Q. I have a friend whose husband tragically died very young and she was left totally devastated. They didn't have any children but were in IVF treatment when he suddenly passed away.
She wants to know if it is proper or even recommended to continue with the treatment and have a child of his after he died. This would be of tremendous emotional help for her.
A. There are differing opinions as whether in general it is advisable or even permitted for a single woman to conceive. Some are lenient (S'ridei Eish 3:5), others oppose it vehemently (Tzitz Eliezer 9: 51: Shaar 4: 2, Minchas Shlomo 3: p.25, Nishmas Avrohom E.H. 4: 1: 3, also quoting R. S.Z. Auerbach zt"l). One objection is that the mother and child may become the targets of slander, because even a moral, chaste single woman can be accused of promiscuity when she becomes pregnant. Adding that one has a responsibility to avoid even the appearance of scandal, as it says (Proverbs 4:24): "Remove from yourself an untrue mouth, and distance yourself from crooked lips." It also brakes down established moral barriers permitting for others deeds of licentiousness that could be hidden under the cloak of a permitted act. Other concerns deal with incest, since the donor may be unknown, the child may have siblings whose existence, he or she, does not know and may end up marrying them.
Some contemporary authorities address your particular shaileh. B'mareh Habazak (published by Eretz Hemdah v 4: p. 209) writes that although we do not find a formal prohibition for a widow to not conceive her late husband's child after his death, it is certainly not recommended, as he will grow without the framework of a family and with possibly severe psychological shortfalls created by his singular birth experience. There are also concerns whether the late husband may or may not be agreeable with what is done with his surviving sperm.
A similar position is to be found in the Assia Journal (v. 20: 77-78: p.114) by Rabbi Dr. Mordechai Halperin. He responds to a case of an unmarried young man who had to undergo prolonged cancer irradiation treatment. He obtained a heter to save some undamaged semen before the treatment so it could be used after he gets married. Tragically he did not survive, but his parents found a friend of his willing to surrogate and give them a greatly desired grandchild.
In a related article he also deals with a widow who wishes to have post-mortem sperm retrieval performed on her deceased husband body to be used for her conception. He quotes a teshuva from Horav Z. N. Goldberg Shlit"a (published in Assia 65-66 (1999): 45-49) that in certain instances it may be permitted.
However, they all recommend that in similar everlasting life changing decisions, to wait at least for a period of a year to go by, since emotions do change with time and other opportunities may present themselves.
Horav Yitzcok Berkovits Shlit"a ruled stringently on this matter, adding that there is no mitzvah to create yisomim (orphans) on this world (quoted by Rav Dovid Bartfeld, Director, Torat Hamishpacha).
Horav Shlomo Miller's Shlit"a opinion is similar, he added that counseling the widow to start a new life may in the end be the far better choice.
Rabbi A. Bartfeld as revised by Horav Shlomo Miller Shlit"a
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