Q. What are the differences between the chupa ceremony of a first and a second marriage for both chosson and kallah?
A. There are differences between the minhogim and traditions of a first and those of a subsequent marriage ceremony. According to Poskim (Nitey Gavriel – Nisuin 49: 3: n. 3) they are based on the success of the second luchos over the first broken ones. Due in part to the fact that the latter ones were given without the overwhelming splendor and the great publicity that characterized the giving of the first. Some of the most important differences are as follows:
1) It is customary not to write Tnoim on a second marriage and only do a kinyan between the parties. (Imrei Yosher 2: 203, Maharash Engel 5: 53 et.al.)
2) No invitations are usually printed and the event is carried out with modesty and diffidence (Nitey Gavriel – Nissuin 1: 43: 3)
3) There is no obligation for the chosson to receive an Aliya on the Shabbos before or after the wedding and usually there is no Aufruf ceremony with the traditional throwing of peklach of candies, although some do it.(Maharil, Biur Halocho 137: Shaarei Efraim 2:6)
4) The wording and the amounts written in the Kesuvah are different. (Shulchan Aruch E.H. 66: 6)
5) Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit'a opinion is to preferably avoid the seven hakofos the kallah normally does around the chosson. However, their parents (if present) can accompany the groom and bride to the chupah.
6) Even those who are careful not to get married at the end of the month, do so on a second marriage (Hanisuin Kehilchosom 17: 9)
7) Being more stringent as not to have a chupas niddoh since the main chupa on a second marriage is the yichud or seclusion which can not be carried out when the kallah is a niddoh (Even Haezer 64:5, Bnei Ahuva – Ishus 10: 2, Hanisuin Kehilchoson 17: 12)
8) There are different traditions in regards to the Badeken or the chosson covering the bride with a veil ceremony. Some avoid it altogether, it is done by others instead such as the accompanying women, or it is done by the chosson under the chupah. (ibid.19)
9) The ceremony is done usually indoors and not under the sky (Pischei Teshuvo 62: 1), and no instrumental music is usually played (Aruch Hashulcahn E.H. 55: 24 and 64: 17)
10) There are different traditions as to the wedding dress of the bride. Horav Shlomo Miller indicated that she could dress in white, but not with the prominence, length and extent accustomed in a first wedding. The Chosson wears a Kit'l if that is his family tradition (Nitey Gavriel ibid. 9)
11) In regards to the mitzvah of rejoicing with a new wife during the first year, Yoshiv Yitzchok (E. H. 34) maintains that it applies (following the Minchas Chinuch opinion.)
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit"a
Important Numbers
