Q. My family is noheg that we wash netilas yadayim before Kiddush on Shabbos. When we have guests (both Ashkenazi and Sfardi) should they wash before like us, or after? The Mishna Brurah (siman 271 s"k 58) says even the Shulchan Aruch who holds its better to wash after Kiddush still agrees that the chumrah is only for the one making Kiddush, but those listening to Kiddush can wash before Kiddush according to all opinions. However the Kaf Hachaim (271 s"k 76) disagrees. But in halacha there seems to be room to always follow the baal habayis even when his minhag is different than the guests. So should we tell everyone to follow the "minhag hamakom" or not?
A. The Talmud (Brochos 16a) mentions in the name of Rav Shimon Bar Yochai that the host breaks bread and the guest says grace. The host breaks bread so that he should do so generously.
Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit'a opinion is that a sign of generosity and having a pleasant eye is to let the guest do as they are accustomed to do.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit”a
Q. Thank you. If I understand the psak of the Rav Shlit"a, they should be allowed to follow their own minhag. Are they allowed to follow my minhag or must they davka wash after as per their own minhag?
thank you
A. Retzono Shel Adam Hu Kevodo. Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit'a opinion is that the guest may be granted permission to do as they please.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit”a
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