When your kids are little, you don't mind cleaning up after them. As they get older, you expect them to chip in and do their part. As they become even bigger, you expect them to help out beyond cleaning up their own personal messes; they are "members of the household" with the responsibility to contribute to its upkeep. When they get so old that they leave home and only come back for visits, it will be your greatest pleasure to totally clean up after them again - not. However, you will find yourself doing just that (because you will be afraid to "upset the cart" and because you are so grateful to them that they have decided to visit you!) unless you actually TEACH them when they are young that they always need to be "helpful guests" in the homes of other people, including those of their parents and in-laws when they grow up! When you take them to visit grandparents, relatives and friends, train them to clean up after themselves and always ask what they can do to help the host and hostess. Then, when they start coming home to YOU eventually, gently remind them about their obligations as a guest - as soon as possible. As a middle-aged or older parent, you will not want to be doing all the prep and clean-up for your adult children and their families when they visit (whether that is once a week or once a year). If you somehow forgot to do this and several years have already passed, you can still introduce or re-introduce the "helpful guest" concept by simply asking for a bit of help. Gradually increase the requests until you reach a comfort level that stops you from feeling resentful, exhausted, mistreated or otherwise unhappy when your kids visit.
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