SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Negative Commandments 5-6
Generally, a person who speaks loshon hora does so from a somewhat smug and haughty perspective. Such a person, says the Chofetz Chaim, shows himself to be conceited, because by speaking as he does, he apparently sees himself as faultless. If he were truly aware of his faults, he would be reluctant to speak badly of others, for perhaps his own faults are greater.
The Chofetz Chaim tells us that one who speaks loshon hora in a conceited way violates the commandment “Be careful lest you forget Hashem your G-d (Devarim 8:11)”, which prohibits us from acting arrogantly. Arrogance has particularly severe consequences because it is singled out as a trait which Hashem especially disdains. The Chofetz Chaim adds that if the speaker of loshon hora raises his own stature in people’s eyes by degrading his victim his offense is even more severe.
The Chofetz Chaim identifies another sin that one commits when speaking loshon hora. Although
transgressing any Torah prohibition is serious, this transgression goes to the heart of a Jew’s purpose in this world, which is to serve Hashem and bring the rest of the world to recognize Hashem’s greatness. The Torah warns us You shall not desecrate My Holy Name (Vayikra 22:32). At all times a Jew must be on guard that his words or behavior not constitute a chillul Hashem (desecration of Hashem’s Name).
How is loshon hora a chillul Hashem?
The Chofetz Chaim explains that when a person speaks loshon hora, it is not because he is lured by some physical enjoyment. Rather than succumbing to earthly temptation, he is merely casting off the restraints of Hashem’s Torah. It is as if he is making a statement: “I understand that Hashem commanded me to refrain from loshon hora, but according to my own priorities, it is just not that important.”
Here is a mortal human being asserting his own priorities over those of the Master of the Universe. He basks in his own glory when he should be humbling himself. He desecrates Hashem’s name when he should be sanctifying it. It is crystal clear then that when a person follows this path, he negates his mission as a Jew in this world.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Negative Commandments 7-9
One of the worst negative character traits is graphically called “two-facedness.” It means, quite literally, to act with two “faces” — outwardly smiling, inwardly hateful.
Unfortunately, this trait can be hard to avoid in real life, because we sometimes find ourselves feeling hatred towards someone but unable to express it directly. For example, if you harbor hatred toward your boss, you would probably have to restrain yourself from expressing those feelings to him.
The Torah, however, makes no allowance for two-facedness. It conveys to us that acting friendly in someone’s presence while feeling hatred in one’s heart can lead to disasters in human relations. The Torah therefore states: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart (Vayikra 19:17)”, which is transgressed whenever we harbor inner hatred toward our fellow.
The Chofetz Chaim teaches us that this prohibition applies in a very direct way to the laws of loshon hora. If we speak loshon hora about someone, we transgress the law of “Do not go as a peddler of gossip (Vayikra 19:16)”. If we act friendly to that person in a two-faced fashion, we incur the additional sin of harboring hatred in our hearts.
There are times, however, when one may have serious problems with his boss or teacher and is not in a position to discuss this with him, yet needs to discuss the problem with someone. For this case, the Chofetz Chaim teaches us about the laws of toeles, speaking negatively for a constructive purpose. When the proper conditions are met (which we will learn about later in this volume), it is permissible for someone to unburden himself to relieve his emotional pain. When this is done within Torah guidelines, it often results in a healthy solution rather than the backbiting and bitterness that is generated by two-facedness.
The Chofetz Chaim adds that we only worsen the transgression if, after speaking loshon hora we add, “But do not tell him you heard it from me!” This sort of comment makes the matter more secretive and goes to the heart of the sin of harboring hatred towards a fellow.
Two other Torah prohibitions relevant to the laws of loshon hora are those against bearing a grudge and seeking revenge. The Chofetz Chaim states that if we hate a person because he refused to do a favor for us, and later we publicize a wrong which he committed, we have violated these prohibitions, as well as peddling gossip. The above example is, of course, just one possible instance of revenge in the form of loshon hora. Obviously, this rule applies to any situation in which revenge might be the motive for discussing another person’s wrongdoing.
As mentioned earlier, loshon hora is rarely comprised of objective statements. When we hear others speaking loshon hora, we should be aware that such talk is often fueled by anger and a desire for revenge. The speaker feels “I was wronged,” and he is angry to the point that he cannot detect his own lack of objectivity. When hearing loshon hora, it would be a helpful practice to always consider that we are probably not hearing a responsible, objective report of someone’s behavior. Rather, we are hearing the inner rantings of someone’s anger spilling out into words.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Negative Commandments 10-11
The Torah tells us that a minimum of two witnesses is needed for testimony in beis din (rabbinical court). If only one person came to beis din to testify against someone, the beis din would not be allowed to accept his testimony. In that case, the testimony would serve no constructive purpose and would be considered loshon hora. In addition, the witness would transgress the prohibition of “A single witness shall not stand up against any man for any wrongdoing” (Devarim 19:15).
The Chofetz Chaim lists yet another prohibition which we can explain as follows: When his life on this world ends, the average person will come before the Heavenly Court and justify all the loshon hora he spoke, with one simple claim — he was a victim of circumstance. He will say that he had no real interest in loshon hora, but all around him people were speaking it, so he really had no choice. In effect, he will say that society made him do it!
The Chofetz Chaim warns us, while we still can do something about it, that this is no defense. In fact, this claim is actually a further indictment, because places that are conducive to speaking loshon hora are off limit to a G-d fearing Jew, as the Torah states “Do not associate with the majority for evil” (Shemos 23:2).
The Chofetz Chaim teaches us a valuable lesson here, which applies to all aspects of life. People tend to gravitate to places which define their own station in life. They choose where they live, where they pray, who their friends are and what is important to them. Occasionally, a person is truly a victim of circumstance, but for the most part “the place” he makes for himself in this world bears his own unique signature. The Chofetz Chaim advises us, “Make it a good place.”
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Negative Commandments 12-13
A frequent result of speaking loshon hora and especially rechilus (gossip) is machlokes (dispute or controversy).
The president of a school is unhappy with the executive director’s efforts in an unsuccessful school function. He conveys his feelings to a board member who relates the conversation to the executive director. The executive director responds furiously: “He said that the event was a failure because of me? He is the one who never attended any meetings!”
The board member wastes no time in reporting this response to the president. The president sends the volleyball of blame over the net by saying, “I never came to the meetings because he never called me to confirm them!” The executive director then sends the ball back by saying that if the school would hire a secretary for him, then there would finally be someone who had the time to confirm appointments and meetings.
Before anyone realizes what is happening, the disagreement has snowballed into a full-scale machlokes, all because of one small sentence that should not have been repeated, and certainly not to the subject of the comment.
The Chofetz Chaim teaches that when someone speaks loshon hora or rechilus and it generates a machlokes, he is transgressing two negative commandments instead of one. In addition to the sin of loshon hora, he has transgressed the commandment: “that he should not be like Korach and his assembly” (Bamidbar 17:5) in which the Torah warns us to reject the ways of Korach, who stirred up a terrible rebellion against the leadership of Moshe Rabbeinu.
The Chofetz Chaim introduces us to another type of forbidden speech which many people are unaware is explicitly forbidden by the Torah— ona’as devarim (hurting people with words), verbal abuse. Only recently in social work and psychology has society come to recognize a fact which the Jewish people have known since the Torah was given: words can hurt — and they can hurt a lot; sometimes even more than physical abuse.
People tend to base their own self-image on the way they believe they are perceived by others. When you tell someone repeatedly that he is incompetent, you are actually reaching into his soul and imprinting the word “incompetent” on his self-image. That destructive process, the Torah tells us, is as prohibited as sitting down to a lavish meal of lobster and shrimp.
Ona’as devarim comes in various forms. The Chofetz Chaim discusses the case of a person who reminds someone of his unpleasant past. It is not that there are any particular elements of a person’s history that one may not mention. Any comment which may cause embarrassment or hurt someone’s feelings — it could be a past family problem, a demeaning job, a less than respectable lifestyle — is considered ona’as devarim and is prohibited by the verse “A man shall not cause hurt to his fellow” (Vayikra 25:17).
If the speaker said these hurtful words to others in the subject’s presence, then he has also transgressed the commandment against loshon hora. After all, what could be more damaging to a person’s self-image than to have his faults or weaknesses revealed to those who know him?
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Negative Commandments 14-15
The Chofetz Chaim now discusses a more severe level of ona’as devarim (verbal abuse). If one relates something negative to others while the subject is present, causing that person not only hurt but also humiliation, then he has transgressed the prohibition of “Do not bear a sin because of him”(Vayikra 19:17) which is the Torah prohibition against embarrassing someone. (With this commandment the Torah teaches that even rebuking someone should be done respectfully, so as not to cause the person embarrassment.)
If one embarrasses a person publicly he has to contend with the words of our Sages, “One who shames his friend in public does not have a portion in the World to Come” (Avos 3:11).
The Chofetz Chaim leads us through a loshon hora conversation, keeping count of all the commandments each participant transgresses.
Reuven tells Shimon, “Levi criticized you.” Reuven has now transgressed his first negative commandment “Do not go as a peddler of gossip among your people” (Vayikra 19:16), as well as several other related sins.
Shimon, who listened to Reuven and believes his report that Levi said something critical about him, has transgressed “Do not accept a false report” (Shemos 23:1), which is the prohibition against accepting loshon hora. When Shimon now meets Levi, the person who allegedly criticized him, he begins to harangue and humiliate him. Shimon has now transgressed “A man shall not cause hurt to his fellow” (Vayikra 25:17) which pertains to verbal abuse.
Levi is shocked at the abuse he is receiving and demands an explanation. Shimon responds angrily, “Why did you say those terrible things about me to Reuven? Did you think I wasn’t going to find out?” Shimon has now committed a third transgression that of relating gossip. By repeating what Levi allegedly said to Reuven, Shimon has set Levi against Reuven.
Levi has a defense. “It never happened,” he claims. “I never said anything about you to Reuven.” Now Shimon is furious at Reuven. When Shimon meets Reuven he says, “How could you lead me to attack Levi when he said he never even said those words?” Reuven wants to prove himself correct so he says to Shimon, “Oh, so he denies the whole thing? Come and I’ll repeat what he said in his presence!”
Shimon and Reuven find Levi; Shimon says to Reuven, “Tell me again what Levi said about me.” Reuven proceeds to recount the story once again, transgressing the commandment against peddling gossip. This applies to every instance of rechilus (gossip) even if the person knows the information. In addition, he has violated the command against embarrassing people by embarrassing Levi. Levi responds by saying, “It is true, I did say something about you, Shimon, but I did not say it the way Reuven reported it. I did not use that tone and he totally distorted my point.”
Shimon says to Levi, “Do you really think I’m going to believe you, now that Reuven had the courage to repeat your words in front of you?” These words become Shimon’s fourth sin “Do not accept a false report.” When we tally up the sins, we see that Reuven has transgressed three negative Torah commandments while Shimon has violated four.
The Chofetz Chaim asks, “How could we have ended this story differently?” Even after much of the damage was done, there was still much that could have been salvaged. When Levi defended himself and said, “Yes, I did say something, but I did not mean it the way Reuven reported it,” Reuven could have said, “Oh, I see what you mean. I must have misunderstood you.” This would have concluded the story on a peaceful note, averting the last few transgressions.
If we examine our own lives, we find that this scenario, in one form or another, is extremely common. The Chofetz Chaim advises us to be quick to acknowledge that we misunderstood someone’s alleged harsh words about another. In this way, we will save ourselves and our acquaintances from many disputes and sins.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Negative Commandments 16-17
The Chofetz Chaim confronts us with a classic scenario in office politics: A few employees are speaking with the boss and someone mentions a person whom the boss is known to dislike, either for personal or business reasons. One of the employees, wanting to win the boss’ favor, levels a barrage of criticism against this person.
The Chofetz Chaim sees this as a particularly dangerous strain of loshon hora, because it derives from flattery, which the Torah specifically prohibits when the person being flattered is committing a wrongdoing.
Instead of fueling the fire, says the Chofetz Chaim, the employee should have tried to make peace between the two antagonists. He should have reminded the boss of one of the good points of his adversary. Instead, the employee deepened the boss’ hatred toward that individual.
The Chofetz Chaim writes that flattery is very often the source of loshon hora. It is the dynamic at work when people are engaged in a negative conversation and one nods agreement to the loshon hora spoken or adds some negative thoughts of his own. He is condoning the loshon hora and adding to it, to feel included and win approval of the group.
All this stems from the basic weakness of the need to flatter, and which according to a number of Rishonim (Early Commentators) is prohibited by the verse “You shall not bring guilt [lit. Flatter] upon the land” (Bamidbar 35:33).
In a case where a person is sitting among a group and hears loshon hora, he is required:
• To come to the defense of the accused and to attempt to convince the people to stop their evil talk.
• At the very least, to refrain from increasing the loshon hora through words or facial expressions which indicate approval of what was said.
The Chofetz Chaim states that if the listener merely refrains from offering a defense, he is guilty of an element of flattery, because the motivation in refraining is to avoid saying something that would cause him to lose favor with his friends.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Positive Commandments 1-2
When trying to impress a class of students about the evils of loshon hora, the average teacher would probably use examples of serious cases in which a person’s reputation or livelihood was destroyed, or perhaps of a shidduch (marriage match) which was unnecessarily broken. After all, these are real-life illustrations which clearly demonstrate the danger of loshon hora.
The Torah, however, does the opposite. In teaching us the evils of loshon hora, the Torah relates an incident which is so mild that it has barely a tinge of loshon hora. It is the case of Miriam, who spoke to Aharon about their brother, Moshe (see Bamidbar ch.12). Miriam was punished with tzara’as (a skin disease induced by spiritual impurity), sent out of the camp of the Jews to live in isolation, and the entire Jewish nation, well over a million people, were forced to wait for her to be cured before they could resume their travels.
The Torah commands us to remember the story of Miriam to remind us of the evils of loshon hora, as it is written “Remember that which Hashem, your God, did to Miriam on the way when you were leaving Egypt” (Devarim 24:9).
The Chofetz Chaim points out how mild this case of loshon hora was. Miriam spoke about her brother, whom she loved and for whom she had risked her own life. She did not say something derogatory about him; all she did was mistakenly equate Moshe with other prophets. Moreover, her words were not said in Moshe’s presence or in public. And we know that Moshe wasn’t hurt by her words and that there was no negative fallout. The Chofetz Chaim explains that this is precisely why the Torah uses this incident to teach us the evils of loshon hora. Despite all these factors and Miriam’s great personal merit, she was still punished.
How much more culpable are people who speak loshon hora that does hurt people and does cause damage! When a person speaks loshon hora, he transgresses this commandment of remembering the lesson of Miriam.
The Chofetz Chaim further states that when one speaks loshon hora, he also violates the commandment of “And you shall love your fellow as yourself” (Vayikra 19:18). It is obvious that if you speak loshon hora about someone: A. You do not love him, and B. You are not treating him as you would yourself. The proof to this, says the Chofetz Chaim, is that most people are well aware of their own faults, yet they are very intent on concealing them from others. Even if someone were to discover one of our faults, and would tell some of our friends about it, we would hope that they would not believe him.
This is because we really love ourselves, and we do not want others to view us in a negative way. The Chofetz Chaim says that this attitude is precisely what the Torah wants us to apply to our fellow man. Just as we would be horrified to overhear our peers reviewing our faults, we should be equally horrified to participate in a similar conversation about someone else. And just as we are so caring and protective of our own egos, so must we be equally caring and protective of the pride of others.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Positive Commandments 3-4
If we were to search for the first spark of loshon hora as it begins to develop in a person’s mind, we would find it in the part of the brain that makes judgments. Every day, many times a day, each of us observes other people’s actions, and we can choose to judge those actions positively or negatively. For many people, the first response is to judge negatively. The Chofetz Chaim tells us that when loshon hora results from negative judgment, it is a violation of the commandment to judge people favorably (Vayikra 19:15). Even if the person is a beinoni (an average individual, someone who is neither righteous nor wicked) and certainly if he is known as a G-d-fearing individual, we are obligated by the Torah to judge his actions and words in a positive way.
The Chofetz Chaim explains that judging favorably does not mean being naive. In fact, it means thinking on a more sophisticated level. In most cases, when we gather the facts and look beneath the surface, many of our negative impressions of other people’s behavior stem from misunderstandings or misjudgments. If we do judge negatively, and this judgment emerges in the words we speak, we have transformed the negative judgment into loshon hora.
Sometimes loshon hora results in economic damage. It can cause employees not to be hired, loans not to be issued and stores not to be patronized. If someone tells me that a certain clothing store is overpriced, it is almost certain that I will not shop there. A seemingly harmless remark has caused real financial harm to that storekeeper.
Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule. There are times when it is allowed, and even mandatory, to warn others about possible economic harm. These will be discussed in the section on toeles (negative statements that serve a constructive purpose) later in this volume.
When economic damage is the outcome of loshon hora, the commandment of “And your brother shall live with you” (Vayikra 25:36) has also been violated. This commandment instructs us to help our fellow Jew by finding him employment, doing business with him or loaning him money. The Torah’s intent, the Chofetz Chaim tells us, is to strengthen our fellow Jew’s situation so that he does not fall into difficult economic straits. To hurt someone’s financial standing through loshon hora is to violate this mitzvah.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Positive Commandments 5-6
Imagine meeting a friend of yours as he exits a restaurant that was once kosher but was recently taken over by non-Jews and is no longer kosher. Your friend was not aware of this information and is holding a sizzling hot frank in his hand, which he is about to bite into. You feel a bit uncomfortable depriving him of this earthly pleasure, so you decide to hold off and let him take one bite. Once he has savored that first bite, you ask yourself: ”How can I limit him to one measly bite?” And once he has had a few bites, you tell yourself: ”Why not let him have the few more bites it will take to finish the frank?” Finally, when the last bite is finished, you tell your friend that he has just eaten a non-kosher frank.
Of course, this is an outrageous story. It seems like something that could never happen. The Chofetz Chaim informs us that, surprisingly, something quite similar is liable to happen every day. If we allow someone to continue a conversation of loshon hora, it is as if we are allowing him to eat non-kosher food. And informing him after the conversation that he has spoken loshon hora does not absolve us of guilt. Just as each bite of non-kosher food is a separate violation of a negative commandment, so too is each and every word of loshon hora a transgression for itself. The Chofetz Chaim says that to refrain from rebuking someone who speaks loshon hora is a violation of the commandment to rebuke one’s fellow Jew (Vayikra 19:17). On the other hand, offering rebuke, especially when it is an uncomfortable task, is considered a great mitzvah.
The Chofetz Chaim details for us another positive commandment. Observant Jews are especially aware of the influence of one’s environment. A person who spends time with people who are immersed in Torah learning and serving the community adopts their standards, which become the benchmark of his aspirations. Their goals become his goals and their dreams, to a certain extent, become his dreams. It is so important to have positive influences in our lives that Hashem made it a positive commandment to associate with Torah scholars. The Torah states, “To Him shall you cleave” (Devarim 10:20), which our Sages interpret to mean that one should associate with those who are immersed in Torah and devoted to its fulfillment.
The Chofetz Chaim teaches us that if we gravitate to groups in shul (synagogue) who engage in loshon hora, we set up a major obstacle towards fulfilling this commandment. The Chofetz Chaim specifically focuses on loshon hora spoken in shul after Shalosh Seudos (the third Sabbath meal) because it is then that Torah scholars are engrossed in their learning and leitzim (scoffers) are engrossed in their loshon hora. We should be extremely careful with whom we associate because this will have a major impact on our lives.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Positive Commandments 7-8
After the Destruction of the Beis Hamikdash (Temple), Hashem gave us a vital gift which would enable us to survive this long and bitter exile. He allowed the Shechinah (Divine Presence) to manifest itself to some degree in the beis haknesses (shul or synagogue) and beis hamidrash (study hall). To this day, the beis haknesses and the beis hamidrash remain places where a Jew can connect with his Creator in a very profound way.
Against this backdrop, says the Chofetz Chaim, one can recognize the full gravity of speaking loshon hora in shul. From the words “and My Holy Place you should fear ”(Vayikra 19:30) we learn that a Jew must treat his shul with dignity and only tread in it for holy pursuits. This commandment prohibits all forms of mundane conversation in shul. How much more so does this prohibition apply to loshon hora or rechilus, which indicate a complete lack of fear of Hashem, Whose presence is especially manifest in such holy places.
The Chofetz Chaim states that the hidden message which a person communicates when he speaks loshon hora in shul, God forbid, is that he does not really believe that Hashem resides there. Only with such an attitude could a person feel free to disobey Hashem’s rules in His own house. The Zohar says that the sin of ignoring Hashem in His house has grave spiritual repercussions in the upper worlds.
The Chofetz Chaim writes, “Since we are discussing the sin of speaking loshon hora in shul, I must tell you of the great misfortune that this causes.”
A person wants to tell his neighbor in shul a story about something that happened to him, and he finds a most convenient time for this: immediately before the reading of the Torah. But when the congregation is ready to begin reading the Torah portion, the storyteller is still not finished. Now the yetzer hora (evil inclination) whispers in this person’s ear, “This is a great story. You’ve got to finish it.” So the storyteller and his eager listener continue their conversation throughout the reading of the Torah. In doing so, they not only transgress a long list of prohibitions, but they also commit the overriding sin of creating a public chillul Hashem (desecration of Hashem’s Name) as they flagrantly ignore Hashem’s Presence in His house and at the same time cause disgrace to the Torah.
The Chofetz Chaim tallies what this “important story” is going to bring these two people on the Heavenly scales of judgment.
They have spoken and listened to loshon hora, which almost always includes many prohibitions.
They have violated, “And you shall not defame My Holy Name” (Vayikra 22:32), a sin which is compounded by the fact that it was committed in the presence of ten or more Jews.
They have disregarded the Torah reading, and it is written, “And those who forsake Hashem will perish” (Yeshayah 1:28).
They have engaged in devarim beteilim (meaningless conversation) in shul.
“Woe to the speaker and the listener!” writes the Chofetz Chaim. He quotes the Vilna Gaon who states that it is impossible to comprehend the Heavenly punishment which such conversation can bring upon the participants.
The Chofetz Chaim adds another thought regarding those who speak during the reading of the Torah. The Torah reading concludes with Kaddish and it is highly unlikely that they will stop their conversation to answer to this all-important prayer. This is an incalculable loss. Our Sages, of blessed memory, have taught us the awesome power of answering Amein Yehei Shemei Rabba (“Amen, May His Great Name be blessed”). By answering with proper concentration and intent, one can cause severe Heavenly decrees to be broken. Several times each day, when Kaddish is recited, Hashem gives us the priceless opportunity to earn tremendous merit with just a few seconds of effort.
Imagine if someone offered you a check for one million dollars, with the only requirement being that you exert the miniscule effort of lifting the check off the table and putting it in your pocket. The reward for answering “Amein, Yehei Shemi Rabba” is much more than that, yet the storytellers are oblivious to this, essentially leaving millions of dollars sitting on the table, untouched.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Positive Commandments 9-10
In this segment, the Chofetz Chaim adds another dimension to the issue of loshon hora, focusing on additional sins that can be transgressed when loshon hora is spoken about certain types of people.
For instance, if someone were to speak loshon hora about an elderly person, he would be violating the mitzvah of “In the presence of the elderly you shall rise [and you shall beautify … see Kiddushin 31b] “ (Vayikra 19:32), which teaches us to treat our elders with respect and honor. Certainly, says the Chofetz Chaim, loshon hora demonstrates a lack of respect. If the subject of loshon hora is a Torah scholar one violates the commandment to honor a talmid chacham, and may, in certain circumstances, be guilty of actual heresy. If the victim of loshon hora is a Kohen then the positive commandment of “V’Kidashto“ (Vayikra 21:8), which teaches us to treat Kohanim with added respect, has also been transgressed.
We know that, often, people act toward those outside their family circle with more respect than they show toward the members of their own family. Many Torah sources stress that the true barometer of a person’s behavior is not how he treats people when the world is watching, but how he treats his family in the privacy of his home. Unfortunately, in some homes, ridicule plays a big part in family interaction. Sometimes, God forbid, a parent is the victim of these barbs, especially when the children are married and their parents are not present to hear their comments. The yetzer hara (evil inclination) has a very effective method for opening the door to this type of loshon hora. He says, “Maybe you can refrain from speaking loshon hora outside the home, but the boundaries of shmiras haloshon (guarding one’s speech) stop at your front door. Within the family, people are close and contact is constant, and shmiras haloshon is all but impossible.”
The Chofetz Chaim teaches that speaking negatively of an older sibling, a step-parent or, God forbid, a father or mother, is not only loshon hora, it is a violation of the commandment “Honor your father and mother (Shemos 20:12)”. There is also a curse applied to children who show parents disrespect: “Cursed is he who degrades his father or mother” (Devarim 27:16).
One of the primary reasons Hashem created the family unit was so that it could be a workshop, a place for the neshamah (soul) to develop. The home is where we learn to be less self-centered, where we develop a love of chesed (kindness) towards others. When the laws of shmiras halashon guide the family’s interactions, each neshamah which this “workshop” produces can develop to its full, rich potential.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Positive Commandments 11-12
One of the great recent innovations in the computer industry is multi-tasking, meaning that computers now have the ability to run several software programs simultaneously. The Chofetz Chaim tells us that a person also has to run two “programs” through his mind at the same time. One thought process is used to accomplish whatever task we are presently engaged in. The second process is a constant scanning of the first process, to ensure that it is in line with the commandment of “to be aware of and fear Hashem at all times.” When we are confronted with a choice of acting or not acting, of speaking or not speaking, we should always ask ourselves,”What does Hashem want me to do?”
A person who speaks loshon hora has clearly lost his focus, at least for a few moments, on what Hashem wants of him. He is acting as if Hashem is not present, God forbid. Therefore, he violates the commandment to imbue oneself with fear of Hashem.
The Chofetz Chaim teaches us that when a person speaks loshon hora, he is wasting one of the most precious commodities this world has to offer — time.
There is no limit to the reward for learning Torah. It is by far the most precious mitzvah a person can do. The only excuse a person has for not studying Torah the entire day is that he has other important matters, such as earning a living, to which he must attend. Speaking loshon hora is certainly not something which one should be doing, and so the time spent speaking loshon hora is unjustifiably being lost — a sin of bitul Torah (wasting time that should be dedicated to learning). Furthermore, our Sages, of blessed memory, state, “Just as the mitzvah of Torah study is equal to all the mitzvos of the Torah combined, so too, the sin of loshon hora equals all the sins of the Torah combined” (Yerushalmi, Peah 1:1).
The consequences of this fact are enormous, says the Chofetz Chaim. As an example let us consider the 20–minute wait in some shuls (synagogues) between Minchah and Maariv. Each word of Torah learning is a mitzvah for itself. A person can comfortably speak 150 words a minute. Multiply this by the 20 minutes between Minchah and Maariv, and we have 3,000 spoken words. This means that 3,000 mitzvos can be accomplished in 20 minutes of learning. Unfortunately, the opposite is true with loshon hora. Not only can a person acquire 3000 sins for speaking 20 minutes of loshon hora, he also would acquire 3,000 sins of bitul Torah. Most tragic of all, he loses the priceless reward of 3,000 precious mitzvos of Torah study which could have been his.
SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Introduction: Positive Commandments 13-14
When relating the bad points of another person — especially when one becomes swept up in telling a story — it is natural to exaggerate for dramatic effect.
The Chofetz Chaim tells us that even one word of exaggeration constitutes a lie, and when it is spoken in a loshon hora conversation the speaker adds the violation of the commandment of “Distance yourself from falsehoo”(Shemos 23:7) to his list of transgressions.
The Rambam tells us (Hilchos Dei’os) that a person who exaggerates someone’s bad points is guilty of motzi shem ra, slander, a more severe form of loshon hora.
By requiring every one of us to observe these laws, Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, shows us the power of one word. In truth, we see this ourselves in everyday situations. For instance, if someone is asked for information regarding a shidduch (marriage match), there is a world of a difference between saying, “He is a quiet boy,” and saying, “He is a very quiet boy.” With that one word, a significantly different image of the boy is conveyed.
By saying that he is a quiet boy, the speaker characterizes the boy as thoughtful and reflective. But the description “very quiet” gives rise to the possibility that he is perhaps reclusive or dull. That one word, which very possibly is inaccurate, might be cause for this suggested shidduch to be rejected. This is what one word can do.
The Chofetz Chaim lists one final positive commandment that is transgressed when speaking loshon hora “And you shall walk in His [Hashem’s] ways” (Devarim 28:9). Hashem’s kindness is boundless; He is deeply pained when we speak badly of Jews, even those who are clearly wrong. Hashem’s way is to wait for people to repent. When we observe the actions of our fellow man, decide that he is guilty, and even go so far as to share our opinion with others, then we have drifted far from the ways of Hashem.
That is why people who speak loshon hora are included among those who are not “permitted to greet the Shechinah” (Sotah 42a). By indicting others through words of loshon hora we have traveled a distance from Hashem that is too far to bridge.
This segment concludes the Chofetz Chaim’s introduction to his sefer. Its overriding message is that this seemingly innocuous sin called loshon hora is so destructive to our service of Hashem that it is impossible to ignore its repercussions. The Chofetz Chaim concludes with his closing argument — a section on curses. Not only does a person stunt his spiritual growth and amass countless sins for himself by speaking loshon hora; he actually makes himself the object of two curses written in the Torah.
The first is “Cursed is one who strikes his fellow in secret” (Devarim 27:24). As Rashi explains, the speaker of loshon hora, who whispers derogatory information about others in private, is the subject of this verse.
If a commandment has become irrelevant to a person so that he totally ignores it, then he is included in the curse “Cursed is he who does not uphold the words of this Torah to do them” (Devarim 27:26), and he is classified as a “rebel with regard to one sin.” When a person speaks loshon hora freely and without restraint, it is as if he is saying, “Hashem, You gave me many important things to do — Shabbos, kashrus, Torah study — but shmiras haloshon just does not fit into my particular lifestyle.” Regarding such an attitude, the Chofetz Chaim states,”his sin is too great to be borne” (c.f. Bereishis 4:13) — an expression used by Scripture and our Sages for very severe sins.
The Chofetz Chaim concludes: “And I ask you, my dear reader, to read and reread this Introduction, because more than anything else, it will help you succeed with shmiras haloshon.”
In the first chapter of Sefer Chofetz Chaim, some common myths concerning loshon hora are shattered.
The Chofetz Chaim begins by correcting the single biggest misconception, a point so crucial that it is expressed in the chapter’s very first words: It is forbidden to relate derogatory information about a person even if the information is true. The Chofetz Chaim continues: Our Sages, of blessed memory, define this activity as loshon hora. The recounting of true derogatory information about another is the classic case of loshon hora.
Each of us can recall a conversation in which someone told us loshon hora. If we could probe the mind of the speaker and study his rationale in relating something derogatory about a fellow Jew, we would likely find that he felt justified in repeating it since the information was true. If we were to suggest to the speaker that this is loshon hora, nine times out of ten he would respond, “But it’s true.”
Now, if this derogatory information were about the speaker’s brother, father, son or daughter, he would surely be much more reluctant to share it with us. The justification that “it’s true” would be overshadowed by the natural protective feeling we have for people whom we love.
The Chofetz Chaim begins his sefer by telling us, “It does not matter if it is true.” Hashem wants us to be as protective of every Jew’s reputation as if he or she were our own brother or sister. Just as one would be loathe to spread negative information about one’s sister or brother, regardless of the fact that the information is true, so too, should we be loathe to spread negative information about any Jew.
Once again, the Chofetz Chaim cites the negative commandment “You shall not go as a peddler of gossip among your people” (Vayikra 19:16), for this is the primary verse which prohibits speaking loshon hora.
The Chofetz Chaim paints the picture of a peddler with a sack slung over his shoulder. But instead of fruit or clothing, this sack contains negative information. The speaker of loshon hora is a peddler, who travels from person to person distributing his sinful wares. Though we don’t see ourselves as “peddlers,” almost any conversation containing loshon hora is one in which one person “delivers” to another,
negative information that he is carrying within his mind.
One of the main reasons why loshon hora is so despicable in the eyes of Hashem is because filling one’s mind with negative information and peddling it to others is a lowly act, and Hashem does not want Jews to act in a lowly way.
There is a particular statement in the opening chapter of Sefer Chofetz Chaim which seems puzzling. The Chofetz Chaim informs us: “Whatever I have said until now pertains to the occasional speaker of loshon hora, but if, God forbid, the person is a habitual speaker of loshon hora, that person is called a baal loshon hora and the punishment is far worse.”
What is puzzling is that the Chofetz Chaim seems to have changed the subject. We have been talking about the laws of loshon hora and suddenly the Chofetz Chaim is telling us about the punishment that a baal loshon hora receives!
If we delve deeper into the words of the Chofetz Chaim, we see that he is making a crucial point which we need to know from the outset.
There is a tendency among people to view loshon hora as less than a severe sin. If we were to inform someone that the food which he is eating might be non-kosher, he would spit it out immediately. For many people, loshon hora does not evoke the same revulsion. Yet the Chofetz Chaim equates speaking loshon hora with eating non-kosher food.
The Chofetz Chaim is communicating to us here that even an occasional bit of loshon hora is an incredibly destructive sin, both to the speaker and to the Jewish people as a whole. However, if a person goes further and incorporates loshon hora as a regular feature in his everyday speech, if he regularly seeks the bad in others, and complains about their shortcomings — then he is considered a “baal loshon hora” and has entered a new halachic realm.
The baal loshon hora is not just speaking loshon hora — he is denigrating a mitzvah in the Torah and flouting the word of Hashem. It is as if an Orthodox Jew who is careful in his mitzvah observance has just “one little bad habit” — he happens to eat breakfast every morning at McDonald’s.
It is obvious that the “Orthodox Jew” who eats at McDonald’s is not a truly observant Jew. The Chofetz Chaim informs us that someone who regularly speaks loshon hora, like any person who consistently ignores a Torah prohibition, is guilty of much more than committing an isolated sin. He is denying a part of Hashem’s Torah, and therefore casts doubt upon the validity of his entire mitzvah observance.
Imagine a situation involving a Torah-observant person who works at a large corporation. His boss calls him in one day and says, “There’s an industry meeting this Saturday in Pittsburgh and we need you to be there to represent us.” Certainly, the person would refuse to desecrate Shabbos even if this meant losing his job. Losing one’s source of livelihood is a very difficult matter, yet many would be happy to make this sacrifice for the sake of Shabbos. The Chofetz Chaim teaches us that, similarly, one should be prepared to lose his job rather than transgress the laws of loshon hora, which are prohibited by the Torah.
A person may find himself working for an employer who is perfectly comfortable with character defamation and slander, to the extent that he may view as a fool an employee who does not join in his verbal abuse, and he may be inclined to fire such a person.
This, in fact, is common with salesmen whose company’s standard sales strategy is to “knock” the competition. Honest salesmanship does not preclude saying, “My product has certain qualities that my competition lacks.” What is prohibited is criticizing the competition unnecessarily or by exaggeration.
Furthermore, when speaking loshon hora, one usually transgresses several Torah prohibitions. Each additional prohibition is another reason to undertake sacrifices rather than speak loshon hora.
If we could listen to the inner voice of a person who is willing to lose his job for the sake of Shabbos, we would hear him telling himself, “I understand that I am facing tremendous difficulties by giving up my job, but it is well worth it! How can I even think of desecrating Hashem’s precious day of Shabbos?” When faced with the test of loshon hora, our intuitive response should be the same: ”True, I am facing tremendous difficulties by refusing to participate in such conversations, but it is well worth it! How can I even think of transgressing these all-important commandments of Hashem? How can I entertain the possibility of taking part in that which is the primary cause of our current exile? No sacrifice is too great for the sake of shmiras haloshon!”
You are sitting at a wedding and some people at your table begin denigrating someone. One person turns to you and says, “Didn’t you go to school with him? Was he always this way?”
Now you are faced with a test. Will you attempt to change the topic, or do you succumb and add your piece of loshon hora to the conversation?
A difficult test? Perhaps. But it will surely be made easier if you give thought to the following advice from the Chofetz Chaim.
Take stock of what you are about to do. If you remain strong and refuse to speak loshon hora, there may be people who will consider you self righteous — something that anyone would want to avoid. On the other hand, if you falter and speak loshon hora, you will have much more to deal with, for you will face embarrassment in the World of Truth, before the King of all Kings, Hashem.
The Chofetz Chaim quotes the teaching of our Sages: “Better to be considered a fool your entire life than to have Hashem think of you as a rasha (wicked person) for even a moment.”
The Chofetz Chaim adds that it is precisely regarding such situations, where one feels pressured to speak loshon hora and does not succumb, that our Sages say, ”For every moment that a person closes his mouth [and refrains from speaking loshon hora] he merits a hidden light that no angel or earthly creature can fathom.”
In this segment, the Chofetz Chaim teaches us about non-verbal loshon hora, the type we refer to as “body language.” As we all know, a wink of the eye or a twitch of the nose can sometimes communicate major statements about someone’s personality or behavior. Such communication carries the full halachic weight of the prohibitions regarding loshon hora. Written loshon hora is also included in these prohibitions.
In concluding this opening chapter, which discusses common misconceptions about loshon hora, the Chofetz Chaim notes, “Even if you include yourself when denigrating someone, you have still spoken loshon hora.”
It is important to note that this type of loshon hora is forbidden even if the reputation of the speaker is also damaged. Including oneself in a derogatory remark does not make it permissible.
The Chofetz Chaim gives us many deep spiritual reasons which explain the destructiveness of loshon hora. But to study what loshon hora really does we must enter the mind of the mekabel, the listener of loshon hora. If the listener had a positive or neutral opinion of the subject before the fateful conversation, it is virtually certain that after hearing the derogatory statement (even without verifying its truth) he now has a lowered opinion of the person.
Simply stated, when one speaks loshon hora, one damages the reputation of a fellow Jew.
The Chofetz Chaim analyzes the ramifications of speaking loshon hora before a group. If a person speaks loshon hora before ten people, for example, he has done much more than harm his subject one time. He has damaged his reputation ten times!
The larger the audience, the more sins accrued. This is why loshon hora stands virtually alone in its potential for accumulating sins.
The Chofetz Chaim also cites the famous Talmudic case of “api tlasa”, in the presence of three, where derogatory information was spoken in the presence of three or more people. Because this halachah is widely misunderstood, the Chofetz Chaim deals with it early in this work.
The license of api tlasa exists only in very specific cases. A statement which would otherwise be forbidden because it might be loshon hora may be permitted if stated before three people. This is because a statement heard by three people will, in all likelihood, find its way to the ears of the subject. This factor allows us to assume that the statement, which has both a positive and a negative interpretation, was actually meant in a positive way, and therefore is not loshon hora.
Many people have fallen victim to loshon hora by erroneously thinking, “If I say something derogatory about someone in public it is not prohibited, due to the principle of api tlasa.” This could not be further from the truth. To the contrary, the larger the crowd when a statement is made, the more the subject’s reputation is damaged and the greater the transgression of speaking loshon hora.
Therefore, the Chofetz Chaim goes to great lengths to clarify this issue. He offers the following case:
A stranger arrives in town and asks a group of people where he can get food. Someone tells him, “Levi always has food cooking on his stove.” These words can be understood in opposite ways. Either the person is generous and always has guests, or he is always eating. Because this statement can be understood negatively, if it had not been spoken in front of three people, it would be classified as avak loshon hora (the dust of loshon hora) and would be forbidden. The law of api tlasa says that a person would not make a derogatory remark about someone if he knew that it would get back to the subject. When there are at least three people listening, we can assume that one of them will report the statement to its subject. Therefore, in the Chofetz Chaim’s example, we should assume that the speaker meant to say, “Levi is generous and always has guests.” However, in a case where the statement is definitely derogatory, the license of api tlasa does not apply.
In the previous segment, we were introduced to the license of “api tlasa,” which is widely misunderstood. The Chofetz Chaim sees this as a major pitfall in the observance of shmiras haloshon. The Chofetz Chaim demonstrates that the conditions for the license of api tlasa are virtually impossible to meet. He therefore warns us against relying on this license.
As we all know, it is virtually impossible to keep something secret once it has been told to a group. This is the basis for the Rambam’s approach to the Talmud’s discussion of api tlasa, which permits a person to repeat information that has been said in the presence of three or more people. A group of three is considered a public forum, and whatever is said in such a setting is certain to become publicized. Therefore, someone who repeats the information is not really causing any harm, because whoever hears it from him would have heard it anyway. Accordingly, writes the Rambam, information heard by three or more people is not subject to the prohibition of loshon hora.
However, as we have mentioned, this license is subject to many limitations, which the Chofetz Chaim delineates.
Repeating the information is permitted only if the topic happens to come up in conversation and if the information is related in a matter-of-fact manner. However, even the Rambam agrees that it is absolutely prohibited to repeat the derogatory information for the purpose of spreading it or disgracing the person involved.
Furthermore, this license applies only to those who were among the three or more present when the information was originally disclosed. Someone who hears the information from one of these people is forbidden to spread it further. Thus, if Reuven relates Shimon’s misdeed to Levi, Yehuda and Binyamin, only they can repeat it by relying on the license of api tlasa. For anyone else to do so would be forbidden.
The next segment will discuss another condition which the Chofetz Chaim sets forth regarding the laws of api tlasa.
Important Numbers
