Want to help your spouse use less anger and more skill in dealing with the kids? Start by using Emotional Coaching with your spouse. Show that you understand his or her feelings of helplessness, frustration and upset. "I know you can't tolerate her rudeness - and I don't blame you. Respect is a prime value for you and I agree with that principle too. No wonder you lose it when she speaks like that!" AFTER emotional coaching, go on to offer a new skill. "You know, I think that it's so important that you get your point across to her. The trouble is, she can't learn it while she's still in her upset, agitated state of mind. Can I make a suggestion here? I think waiting a bit until she calms down will allow you to really get through to her. Let her emotions settle and her brain start working again - and then speak to her slowly, heart to heart, to both SHOW her and TELL her what respect is and why it's so important for her to show it. She really needs to get this once and for all. Waiting those few minutes might make all the difference to how powerful you can be. What do you think?" By using great parenting skills on your spouse, you'll be both SHOWING and TELLING him or her what needs to be done.
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