The Torah tells us at the end of Parshas
Pinchos, that Bnei Yisroel brought thirteen cows as
sacrifices on the first day of Sukkos, and day by day
as the Yom Tov progressed, the number of cows steadily
decreased. On the second day, only twelve cows were
offered on the mizbeiach and so on, until the last day
when only seven cows were brought as karbonos. Rashi
quotes a Medrash to explain this practice. The Medrash
writes that the Torah is teaching us the proper
procedure (derech eretz) for hosting a guest. Just as
the sacrifices decreased in number day after day, so
too says the Torah, there should be a steady decrease
in the type of food offered to one’s guest. The first
day he should feed his guest fattened fowl, the
following day he should feed him fish, thereafter
meat, then legumes and after that vegetables.
Rav Wolbe asks (Shiurei Chumash Parshas
Pinchos) that this does not seem to be the proper way
to act at all. At this rate, in another few days he
won’t feed his guest anything! He answers with an
explanation offered by his father-in-law, Rav Avrohom
Grodzhinski zt"l: When Chazal tell us that the Torah
is teaching us the proper procedure of hosting a
guest, this means the way one should conduct himself
so that his guest feels completely at home. The first
few days the guest is served lavish meals in the
dining room on the table reserved for Shabbos.
Afterwards he is cajoled into joining the family in
the kitchen and eating the same food as the rest of
the members in the house. This is the derech eretz to
which the Medrash was referring; slowly but surely
decreasing the difference between the guest and the
host, until the guest feels at home and even part of
the family.
Rav Wolbe writes (Alei Shur vol. II pg.
204), that often other areas of chesed also require
some level of tact to ensure that the beneficiary is
left with a good feeling. He relates how there was a
man in dire straits but nevertheless was embarrassed
to accept a monetary donation or loan. A good friend
devised a plan to help him out. While in the company
of his needy friend, he acted nervous and uneasy. The
needy friend inquired as to the reason behind his
distress, and he explained that an elderly man whom he
used to visit often, had passed away and entrusted him
with a large amount of money to distribute to those in
need. He added that he is nervous to carry so much
money around with him, and he doesn’t know where to
start with its distribution. The needy individual
smiled broadly and told him that he would put his
worries to rest, for just now he was tight on money
and he could use the amount of money his good friend
was carrying. The latter handed over the money and the
needy man felt that he was doing his friend a real
favor!
Whether one is hosting a total stranger
or helping out a good friend, the aim of the chesed is
the same: Helping out a fellow Jew in a way that will
make him feel comfortable and completely at ease.
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Important Numbers
