In two different places in this week’s parsha, Rashi points out the importance of having good friends and neighbors. The Torah tells us that the Levi’im from the family of Kehos encamped on the southern side of the Mishkan. Rashi comments, "Woe unto the wicked one and woe unto his neighbor." Because the tribe of Reuven also encamped on the southern side in close proximity to Kehos, they suffered along with them. Korach, a Levi from the tribe of Kehos, drew Dasan, Avirom and two hundred and fifty others from the tribe of Reuven into his quarrel with Moshe, and they all perished as a result.

            In contrast, Rashi notes that good neighbors have a positive impact. Moshe and Aharon and his children encamped on the eastern side of the Mishkan and the tribes of Yissocher and Zevulun, who also encamped on the eastern side, only benefited from their closeness to their great neighbors. Moshe toiled in Torah and his neighbors became great Torah scholars.

            Rav Wolbe (Alei Shur vol. I pg. 32) gleans from the Rambam how to choose proper friends. The Gemara states, "He who does not study Tanach nor mishna nor is he ’bederech eretz’, is not part of society" (Kiddushin 40). The Rambam defines "bederech eretz" as being associated with "a group of good people who possess pleasantness and mussar." The Rambam specifies two conditions needed to create good camaraderie; pleasantness and mussar.

The Mishna tells us that a man must say three things in his house in preparation for Shabbos: "Did you take off the tithes? Did you prepare the eiruv? Light the candles!" The Gemara comments that they must be said in a pleasant tone so that one’s family members will accept what he has instructed them. Things said in a joking manner or in a state of anger will not be accepted, and will not create a bond of good friends.

However, this alone is not enough to ensure solid friendships. All emotional obstacles in relationships with friends stem from egotistical feelings. The desire to stand out or take control, offering unhelpful criticism and feelings of suspicion are all expressions of egoism that are abhorred in a friendship. One has to fight these negative thoughts and feelings in order to create and maintain a "good group." This is the "mussar" to which the Rambam was referring. Moreover, someone who has the merit to study in a place of Torah must take extra precautions when it comes to interaction with friends. The Gemara tells us that Rebbi Akiva had twenty four thousand disciples and they all passed away between Pesach and Shavuos because they did not honor each other properly.

One who is not particular in choosing friends and neighbors might very well suffer the consequences, while one who is careful only stands to gain!

This dvar Torah was compiled by the family of the Mashgiach Harav Shlomo ben R’ Moshe z"l, l’iluy nishmaso

Bais Hamussar