When a loved one criticizes us, we may just criticize him or her right back. "You left your cup in the sink." "Ya, well you left your shoes in the hallway so don't tell me about cups in the sink!" These counter-attacks deliver the message: "Don't criticize me until you're perfect" - meaning, never criticize me. If we successfully shut down family communication this way, we suffer in the end. To keep the lines of communication open, to give loved ones the message that you are willing to hear their honest complaints and concerns, always respond to the issue directly. "Yes, you're right - I did leave it in the sink. Sorry about that." Don't offer reasons or excuses; just admit when you've messed up and move on.
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