Wednesday’s shiur was given by Mrs. Chavie Krieger. Her topic was, Forgive Yourself and Then Forgive Others The shiur was ,sponsored by an Aneinu member Lelue nishmas Hinda bas Avrohom Yitzchok, and for a zivug tov for gittel bas basya

And by a 2nd member l’ilu nishmas her grandmother Sara Masha bas Avrohom, who was just nifteres this past Sunday evening At the age of 99. These niftaras should be a meliz yoshar for their families and for all of Klal Yisroel.

Chavi is a big believer in the power of tefila-the more we put in the more we take out. We have dubbed her the shmonei esrai lady, because she has come on many times in the past and she feels very strongly, that women, no matter how little time they have should give it to their supreme effort to say 2 shomona esrays a day-their benefit to ourselves and to Klal Yisroel is unfathomable.

In last night’s shiur, she told over how she was speaking with a Chassidishe Rebbe and she was saying how she is davening but she doesn’t feel her tefilos are being answered.

And the Rebbe answsered, “are you holding a grudge against someone?” She was not expecting this answer and this set her on her quest to delve into this topic in greater detail.

And she learned that when we hold a grudge against someone for a wrong we feel they did to us, this grudge hampers our tefilos and the tefilos of that person in reaching the Kisah HaKovod.

She explained, that contrary to what many of us have come to believe, that when we are insulted or hurt by someone else, we need to keep quiet and swallow it. Rather the meforshim say and specifically the Rambam that we are obligated to ‘stand up for our rights’. And interestingly enough, if we find that a certain person keeps bothering us or similar situations keep occurring , we should know it is a sign from Hashem, that he wants us to learn ‘ to be assertive’.

And what this means, that in a nice way we have to tell ‘our oppressor’ that her behaviour is unacceptable. By facing our opponent directly, we are less likely to to speak loshon hora about them to someone else and even if the other person doesn’t listen to us-being proactive might ensure that we do not hold a grudge, which hampers
our tefilos immensely.

The important thing to remember, Chava said, is when we are being hurt by someone else, we must remember that the message if from Hashem and the person is just a messenger he is delivering some sort of message and It behooves us to try to figure out what is Hashem trying to tell us. And by realizing that this person is just a messenger we are less likely to be upset at her and hold a grudge.

The Chofetz Chaim writes in his sefer, Ahavas Yisroel”-Lo Tiznah Ochicho B’livovach” we are not allowed to hate our brother in our heart-if he is bothering us-we must deal with it. And It is not healthy to bottle things up. If we are able to forgive the person, without confronting him, then that is good also, and if we confront the person and they are unresponsive, we are to realize that even that is from Hashem and the point is not to hold a grudge.

Chavi also spoke about how we are too hard on ourselves when we do something wrong and we never forget that we messed up. Really, the process is ‘vidu, charata and kabala al haysid’ We have to admit our shortcoming, regret it , and take on ourselves to try not to do it again and then it is over. We are not supposed to mull on our wrong action for days, weeks and years.

Interesting, the torah speaks about ‘charoto’which means –regret-it does not mean –feel guilt. Many people feel guilty and don’t let go. And because that is how they Judge themselves, then they are definitely going to judge their ‘oppressor’that way and not forgive and forget.. And we are to remember that if we follow these 3 steps

Then we are sin-free and we have to continue our life as if we didn’t commit that sin, because now the sin no longer exists.



-To hear Chavi’s shiur, please go to kol halsohon



To hear the shiur on Kol Haloshon:
416-800-2146

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Shaindy Kappel
Aneinu Tehillim