Is it true that Rabbi Miller once said that a wife should avoid going to the bathroom when her husband would come in immediately afterwards? If so please explain.
ANSWER:
This is a statement by Rav Chisda who admonished his daughters. In the olden days they had no bathrooms, and he told his daughters that they should not go to a place on the fields where their husbands would come, and that is sound advice. A wife should always maintain the illusion that she eats roses. As silly as it may seem it is nevertheless a fact, that a husband can be kept all his life under the impression that his wife is nothing but a cloud of daintiness. It's only a careless woman who dispels that allusion and loses precious capital. Of course you cannot avoid going to the bathroom when it's necessary, but if you do go and you know that your husband will have to use the bathroom, make it your business to do what's necessary, the place should be well aired and perfumed before you leave. Those who wish to ridicule this, let them do so, but Rav Chisda was smarter.
It's very important to recognize the gashmius, the material relationship between a husband and wife. They don't marry merely for spiritual relations. A husband regards a wife entirely different than teachers regard a talmidah. And to maintain this delicate relationship, which is a combination of materialism and spiritualism, it's necessary for the wife to be a chachomah. At all times she should look her best and in all other ways create the mostfavorable impression. Even though it is sometimes burdensome, there's effort involved, it pays; it pays. Any amount of effort invested in maintaining thisillusion is worthwhile.
Even eating in the presence of her husband should be done most daintily. It's when the husband has not yet come home from work, that she can dive in and really enjoy herself, she can slurp the soup and smack her lips, and live it up. When he comes, if she sits down at the table with him, she's already had her fill and now she can eat like a little bird and her husband admires her as a spiritual being.
So you girls who think it's funny, should know that Rav Chisda was smarter.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
Important Numbers
