SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Afterword: Shidduchim Situations (continued)
Through the course of this sefer, the Chofetz Chaim has told us many times that there is a vast difference between knowing information firsthand and hearing it from another party. As we have discussed, if one knows firsthand that a party in a shidduch (marriage match) has a serious hidden medical problem then he is obligated to inform the other party of this. The same would apply if one party is lacking in religious observance, or if his or her home is a place of pritzus (low moral standards).
What if one knows this information from a second source? For example, Reuven heard from a friend, who has since moved out of the area, that a certain young man has a medical problem. The young man is about to become engaged to the daughter of Reuven’s neighbor. In this case, Reuven should state the situation exactly as it is: “I don’t know this for a fact, but I have heard from someone else that this young man has…. I suggest that you check it out.”
The Chofetz Chaim concludes his sefer with the following:
“The general rule is: A person must carefully ponder all his ways, especially the way in which he speaks. He should not meddle in matters between a man and his fellow unless he is certain that his facts are accurate and that his intention is constructive and not because of hatred. He should give thought to the results of his statements, that nothing contrary to halachah should come about because of them. With such care and forethought, Hashem will assist him that he should not be caught in the snare of the yetzer hara (evil inclination).
“May the Rock of Israel rescue us from mistakes and show us wonders from His Torah. Blessed is Hashem forever, Amen v’amen.”