowed to tell someone that a certain store
doesn’t accept credit cards or something like that? because if you say that,
then the store will lose out money. Even if its not considered lashon hora that
person will still be making the owner lose money?
A.
You ARE ALLOWED to tell someone that a store doesn’t accept credit
cards because its not a negative thing. The storekeepers made the decision not
to accept that method of payment - its their choice and its not a negative
choice. So yes, you can state that as a fact to your friend. Telling them in a
negative way like "ugh that person is so stupid and behind the times why doesn’t
s/he get credit card machines" That would be considered lashon hora.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon
Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that
is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a
derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to
Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or
child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of
Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
Wednesday June 18 Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud
Lesson 1 - In response to your questions...
Question: Are we allowed to make fun/talk negatively about a
city?
Answer (part a.) - It is considered lashon hora to talk
negatively about Israel (cities, the country, or the people) like saying "those
israeli’s"... or those Drivers in ...or anything like that. With regards to
other cities (including Israeli ones) the laws of lashon hora apply - so it
would depend on your purpose of doing it and the method you do it in. For
example, if you need to warn a friend to not move to a particular city to
prevent that family from financial, emotional, spiritual harm... then the rules
of speaking lashon hora for a constructive purpose apply. So, maybe dont say
that "this city sucks don’t move there" but rather suggest without specifying
derogatory information that it may not be the place for them. Another example,
if your friend has panic attacks by being in crowded places, maybe suggest that
going to a certain populated area may not be the best thing for their health and
that another place may be more calm or suited to their needs.
Lesson 2
If a group of people has not begun speaking
lashon hora, but you know that its members constantly belittle others, you
should not associate yourself with that group.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon
Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that
is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a
derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to
Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or
child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of
Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
June 16, 2008 Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud
Lesson 1
We are in a world filled with stress, anger
and derision, all of which continually, powerfully pull in the opposite
direction. The chofetz chaim whose life was a testimony to the enormous positive
power of shmirat halashon, said that the daily study of these halachot is the
best way to succeed in this mitzvah. Not only does such study fortify one with
knowledge, it rewards us with the Heavenly assistance we need to put our
learning into practice.
Lesson 2
When you are around people who are speaking
lashon hora, and you feel that they wont listen to you tell them to stop, you
are still required to speak to them about it. Silence - can be construed as
approval. So therefore, try to defend the victim even if you feel your efforts
will be fruitless.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon
Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that
is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a
derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to
Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or
child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of
Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
Since listening to lashon hora is forbidden, what should we do if someone wants to tell us derogatory information? Maybe it will be necessary information that we need to know to protect ourselves from a possible loss? So... Ask the person if the information s/he wants to tell is necessary for a practical beneficial purpose (i.e. to prevent you from being cheated). If the answer is Yes. Then we are permitted to listen to it. However, the information cannot be accepted as truth - only used so we can take precautions.
Lesson 2
If it is apparent that you will not derive any practical benefit from what the person plans to tell you (even if the speaker claims you will), you are forbidden to listen. In many instances, a speaker won’t say that "No, the information isnt necessary." Therefore, be careful to read between the lines and be sure what you are hearing is really for a constructive beneficial purpose.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
As mentioned, it is considered lashon hora when we speak negatively of any sect/group of Jews. This includes saying things like "sfardim always..." or "oh those lubavitchers..." or "wow the Jews from that area are so..." This is something to be really careful about.
Lesson 2
The mere listening to lashon hora, even without believing it, is very harmful because it encourages the speaker to continue relating derogatory information.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
The Torah forbids us from listening to lashon hora, even if we dont intend to believe what is spoken.
Lesson 2
Sometimes, even when you avoid lashon hora, you hear it against your will. If you inadvertently hear it, you are forbidden to believe it to be true. Your mental image of the person spoken about should not be altered in the slightest.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
We are not allowed to say that someone is poor. This could create difficulties should the person want to buy on credit or obtain a loan. ** This law of course depends on the circumstances. For example, at times it may be the exact opposite - it may be lashon hora to say that someone is not poor; for example, about a poor person collecting money.
Lesson 2
Lashon Hora is relative. A statement may be complimentary if said about one person, yet negative when said about someone else. Whether or not the statement constitutes lashon hora depends on the person being spoken about. We cannot excuse it by saying "I wouldn’t mind if someone said that about me" or "I would have done the same thing myself". If what you say will be considered derogatory to the person being spoken about, it constitutes lashon hora.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud - Monday June 2nd
Lesson 1
The more people learn the laws of shmirat halashon(guarding our speech), the more we get upset or anxious that we will have nothing to talk about anymore with friends or family because it seems that everythign is lashon hora. The Chofetz Chaim tells us that this is not true. The chafetz chaim himself was a great conversationalist. One can have pleasant deep intellectual lively conversations while abiding by the laws of protecting our speech.
Lesson 2
It is considered lashon hora to say that a person is lacking a certain virtue, even if it is true. It makes no difference whether it is that persons fault - or something beyond their control.
Beware of the following descriptions - their use can be detrimental:
Stupid, Immature, Idiot, Dumb, Babyish, unintelligent, backward, slow, dim-witted, dopey, childish, untalented, retarded, not all there, thick-skulled, dull, moron, not bright, limited, a fool, dense, silly....
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE
Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE
About Whom is it Forbidden to Speak Lashon Hora - Any Individual Jew - Alive or not, - adult or child, family member (spouse, in-laws, parent, child, siblings), groups/sects of Jews, Entire Jewish Nation
Please Say/Whisper The Words Out Loud Lesson 1 It is important to NOT ask for information from anybody who dislikes the person you are asking about. Likewise, do not ask a business person for information about his/her competitors. In such cases, the reply will usually contain outright lies or distortions of the truth. Lesson 2 The prohibition against speaking and hearing lashon hora also applies to relatives. For example, asking out of curiosity how one’s child or cousin is doing in school just for the sake of curiosity can elicit lashon hora. Again, seeking information about someone is permitted only when its for a constructive purpose.
Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE
Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE
When it is permissible to ask for information about someone, the person speaking is obligated to give a truthful answer, even if the reply will contain negative information.
Lesson 2
Again, even when circumstances allow for listening to a derogatory report for a beneficial and constructive purpose, it is forbiddent to accept the information as absolute truth. Just listen enough to be suspicious and protect yourself from possible harm or loss.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE
Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE
We said that its considered lashon hora to talk about someone elses negative character traits (i.e. anger, laziness). This is because its very likely that the person IS NOT aware of the seriousness of their actions. The proper approach to deal with this is to speak to the person directly and sensitively explain what is wrong with that trait. This way you can be helping out the person instead of harming them.
Lesson 2 -Relating Faults in Order to Prevent Imitation
If a person sees faulty characteristics in someone (i.e. a bad temper) and worries that their children or students might learn and imitate those traits, it is proper to warn them to keep away. If your intention is to make others aware and warn them to not follow someone with negative traits - you are permitted and it is considered it is a positive thing.The prohibition is about words being said to belittle and discrace the person being spoken about. (to be continued).
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE
Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE
Relating other peoples faults to prevent imitation - cont’d
Lesson 1 - We said that it is permitted to alert others (like children or students) about someone elses bad characteristics only if your intent is to warn them not to repeat/immitate those traits.
In such situations - you need to clearly explain to the child/student why you are repeating this negative information about another person.
Lesson 2 If an entire community acts improperly and you are scared that someone might copy their behavior, you are permitted to point out their shortcomings - ONLY to prevent someone from mingling with them.
(The specifics of these laws will be forthcoming)
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE
Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE
Sometimes a rabbinical court/Bet din issues a ruling to make someone perform a certain action. When the person refuses to comply with the ruling without offering a valid legitimate excuse, the Bet Din is allowed to publicize the person’s refusal. (ex. someone refusing to give his wife a Get/bill of divorce).
Lesson 2
It is forbidden to talk about another persons faulty negative character traits. This applies to 1. referring to a particular incident (i.e. someone got angry in a situation) and 2. general judgments about others (i.e. that person is always arrogant). This is considered lashon hora even if its a well known and accurate description of the person.
------------------------------------------------------ Lashon Hora = Saying a derogatory/negative statement about someone else that is TRUE
Motzi Shaim Ra (Defamation of Character) = Saying a derogatory statement that is FALSE
Important Numbers
