In this week’s Parsha, Chayei Sarah, we learn more about Chesed and how to perform it properly. The Parsha specifically details two distinct chasodim--that of Halvoyas Hameis and of Shidduchim/Hachnosas Kallah. These two kinds of chesed would appear to be the most public types of Chesed possible. The deceased is eulogized and buried in public, and one usually comforts mourners when there are other (sometimes many other) people around. Similarly, weddings typically involve large gatherings of diverse people in a happy setting. Yet, Chazal (Sukkah 49B), based upon the Posuk in Micha (6:8), specifically highlight Halvoyas Hameis and Hachnosas Kallah as two mitzvos that should be performed "b’tznius--discretely". Rashi there explains that one need not necessarily weep in public, nor on the other hand, balance three balls on his nose, in order to demonstrate that he truly feels the pain or, hopefully, the joy of another. It is up to us to think about how we can truly empathize, or truly rejoice, with another without the world, or a good part of it, having to know about it.

Let us now focus for a moment on the first step--the necessary prerequisite--for Hachnosas Kallah, which is the sometimes easy, but usually not so easy, the process of finding a bashert. Each one of us is probably familiar with at least one couple who were each other’s first date. The much more common experience, however, is the difficulty and struggle of mixing and matching--especially for those who are not well-connected, and those who are kind enough not to hound family, friends, and/or shadchonim with their frustrations and their needs. The Torah incredibly goes out of its way to teach not only how Yitzchok Avinu was paired with Rivka, but also how Adam was given Chava, Yaakov Avinu introduced to Rochel, and Moshe Rabeinu to Tziporah. It is rare (to say the least) for the Torah to repeat one kind of event, albeit important, more than once. Here, however, the basic reason for the repetition seems clear: the primary importance of shidduchim as a basis for humanity, and for the continuation of Klal Yisroel. In assisting others--whether they are immediate family, distant family, friends or acquaintances, to find their zivug hagun--their proper mate, we are participating directly in a most sublime Chesed. As far as we know, the only human state that the Torah expressly calls "not good" is for man to be alone (Bereishis 2:18). If we are truly looking to help others, we should certainly help them to rid themselves of a "not good" status. Moreover, if it is not good for them, it is not good for us, because all of our lives, and all of K’lal Yisroel, are inextricably bound together.

So, what can we do? We are not professional Shadchonim, we are not social butterflies, and we barely have the time to take care of our own little needs, let alone having the time to actually work on, and sometimes convince, two families that your recommendation is solid, or two "out-of-towners" to "go out" with each other.

Our modest proposal: As this week is the parsha of shidduchim, and, as Chazal teach that privately performed chesed is especially meaningful, we suggest that you, together with your spouse or close friends, undertake b’li neder, to make just one date--just one good attempt at a match--in the year 5767. Let the Torah, let the actions of our Avos, let your G-d-given and inspired feelings for others be your guide.

This week’s Parsha is before us. It is talking to us. The task may be daunting, time-consuming and embarrassing--but this really means that your efforts are all the more worthwhile.