Q. I understand that an Avel observing Aveilus for a parent does not visit friends during the year, such as going away to friends and relatives for Shabbos.
One of my secular cousins lost a parent. May I invite him and his family for Shabbos with Kiruv in mind, since in any case he will not be observing the finer points of Hilchos Aveilus anyway. On the other hand, I would not want to engage in Kiruv using a technique that is presently halacha-proscribed, as I would be helping him transgress and as I would be bringing him close to a watered-down Judaism.
A. Remah (Y.D. 390, 2) writes that our tradition is for an Ovel not to partake in any kind of feast outside of his home during the period of mourning. However many Poiskim rule that this does not apply to a regular Shabbos meal. (Sheilas Yavetz 2, 180 in regards to a Sholom Zochor - Gesher Hachaim p. 233 - Kol Bo p. 361). Some Poiskim are more stringent. (Piskey Teshuvo Y.D. 390, 2 . See Igrois Moishe Y.D. 3, 161 who permits attending a Sholom Zochor of a relative or friend).
Horav Shlomo Miller's opinion is that it is permitted to invite an Ovel during the year of mourning especially for kiruv purposes. He added that you may also consider the possibility that there may not be an obligation of avelus at all if the deceased was not Torah observant.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit"a
Important Numbers
