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Here's a way to reduce marital conflict by 60% or more....
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You know how hard it is on your nerves when your kids fight with each other? You know how it ruins your mood and raises your stress levels? Well your kids feel the same way when you and your spouse fight except that they feel not just agitated by your conflict, but also scared, overwhelmed and helpless. In fact, your conflict hurts them FAR more than their conflict hurts you. Keep this in mind when your partner provokes you. Don't fall for the bait. Instead, take your time and respond properly when you have a private moment. A hidden benefit in this strategy is that you will often find that waiting a bit causes the "big deal" to become a non-issue that doesn't even require a response - so you may be able to reduce your conflict by 60 - 80% just by giving your kids a break. Waiting a bit is good for all of you!
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 10/23/2017 10:50 AM |
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| Parenting |
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Here's a way to reduce marital conflict by 60% or more....
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You know how hard it is on your nerves when your kids fight with each other? You know how it ruins your mood and raises your stress levels? Well your kids feel the same way when you and your spouse fight except that they feel not just agitated by your conflict, but also scared, overwhelmed and helpless. In fact, your conflict hurts them FAR more than their conflict hurts you. Keep this in mind when your partner provokes you. Don't fall for the bait. Instead, take your time and respond properly when you have a private moment. A hidden benefit in this strategy is that you will often find that waiting a bit causes the "big deal" to become a non-issue that doesn't even require a response - so you may be able to reduce your conflict by 60 - 80% just by giving your kids a break. Waiting a bit is good for all of you!
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 10/23/2017 10:38 AM |
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Why your child WANTS you to say "No!"........
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Despite what it might look like in the moment, your child actually WANTS you to say "no" - particularly when you say it in a firm, but kind, way. "No, I'm sorry sweetheart: no more popsicles today." He wants you to help build the self-control centers in his brain: installing first YOUR voice and then his own. And, your child WANTS you to mean what you say, wants to be able to trust and respect you, wants to feel secure and grounded with you, to be able to rely and depend on you because you don't flip back and forth (you have a solid backbone). He wants all this despite whatever theatrics he pulls to help change your mind. So when you have to say "no," keep in mind that you are doing exactly what you need to be doing for your child, even though he isn't smiling and thanking you right now. He'll thank you later.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 10/23/2017 10:37 AM |
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Posted 10/23/2017 10:36 AM |
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Your worry can convey a lack of confidence in your child....
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Worrying is the act of making negative pictures in your mind. When you worry about a child's future, you are picturing a dismal outcome. This isn't good for you or for your child. On a physical level, you are sending stress chemistry through your own system. On a neurological level, you are wiring a negative thought pattern into your brain. On a psychological level, you depressing and scaring yourself. On a spiritual level, you may be arranging negative forces! Instead, always picture the future as positive. See it clearly, as if it's already here. You will immediately benefit on every level and your new picture, according to many sources, may help set in motion a positive outcome for your child. Most importantly, your positive picture increases your faith in your child's ability to succeed and THAT will have its own positive impact on both of you.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 10/23/2017 10:22 AM |
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Why you need to let your child do it herself.....
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When you do everything for a child, the child loses the opportunity to gain skills, competencies and confidence. Kids learn through doing and once they learn, they feel empowered - prepared to deal with their responsibilities and challenges. Don't do your child the "favor" of doing things for her that she's capable of learning to do herself. She's NOT going to thank you later on.
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 10/4/2017 9:12 AM |
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Do they like what they see?...
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Will your kids want to be like you? Ask them. There will be some things they want to copy and some they don't. Use their answer as the basis of discussion and/or use it for self-reflection.
Friends & Family can sign up at www.dailyparentingposts.com
Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 10/4/2017 9:11 AM |
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When you're dealing with Parenting Panic......
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Rage and panic happen in parenting moments - when you discover that a 5 yr old cut off all the toddler's beautiful hair, or when you discover that a child has lied to you and on any other number of occasions. At those moments, many parents respond instinctively: shouting, insulting, threatening or otherwise offering a strong, negative response. Unfortunately the intense negative attention can actually reinforce a behavior that you NEVER want to see again. It's better to close your mouth for the time being, and take time to design an effective intervention, applying it LATER at a calmer moment.
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 10/4/2017 9:09 AM |
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Here is a sure-fire cure for your bad yelling habit.....
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Here's a sure way to cure yourself of a bad yelling habit: ask a family member to please video you the next time you yell at anyone in the family. Then, watch this video a few times. Yes, you really DO look and sound like that when you yell. However that picture looks to you, you can be sure it looks even worse to the person you were yelling at. Keep the image in mind to help you stay your best self even when you have to correct a loved one.
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Posted 9/29/2017 1:23 AM |
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How to get your kids to be more kind and thoughtful.....
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You praise your kids for listening. You praise them for their good grades. You thank them when they tidy up their toys and papers. All of your positive attention reinforces these desirable behaviors, causing them to happen more often. So how much attention do you regularly pay to kindness? Remember to comment when your child moves over to make space, shares something, offers to help, praises a sibling and so on. The more you see kindness, the more kindness you'll see!
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 9/29/2017 1:16 AM |
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Why you should tell your baby what's for dinner....
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Go ahead - tell your baby what you'll be doing today, what's on sale at the mall, where you're at in your latest project, who annoyed you this morning. Babies may not look like they're processing your words, but believe me, they ARE! Your chatter makes them smarter, better, more competent communicators. Just don't tell them where you hid the money.....
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Posted 9/29/2017 1:09 AM |
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Posted 9/24/2017 5:02 PM |
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Don't tell your child to stop doing what he's doing...
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Every behavioral pattern is wired into the brain. When you want to change your child's behavior, you must change the wiring. For example, suppose your 8 year old (or 18 year old) calls you names when he's upset. You tell him he's not allowed to speak to you that way. You haven't touched his wiring. The next time he's upset, those same wires will run their program of verbal abuse. You need to have him DO the correct behavior - think of this as laying down one new pattern of wires. Then PRAISE him for doing the correct behavior. Think of this as adding 50 more "free" wires to this pattern. To accomplish this, wait until both you and he are calm. Then explain that he can't speak to you disrespectfully when he's mad. Then tell him what he IS ALLOWED to say when he is angry. Then ask him to say that. Then praise him for saying it. You're done for now; you've installed new wiring!
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 9/24/2017 5:00 PM |
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Your child will tell you what she thinks you want to hear....
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Your child may tell you about something she learned, something funny that happened, something she's excited about or something upsetting that occurred between her and her friends. Which one of these topics will get your most intense attention? That's the one you'll be hearing about more often because your extra attention says that's the one that's most important.
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 9/24/2017 4:53 PM |
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Help your spouse parent with less anger and more skill....
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Want to help your spouse use less anger and more skill in dealing with the kids? Start by using Emotional Coaching with your spouse. Show that you understand his or her feelings of helplessness, frustration and upset. "I know you can't tolerate her rudeness - and I don't blame you. Respect is a prime value for you and I agree with that principle too. No wonder you lose it when she speaks like that!" AFTER emotional coaching, go on to offer a new skill. "You know, I think that it's so important that you get your point across to her. The trouble is, she can't learn it while she's still in her upset, agitated state of mind. Can I make a suggestion here? I think waiting a bit until she calms down will allow you to really get through to her. Let her emotions settle and her brain start working again - and then speak to her slowly, heart to heart, to both SHOW her and TELL her what respect is and why it's so important for her to show it. She really needs to get this once and for all. Waiting those few minutes might make all the difference to how powerful you can be. What do you think?" By using great parenting skills on your spouse, you'll be both SHOWING and TELLING him or her what needs to be done.
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 9/24/2017 4:42 PM |
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The emotionally intelligent baby....
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| You can start "emotional coaching" with babies - even though they don't yet understand your words. They DO understand your affect and can feel your compassion. When you see your baby is sad or upset, don't hush him up or tell him everything is okay. Instead, name his feelings: "You're not happy right now, are you?" or "You're upset, aren't you?" Right from the beginning of life your baby has a parent who is understanding, accepting and connecting. What a great way to start his journey! |
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Posted 9/24/2017 4:37 PM |
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When your child is exposed to frightening events...
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When something scary or upsetting has happened and your child either witnessed it or knows about it, it's important to intervene. Don't wait for the child to come to you and don't assume that if she doesn't come, that she's okay. Instead, assume that if she's been exposed to something scary or upsetting, she is scared or upset! Show her that you are there for her at such times - there to turn to, there for support. "That was really scary/upsetting, wasn't it?" can be your opening remark. Whether she talks about it or not, you can talk about the way one normally feels in such situations. "No one feels comfortable when that happens. It can be confusing and disturbing." By naming common emotional reactions, you are helping to normalize and validate your youngster's feelings, thereby helping her to let them go. Your physical presence and willingness to talk about what happened is all she needs; don't encourage her to shut down her feelings by rushing to tell her that everything is alright. Instead, just let her know that you are there with her and you'll go through it together. See my book "The Fear Fix" for more strategies to help kids through stress.
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 9/14/2017 9:20 PM |
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Could you be rewarding the wrong behaviors?
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A toddler who tantrums is behaving perfectly normally for his age. His lack of sophisticated emotional and verbal regulation skills is to be expected. However, a school-age child doing the same thing, is a different story. Be careful not to reward dysregulated, manipulative and/or disturbed behavior in older children by changing your mind after it occurs, bribing or negotiating with the unhappy youngster, working hard to make him "happy," or otherwise offering comforts and benefits as a result of the dramatic and erratic behavior. Instead, wait quietly (and kindly) for the storm to pass and then teach this child the necessary emotional and verbal regulation skills. Give him an opportunity to practice those skills and THEN reward him with your full attention and a pleasing response.
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 9/13/2017 11:24 PM |
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The magic of positive words....
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If there is a positive word you can use, use it! For instance, it is far better to say "You're right!" than to say "You're not wrong." It's better to say "Please be on time" than to say "Please don't be late." Try "Please keep it clean" rather than "Don't make a mess." "I prefer to do xyz" works better than "I don't want to do abc." Every positive word heals both the speaker and the listener, increases cooperation and improves relationships. Use these words to give your kids a head start in their own communication skills.
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 9/13/2017 10:58 PM |
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Point your child in the right direction...
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Your job isn't to ensure that your child becomes an adult who can (fill in the blank: wake himself up every morning/brush his teeth twice a day/make a good living/have a good marriage/control his temper/practice his religion, etc, etc..). After all, you have no control whatsoever over what your child will or will not do in adulthood. Your job is simply to TEACH him these things: to expose him to your own healthy model and offer him the information, encouragement, incentives and consequences that will HELP him internalize the lessons you want to convey. Do what you can do and pray. Your child is responsible for making himself into the adult that he will become. You are only responsible for gently pointing him in the right direction.
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Copyright © 2017 Sarah Chana Radcliffe,
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Posted 9/13/2017 10:56 PM |
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Important Numbers
