Q. (I, B"H became a complete baal teshuva less than a year ago. I'm now learning at a yeshiva in Israel but my parents who are totally not orthodox want me to spend Pesach with the family together and since they are very good to me I can't say no.)
I came to an understanding with my parents and they are letting me use a small kitchen in the basement that I kashered. I buy my own kosher food and use disposable dishes. But for the Seder, I have to join the family and the food is not kasher lepesach or otherwise. Can I sit with them, place a napkin and eat my own food and recite together their shortened version of the hagadah?
A. Shulcha Aruch (O.H. 440: 3) rules that you are not to seat on Pesach at the same table with one that is eating chometz even if you are using a separate tablecloth. Mishnah Berurah (ibid. 18) explains that although in other prohibitions this may be permitted, chometz in Pesach is different since even a very small amount is forbidden.
The best scenario ideally would be if you could convince your parents to observe a proper kosher seder. Since that may not be possible yet and I presume you are trying to change their attitude to religion by being kind, cooperative and respectful your best bet may be to go along with the following guidance from Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit"a.
Since I presume you are in the Toronto area the shkiah this year at the first seder will be at 8.00 PM. Most likely your parents will make an haalachik unacceptable early seder before Pesach even begins. At that time you can still eat without making kidush. You can eat your own kosher l"pesach food sparingly so you don't satiate, but not matza. You can also recite and sing along with your family their shortened Hagadah English version, explain to them the real meaning of Pesach and finish before shkiah. Then when night falls you can either do your own private seder or better get invited to a proper seder. If you have any problem finding one, please contact us a.s.a.p.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit"a
Important Numbers
