How does one increase love for his wife, when her chesronos (shortcomings) still bother him?
There will come a day, after a hundred and twenty years, when he will come into the house and his wife is not there anymore. He'll say, "Sarala, where are you?" She's not here anymore.
Oh, now he sees what a misfortune it is, he can't hear her voice anymore. He will look back and it will hurt him to no end. "Why was I so mean to her?" After all she's a woman and I am a man, nobody is the same! Even two men can't be the same all the time, you cannot agree with everybody, you have to learn how to get along with somebody else.
"I didn't utilize the opportunity; I missed the opportunity to be a mentch. I should have kept quiet when she said something silly, I could've been tolerant, after all she made meals for me all the time, always made supper for me, she was a good cook, she kept the house clean, she took care of the children… all the things she did for me, and I was ungrateful to her."
You have to know that it's going to hurt him no end, and in the next world he's going to shrei (scream) "gevald,gevald", reshoim melei'im charotos. "Ribono Shel Olam let me come back to this world and make another attempt!"
"Oh no," Hashem says, "you had one chance and that's all."
And so while you still have your wife, concentrate on looking at her maalos. You'll find plenty of maalos; don't be foolish, there are plenty of maalos. If she didn't have maalos she wouldn't put up with you either.
Make it a career of seeing only the good, and you'll discover there is very much good.
Good Shabbos To All
This email is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210