This email is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210
QUESTION:
Why are there so many agunos around?
ANSWER:
Tragedy!! So many people have made the tragic error of breaking up. Now I would suggest that every couple, as soon as they're married should attach themselves to some Rabbi and some Kehilla; it's a steadying influence. When you know there's somebody whose respect you desire, and there's a group of people whose good opinion you'd like to maintain, so it would prevent you from doing rash things.
Many times a marriage is broken by one rash action, but when you know that people will be happy, the enemies will say, "Oh, you see what he is? We always said he's no good". In order to keep people's mouths closed you will try to do your best and maintain good appearances.
Therefore it's very important to be part of a good community and especially to have a connection with some Rabbi, and you should always make it your business to be settled in such an environment that's conducive to a steady and permanent marriage.
Of course you need a great deal of advice how to maintain marriage successfully, and yet the fact of a good environment is important. If you live in a community where people are divorcing all the time so the example is very harmful. I know there are certain towns in the suburbs where people are divorcing constantly, it's a tragedy. All of them are sorry, all of them are sorry, they may not say so, but their lives are ruined.
No matter how difficult it is to get along with each other, that's the success of life, and eventually even though they were fighting for years and years, they'll lead their children and grandchildren to the chuppa, and then when the time comes they'll go to the funeral parlor and weep for each other, one has to be first...and they should be able to say that we lived successfully despite all the difficulties. But just to yield to the yetzer horah and break up, even because of something that may seem serious, is never serious enough to justify the great tragedy of breaking up a marriage.
Important Numbers
