Rav Matisyahu Salomon, Shlita, recently related that, after hearing so many
different kinds of stories in his capacity as a Mashgiach, he thought he
was shock-proof no matter how any new story went. However, he recently
received a call for help with the following story--and was shocked.
A
man in his late 40s called about problems he had been having with his
13 year old son. The boy had developed a paranoia, constantly crying,
feeling that he was being persecuted, and that the whole world was out to get
him. The boys life was extremely unhappy and unsettled and nothing seemed
to help. He was a bundle of paranoia. The boys father was beside himself,
and did his own Cheshbon HaNefesh--why was this happening to him, his son
and his family?
Suddenly, the father remembered something from his
youth--30 years earlier. He was an 11 year old child in an out-of-town day
school. He, together with a couple of other boys in the class, decided to
pick on one of the nebby girls in the class, and they were able to convince
the whole class of students to at a certain point during English class, turn
around and stare at the nebby girl. The time came, they all turned around
and stared, burst out laughing, and the girl broke down in
tears.
Having recalled this incident, the father decided that perhaps,
although it was 30 years later, he should apologize to the girl for what he
had done so many years ago. He tried locating her, but could not find her.
He did locate a relative of hers, who explained why she could not be found.
In fact, she had committed suicide 20 years before, because for many years
she was paranoid that people were constantly looking at her, and could bear
it no longer.
The father of the boy called HaRav Salomon to find out
what he could do--what Teshuva he could do, as he was guilt-ridden, and,
moreover, he felt his son was suffering as a result.
HaRav Matisyahu
points out that there are very many lessons to be learned from this
heartbreaking story, and advises us to think about these lessons on our own.
He pointed out a few in passing, such as:
-One should think back over his
actions of even many years ago, even while he was a minor, and do Teshuva for
them
-The Torah prohibition against hurting another
person--Lo Sonu--applies even to children
-What we do not only affects
our generation, but affects other generations, as well.
However, the
main lesson, HaRav Salomon believes, is that we do not realize how
far-reaching are the consequences of inappropriate behavior Bein
Odom LChaveiro--between man and his fellow man. Somehow, we associate
the Churban Bais HaMikdash, and the failure of the Mashiach to come, with
our inadequacies in our direct relationship with Hashem. However, at the end
of the day, HaRav Salomon points out, it was Sinas
Chinam--needless ill-will--that caused and continues to maintain, our current
state of galus and churban-exile and destruction.
This teaching, the
Mashgiach demonstrates, is made in this weeks Parsha, when Leah calls her
first-born son Reuven. Rashi there explains that Leah, by this name, meant
to indicate how one Jew is supposed to act to his brother. See, Leah said,
the difference between Eisav who wanted to kill his brother even though Esav
had actually sold him the birthright, and my firstborn son Reuven, who
actually saved Yosef from the deadly pit, even though Yosef would take away
his primogenitor (through the tribes of Ephraim and Menasha) in his
place.
What must distinguish each and every one of us is an ability to
excel in care and concern for others--even in the face of hurt and harm that
those very people may have caused you. To forgive, forgo and forget is,
in actuality, HaRav Salomon teaches, the essence of being a Jew.
One
final note: We suggest that if the effect of a downgrading remark or act can
be as devastating as described in this true story, imagine what the effect of
a compliment or uplifting remark or act could be! You may not only be
changing the persons day--or even the persons life. Indeed, that simple
one-time kindness to another could very well touch the next generation(s) 20
and 30 years later and beyond.
The choice is ours--do we turn around and
stare--or turn around and smile? Let us do our utmost not to follow the path
of Eisav. Instead, let us follow the path of Reuven--of whom Leah was so
proud!
-------------------------- Hakhel
MIS --------------------------
Important Numbers
