What should one tell his wife or his daughters when they are influenced by styles to wear garments that are not according to tznius?
ANSWER:
Now that's a painful question to ask. Why do I say painful? Because the question should have never been asked. As soon as a man marries there's no doubt that he should lay down the law, this is how it's going to be. If the question is asked however by a person who married somebody when they were not frum and later became frum, so the question is, what to do then.
Now let's talk what happens however when someone decides to adjust themselves, so he has to explain to his wife and daughters. Look, I see you're very careful with milchig and fleishig; two sets of dishes. That's a kedusha, that's a holiness in the Jewish house, like it says in the Chumash, (Devorim 14.21) ki am kadosh ato la'shem elokecho lo sevashiel gedi bachaleiv imo, to keep milchig and fleishig separate you're an am kadosh. Where do you find such things? A nation that has two sets of dishes, and it's such a job to keep it apart, and they don't eat them together, they have to wait after fleishig to eat milchig. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. This your wife and your daughters appreciate, they understand that, and they are sometimes more kanoi (fanatic) then you are. "Don't do it, don't touch it they say, you're making it fleishig".
You have to explain to them however, that a dress that's not tzniusdik is a hundred times worse than milchig and fleishig mixed together. Milchig and fleishig is a matter of kedusha, it's not called tumah however, it's assur. Arayos is called tumah, immorality is called tumah in the Torah. Vnitma'uh, anything that smells of immorality is called tumah. When women or girls try to make themselves seductive to people who are not supposed to see them in that light, then they turn mi'us, they become smelling bad with the wickedness of tumah.
A woman should always dress well for her husband, always dress well. You have to make a hit with your husband always. But for other people? Especially by using garments that are not tzniusdik, it's like wearing in the street a chamberpot full of something. It's tumah! (Yevamos 12.a) Tumah kesiv bo k'arayos. And you explain to them, you're careful with milchig and fleishig, then al achas kama v'kama, how much more careful you have to be with the garment that you wear.
Good Shabbos To All
This email is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures. To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
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