Isn't it unhealthy to keep things inside when a person keeps quiet?
ANSWER:
Now you have to know, there's a lot of garbage that is being taught by psychologists. They say, talk yourself out. Which means as follows: open your big mouth and make as much trouble as you can, and then you're going to come to us at a hundred dollars a visit. I once spoke to a man who went to a psychologist, I asked how long have you been going? Twenty five years. Did he help you? No, he didn't help me but they made me understand my problems better, and he made them understand that he has a lot of money to spend for nothing.
If a person wants to unload himself, he should do it to another person who is an understanding and wise person; go to a chochom. Yeilech etzel chochom, and tell him the problem and the chochom will tell you, it's not so terrible, it'll pass by, don't speak about it to your husband or to your wife, tomorrow it'll be different. He goes home or she goes home, tomorrow it's all forgotten. If they open up their big mouths and talk it out to his wife or to her husband, they start a fire, the fire gets bigger and bigger, word for a word, who knows what's going to happen.
Therefore, daaga b'leiv ish yesichenu l'acheirim. If you have a worry in your heart, speak to somebody if you wish; don't tell your husband your rancor against him, don't tell your wife your resentment against her, don't say that, no, it makes trouble. Don't say it to your in-laws, don't say it to anyone.
If you can't find a person who is responsible and capable, don't say anything. If you have a Rebbe, go to your Rebbe, he'll hear you out, he'll give you a glett (loving touch), he'll say "Chaim'll don't worry about it, it's nothing, my wife does the same thing to me, too."
And so if you keep quiet then you'll lead your grandchildren to the chupa together.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
Important Numbers
