Is it preferable to daven in a good minyan when there is no Rov, or in another minyan with a lower class of clientele, but has a Rov present?
It depends. Sometimes even when there is a Rov present, people act like he's not present! And therefore you are better off in the other place. But suppose all things being equal, and one place has somebody who has a certain responsibility, authority - no question.
There is another reason. I want to tell you something that happens all the time with me. A woman calls up, her husband is terrible; he's brutal, he's selfish; very many times this happens. I say, doesn't your husband have a Rabbi? No, he has no Rabbi. Friday night he goes to this shul, Shabbos morning someplace else, Mincha he goes someplace else, the weekday someplace else; he has no Rabbi. He never says good Shabbos to the Rabbi; he doesn't even know the Rabbi. So he doesn't have a Rebbe.
To whom can she complain, to a stranger? If there is a Rov to whom he feels a certain attachment, he likes the Rov to have a good opinion of him, then that can help out very much. Otherwise he's an orphan, he's a yasom. Who should she talk to?
You should never marry a man who doesn't have a Rebbe! Otherwise who knows what's going to happen, to whom will you complain? If he has a rosh yeshiva at least, his old rosh yeshiva could be appealed to and could have an influence on him. Otherwise he's a self-made nobody, a self-made man; so to whom can you appeal to influence him?
That's why it's very important, very important, to have somebody gavra d'mistofona, somebody you are afraid of, then your wife doesn't even have to call up at all. The mere fact that there's somebody that you are afraid of already makes a mentch out of you.
Very important; very important.
Good Shabbos To All
This is transcribed from questions that were posed to Harav Miller by the audience at the Thursday night lectures.
To listen to the audio of this Q & A please dial: 201-676-3210