Q. Investigating a potential match for a young lady, We came across information on a website saying the man had allegedly molested several boys in the past. When the shidduch suddenly came to a halt, it was discovered that the shadchan was aware of the information all along. The shadchan had decided to make a unilateral decision after speaking to the accused man in question on several occasions and decided his innocence. The shadchan has stated that there are two others that she intends to broach the shidduch to and does not feel the need to disclose this information as she contends the man was wrongly accused and the girl should ask forgiveness from the potential match because of her refusal to meet with him.
We are horrified and feel this is a breach of lo samod al dam reyecha and the young woman was traumatized by the whole incident particularly because the shadchan broached the shidduch knowing this information.
Halachically, what should be done to stop the shadchan from continuing to set-up unsuspecting young women with this alleged perpetrator?
What is the obligation and extent that this information should be made known to others?
A. Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit"a opinion in regard to this and similar shiduchin questions is that great care should be taken by a Shadchen, organization or anyone involved in matchmaking or marriage counselling, not to accept allegations as an established truth. Often the reputation of a person is irreversibly destroyed by unproven assertions of misconduct, that end up as either totally or at least partially false. Half truths often snowball into perceived terrible mistaken "realities".
However, he maintains that if indeed there are serious concerns, albeit yet unproven in Bais Din or challenged in court, the shadchen is obligated to bring the information available to the attention of the party involved by the second date. Again, care should be taken to indicate that they are only allegations and yet unproven charges.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit"a
Important Numbers
