1) The Aseres Yemei Teshuva, and particularly Erev Yom Kippur, is the ideal time to apologize, beg forgiveness and ask for Mechila from anyone that we may have slighted in any way throughout the previous year (or longer).
Sins that require Mechila from another human being will not be wiped away with Teshuva alone, until forgiveness is sought. If one asks you for Mechila, you should find it in your heart to forgive them. (Mateh Ephraim Siman 606:1)
The Poskim say that if the one who wronged you does not come to you to ask for Mechila, then you (the victim) should go to him/her and present yourself to him/her in such a way to encourage them to ask you for forgiveness (Mateh Ephraim Siman 606"3based on Gemara in Yoma 87a).
The Seforim compare this to us and Hashem. In the Yemei HaTeshuva Hashem comes down from Shamayim and makes it easy for us to ask - and receive- His divine forgiveness, as it says in the Posuk "Dirshu Hashem B'HiMatzo- Seek out Hashem when He is near".
2) Asking Mechila in a general way (e.g. "Are you Mochel way for anything and everything I may have done etc.) is sufficient for minor infractions only. However if you wronged someone in a significantly harmful way (spoke scandalous Lashon Hara about them, caused them significant monetary damage etc.) you must beg their forgiveness specifically for that infraction, and must verbalize the details upon asking. (Mateh Ephraim Siman 606:2)
If you spoke Lashon Hara about somebody and they don't know about it, and by revealing it to them (in order to ask forgiveness) you will cause them additional pain and anguish , it is a dispute amongst the Poskim as to the best course of action.
Rav Yisroel Salanter Zatzal maintained that if by going over to the person who you spoke against to ask for mechilah will cause them further harm, it is best not to let them know, and try to do as much Teshuva as possible, and try to spread good about that person in other ways. (Rav Shlomo Zalmen Auerbach Zatzal ruled according to this opinion)
The Chofetz Chaim Zatzal (Hilchos Lashon Hara Klal 4:12) ruled that Teshuva was only complete with mechila, and even if it caused further harm, you must approach them.
For Halacha L'Ma'aseh, of course, a Rav must be consulted.
It goes without saying that when asking for forgiveness it must be sincere and you must genuinely regret what you did and resolve not to do it again. Simply mouthing the words "Are you Mochel me?" isn't sufficient. Likewise, the one who says "I am Mochel you" but doesn't really mean it, and continues to bear a grudge in his heart, is doing a disservice for all parties involved.
Reader's Question:
Is there a source for knocking before entering one's house?
Answer:
Yes, this is stated in a Mishna in Maseches Derech Eretz Rabbah Perek 5 and brought in Talmud Pesachim 112a and in Nidah 16b that Hashem despises those who [habitually, according to the commentary of the Ya'avetz] enter any home (even their own) suddenly, without knocking.
CHIZUK CORNER
This section is dedicated L'Ilui Nishmas the late Telzer Rosh Yeshiva , HaRav Chaim Yaakov ben Rav Binyomin Moshe Stein Zatzal.
We will B'Ezras Hashem post here each day a short inspirational thought to help us all improve our lives and grow in our service of our Father in heaven, HaKadosh Baruch Hu.
IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING MEANINGFUL FOR THIS SECTION, PLEASE EMAIL IT TO HalachaForToday@Gmail.com
The great say of my soul, "There is no salvation for him from G-d, Selah!"
(Tehilim 3:3)
One of the challenges that people face is from what "the multitudes" have to say. When one wishes to serve HaShem in a unique manner, many people will scoff and say that this cannot be done. The answer to these skeptics, as we will learn in the next verse, is to recognize that one must place his trust only in HaShem, who provides a person with the ability to overcome all obstacles.
Written by daily reader, Rabbi Binyomin Adler. To receive Rabbi Adler's Torah emails on a variety of topics contact him at shabbostaamhachaim@gmail.com
Important Numbers
