Q. A widow who has become very interested in converting to Judaism. She is quite serious and committed. However she promised her late husband that she would be buried next to him. Obviously the cemetery is not a Jewish cemetery. She wants to know if this will make it impossible for her to convert.
A. Although the Talmud (Yibamos 22a) teaches that a ger that converts becomes a newborn person, Poskim disagree whether that also applies to oaths and promises uttered while he was a Gentile. Mishne Lemelech (Melachim10: 7) maintains that a Gentile who promises to bring a korban transgresses on “lo Yachel” (not to violate his word -. Bamidbar 30: 3) if he does not keep his word. He points out to the many oaths taken by our Forefathers before the receiving of the Torah including the Kabalas Hatora itself, but wonders why they should be binding, since this prohibition is not included in the seven Noahide Mitzvos.
Ayeles Hashachar (Beshalach 15) maintains that if a Noahide took an oath and then converted, he has to keep his word, while Bais Yitzchok (O.H. 92) disagrees. Mishnas Hager (76, p. 693) differentiates between oaths taken for the sake of Hashem and those expressed in relation to others; ruling that the later ones have to be kept.
Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit”a opinion is that if this widow converts she may not have to keep her promise. He pointed to Gilyon Hashas (Avoda Zara 5b) that asserts that the “lo yachel” prohibition does not apply to Noachides).However, he suggested that she should try to be buried in a Jewish cemetery close by to where her husband was interred. He also suggested to gather a group of friends to her husband’s graveside, and explain the reason of why she is now unable to honour her promise.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit'a
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